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I'm confused about his motivations, if in fact he has any!

Tagged as: Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 March 2015) 7 Answers - (Newest, 1 April 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm feeling a bit confused over how I feel about a guy and more importantly whether or not he likes me.

The guy in question is my tennis coach and he's pretty good looking and we get on extremely well. I have lessons with him on my own and also in a group. In the individual lessons there is a lot of banter which usually is initiated by him. He recognises that he is bantering with me and he will also do it in the group classes sometimes in everyone's earshot but sometimes not. He picks up on the most seemingly insignificant details- for example he noticed I had new trainers and my new water bottle of all things. It can sometimes be a few weeks and even months between individual lessons but he'll remember everything I said in the last session and then he'll find a way to banter with me about something I've said. I think he enjoys talking to me- he laughs a lot when I join in with the banter.

He also teaches a tennis fitness class that I went to initially and hated and said I didn't see I'd do again. That was about six months ago and I actually decided I'd give it another go. I arrived a bit late but as soon as I came in he immediately came over to say hi...before I could say anything else he introduced me to the other people that were at the class without then telling me their names. Throughout the class he seemed to make a beeline to chat to me and then in everyone's earshot told me he was glad I'd come and he was going to put it down as achievement of the day. We had even numbers but he chose to stand on my side of the court seemingly so he could chat to me.

These are just really a few examples and I'm finding it difficult really to understand his motivations if in fact he has any. We talk about pretty much anything and everything ( he's told me about his family, I talk about work stuff with him) . I'm particularly confused because I know he has a long term girlfriend yet he has never ever mentioned her. Is it odd for a guy to do this or is it something not to be bothered about ?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2015):

Thank you all for your advice...I'm not sure money is behind it all- he isn't self employed and gets paid whether or not I go to the lessons or not plus I haven't seen him act in the same way with any others. I'm just one person so I'd hardly make much of a difference to the classes if I went. However you have really helped- I will just take it for what it is, a bit of fun and not to be taken seriously.

Thanks again!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2015):

I don't think he is doing this for money, he might sincerely like you and enjoy flirting with you, but it probably won't go further than that if he has a girlfriend, because he won't make any move. Been in such a situation and was a fool waiting for a move;).

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (1 April 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt He is drumming up business in the TYPICAL personal trainer / tennis coach / golf pro etc.etc. way. And it works, apparently : you too, at first did not want to take that class again... but a little flirty banter goes a long way to make classes more palatable, whether both parties recognize it for what it is, or not.

Not that he can't also be sincerely enjoying the banter, or can't also see you as an attractive woman. But, I would not read much in these exchanges , if I were in your ( tennis ) shoes .

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (1 April 2015):

Guys who cheat on their girlfriends don't bring them up.

I don't think he has cheating in-mind.

As for all the attention, that's drumming-up and promoting business. As a business-man, he's pushing his looks and charms. Too much talk about a girlfriend discourages ladies like you from signing-up for his services.

Years ago I lived in an apartment-complex with a tennis-coach and trainer; who came several times a week during the summer. Always flashing his smile. He was a semi-pro. Made decent cash in tournaments. Good-looking guy, sparkly blue eyes, tall, and tanned. Before the summer was over, he had just about every young and middle-aged female in the complex signed-up. There were only three of us males. His classes were packed. He coached all over. He was no doubt a player. I mean the playboy womanizing kind!

He was always flirting and using his charms. He was always full of compliments (among other things) for the ladies. The tennis lessons didn't come cheap, I might add. His tight white tennis shorts and his huge muscular calves.

I know the type. They're so common all over the States.

Particularly where it's sunny and warm. They make a killing.

Your coach is charming the cash out of your purse, my dear. He managed to get you into his fitness-class, to boot.

Is any of this free of charge, or are you getting a discount? Let me guess. You're not?

It's all business with these guys. They prey on lonely women, and neglected housewives with cash to spend.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (1 April 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntBased on your post, I'd say his motivation is to keep you coming back as a customer to his tennis lessons and tennis fitness clinics. He appears to have a good eye for details and a bantering sense of humor which he uses to keep people engaged and motivated and I expect, he hopes to keep you coming back as a paying customer.

If you talk about pretty much anything and everything then why not ask him about his girlfriend? Or is that something you really don't want to know because it will take some of the fun out of the encounters with him?

I would enjoy the classes and the banter but don't make more of these tennis/fitness lessons than what they are right now. A nice time with nice people.

I hope your tennis game is improving!

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A female reader, Keeley345 United Kingdom +, writes (31 March 2015):

He might like you or may be seeking business. He gets paid to teach tennis and maybe offers private lessons too. Could be purely business.

Even if he did like you, you say he has a girlfriend. If so then nothing can happen between you. Unless he has broken up with her. But the only way you'll find out if by pushing things further and ask him about his girlfriend. Try flirting with him too.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntHe is like ANY good coach/trainer GOOD with details. It's what KEEPS the customers/clients coming back. He likes to banter because he sees you can handle it.

He HAS a LONG TERM GF so it really DOESN'T MATTER if he "likes" you.

My guess is like ANY trainer, he has some favorite clients and you may be one of them. One that isn't too demanding but easy to talk to. It's NOT about romance for him.

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