A
female
age
30-35,
*aybaybay_x
writes:I'm becoming a nervous wreck because I can't trust my boyfriend, please help?I keep looking at my boyfriend's past messages and looking for times that he may have said something he shouldn't have to another girl.I've been looking through his hotmail all night. I've also been tempted to delete his facebook.This kind of thing has started last year. He was flirting with girls and I was finding girl pictures on his computer but I still like a fool decided to take him back and now it's made me so unstable.I go in out of of these paranoia phases. I haven't been on his facebook for a VERY long time and I've seen a girl that he use to txt say how she misses their convos and she said she'll call him and he then, the next day, assuming she didn't call him. Said to her "I thought you was going to call me?"I mean, he told me he's learned his lesson. I know he loves me, we've been together nearly 4 years and he's got my name tattooed on his skin. He left himself dry to take me to Spain for my 18th. I mean, in my head I REALLY want to be with him. But in my head, it's like I'm realising that I'm damaging myself.How do I learn to trust him? How do I learn to be secure in myself that he's not doing anything wrong as it's not a problem for him to catch up with an old friend if he's learned his lesson. But I still doubt him or wait for something to happen. He recently led to me about where he was and he says he lied because he didn't want me to feel bad resulting in him not going (He lied about not being a this party that he didn't tell me about and he answered his phone by accident and I heard he was there, this is how I found out about it. Tried to get himself out of it, but then admitted it)I'm becoming a nervous wreck to the point where my mind plays tricks on me.If you look at my previous questions, it kind of sums up what I've been through with him.Please help me?
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female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 He clearly does what he wants (even behind your back) knowing that it would hurt you.My bf and I went through the same thing with Myspace and Facebook to the point of where we made a deal to delete them. He shouldn't be hiding things from you if he is just catching up with old friends and everything is innocent.Why do you want to be with him? He is making you miserable. You could find someone who will make you happy. He has lied and cheated on you in the past, whats keeping him from doing it again? And he was at a party and tried to lie to you about it? I know its really hard to let go of someone you love and really want to be with, but you will be stronger for it. Maybe it will kick him in the ass to where he will delete his facebook and whatever, or at least tell you what is going on and which "friends" he is catching up with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Hello! Wow. I have been where you are. I am so passed it and I am so glad to give you advice on this situation. One thing I would like to say is to follow your intuition. If you have to wonder, there is something wrong. You do have all reason to wonder with the things that you've mentioned about him flirting with girls and lying. He says he loves you but actions speak louder than words. People may say what they may but their actions are reflective of their intentions. He may not intend on hurting you per say but he clearly intends on doing what he wants behind your back knowing that you would hurt. Above all, most importantly this is taking a toll on your mental health and that is no good. You have one life and one body and you have to love yourself and treat yourself right because other people's love is not definite. People may cheat on you but do NOT cheat yourself. Don't put yourself in situations where your mental health is at risk. You deserve nothing but the best so do not settle for anything less than. I guess what I am trying to say ultimately is that this situation is not healthy but YOU must make the choice whether or not you would like to stay. Are you going to get out of a relationship that is hurting you emotionally and mentally or are you going to cheat yourself of a happy life?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 When I read these questions about people putting themselves through this hell, I always wonder, why are you doing it? Is it worth it? Is the so-called security of a relationship worth this tremendous ocean of insecurity that you live in?
Some people can cope with cheating partners. They can look beyond it, can try and forget it. But some cant. And its not about if its a good thing or a bad thing...its just the way you are. If you feel that your boyfriends actions have affected you to the point of insanity, then stop trying to make sense of it and get out of it. How do you manage with your life beyond the relationship? What about school/college/work/family? Isint everything taking a eating? Isint your life worth so much more than that?
Honey only you can help yourself. Be strong. Get a hold on yourself. You're so young, these should be the best years of your life before you're burdened with work, family life, a job, decisions, responsibility....what are you doing to yourself??? Insecurity, looking through his mails all night, doubting his every move..its enough to make anyone go crazy! Get a hold on yourself!
Calm down...its never as bad as it seems...think straight, take a decision and all the best!
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