A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need urgent help; I'm cheating on my boyfriend and I can't stop.He's away on holiday, and I've been getting close to this guy the last month or so. Last night we went to the cinema and he held my hand and stroked my leg, then on the way home we made out in his car. At the time it felt soo right, but then I thought of my boyfriend and it made me sick. I love my boyfriend, I know I do, I imagine marrying him one day, having kids and growing old together but this new guy is so exciting and I love the thrill of being with him. I want him for now but I don't see a future for us.I met my boyfriend a month after my 15th birthday and have been with him since then. We were so young and he was my very first boyfriend, my first kiss and everything. I just feel like I want to see what else is out there, not that it justifies what I'm doing obviously. Help, please?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): ive been in a similar situation before.. was on internship and i met this guy that i felt strongly attracted to and ended up having a kind of relationship with him even though i had my bf then..in the end because i didnt see a future with him i ended things.. and told my bf about it. we broke up, but after a week he thought things through and we got back together.it hasn't been easy.. my advice is to tell him everything about what happened once u let your bf know (if u still want him).. be prepared for all the shock, anger, and even after he has accepted you back, he may still have some relapses from time to time and wonder if he made the right choice having u back.. it will be very trying on ur part..for me i really regret having done what i did and i never thought i could do smth like that..my bf has been nothing but sweet to me.. if i could i would go back in time to stop whatever i did.. but of course i cant and the only thing i can do is to just move on and try to forget it and of course treat my bf better than before.it soudns like you have something good going there.. so dont do anything rash.. and like what some of the other readers have said, tell your bf about it and having a cooling period if need be.. hope it works out for you..all the best.
A
female
reader, limona  +, writes (6 August 2009):
When things get too good, we get bored sometimes. It is the sad truth that we play with our luck and usually loose the game. I understand that you enjoy the thrill of this new infatuation, but as you said, you don't see yourself with this guy. It might sound fun and it surely is exciting, at least you until you dont face the consequences. Do you imagine living you life without your bf? Do you imagine him despise you? Do you imagine him with another gf? Well, then try to imagine that. Imagine him walking away after having learnt what you had done. Because cheating hurts tremendously and shows great disrespect for your partner.
I know you like him, but you simply feel so secure with him that it just isnt fun anymore and your "new catch" gives you a feeling you're back in the game.
I'm sorry to tell you, but it is rare that you find someone you imagine to share your life with. Because in 3 months you will get tired of this new guy or vice versa, but for a fling you will sacrifice someone who really loves you (You told nothing about your bf, does he treat u well? Is it possible that you are angry with him for going to this trip and feel left out?). Well, your bf probably loves you not just the moment during making out or during forbidden sex, or on an exciting evening out ... But also when you're sick in bed, tired, moody or sad, or just sit bored in front of a computer. The mechanics in sex is more or less the same with everyone. The sex is really going on in your head. So think, why this new guy excites you to the extend that you are prepared to betray your bf? When you find that thing try to bring it to you relationship. Go new places, try new things - in life, in bed, at work/study ... If your relationship came to a standstill, it is your fault too. And please, please TALK to your bf!
However, if you are really curious how it is on your own, explain it to your bf. It could actually be a good test for you 2, if you are really so great together. When you will meet new people and when he does the same, but you two will still feel that you want to be with each other ... Then you'll know for sure you have the real thing and you wont be tempted anymore. You should express how you feel, really. What is important is, that you decide whether to have your cake or eat it. If you try to do both, is the most despicable thing you can do to your partner. The intense intimate connection between partner truly comes from the ability to talk to each other about just anything. Would you like him to treat you like you treat him now? Or would you expect from him, since he loves you, to be able to talk to you first? I hope the last. Treat him the way you want to be treated. I hope you'll remain strong. Nothing's lost yet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): You can't? Oh boy.. It looks like i'll have to wip out another definition here. You're going to get my typical "yes you can" response.
Can not/unable: adjective: lacking the necessary power, competence, etc., to accomplish some specified act.
Well, you claim that you can't stop yourself with this man. Lets take this into literal terms, shall we? Do you lack the necessary power to NOT meet with this man? Are you lacking not just any, but a majority of your limbs to the point where you can do nothing? And so this guy is overpowering you and forcing your actions with him? Do you lack a properly functioning brain? To the point which your vegetative state disables you from controlling who your company is and what they decide to do to you? I'm thinking not, as you are here writing this.
How about compentence? Are you incompentent? Now this, you may find easy to convince yourself of; that you are incompetent in this matter and that's why you "can't"" stop. But should you stop to call yourself incompetent, you will stop to call yourself a fool. I don't believe that you are incompetent. Incompetence is seen in such situations like my close family member, who had an imcompentent cervix and gave birth at five months, losing her child hours after she was born. THAt is incompetence. completely unmanageable. Nothing she could have done. Somethign she must feel unbelievable guilt over.
But YOU.. you cannot use the word "can't" as an excuse for what you're doing. Take responsibilty, fully and completely. If you set your alarm clock for 1900 instead of 0700, then you don't get to say the next morning that "my alarm clock didn't go off." Take responsibilty. "I didn't set my alarm clock correctly. I'm sorry."
You should feel lucky. You're an attractive, sensual young woman with a man who cares about you and dreams of a future. You are healthy and wealthy as far as I can tell, you live in a country that allows you your freedom, you have a normally functioning brain and body, so don't play yourself off as unable to do a simple task such as NOT go somewhere or NOT see someone. It's not even a matter of partaking an activity; it's a matter of not partaking; doing nothing. How much easier can that be?
You alone control your body so if I were you, I would start being wise with it. I won't even tell you about what to do with your boyfriend and this other guy. I'll let the other aunts jump in there. But do know, it is rather immature to think this way.. to give up the sensible and reliable and caring, for "exciting."
~SY.
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A
female
reader, justme..x +, writes (6 August 2009):
 Contact your boyfriend. Now. Phone him. Hear his voice. Let it remind you of all your dreams and love for him. And control yourself - you will regret it, and it sounds like u already are! stay away from that other guy, if he knows you are in a relationship he shouldn't have tried it on in the first place.
If it doesn't work, and you carry on with this other guy, talk to your boyfriend when he gets back. Tell him what you've done. Maybe you will arrange to cool it for a few weeks. Maybe he will leave you. I don't know, but I hope it works out. But if you can't leave it now, then tell the truth ... it would be so wrong to just do it behind his back after how loyal he's been to you.
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A
male
reader, rom +, writes (6 August 2009):
This is a hard one as its all exciting when someone else shows you attention and you are attracted to them and its easy to end up doing something you regret./ But regret is what will happen,if you love your boyfriend then he should be enough for you. Dont go loosing someone for a quick shag with a guy who will probably dump you once he has had his way with you. Just ask yourself is it really work ruining what you have?
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