A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriends sister and I have never got on. We knew each other at school and we just never clicked. I have known her since I was about 6-7 so I know that we won't just become best friends suddenly. I have accepted how close she is to my boyfriend, and I respect that he has a great bond with his sister. We have been together for a year, friends for about three. I try and put off family things if I can, plus I don't really feel comfortable at big family things because I don't really know his extended family but I also make sure I do go to things if I can. His parents are divorced and this coming July his father is getting remarried. The wedding is being held in his fiancée hometown which is about 200 miles away from where we live. So it means a few nights stop over. I'm dreading it because it's his extended family, a family I have never met, and his sister will be the only one I really know other then my boyfriend.I do suffer from panic attacks and I just know that I will have one if I'm left alone at any point during the weekend. My boyfriend is great and understands that I am terribly shy and I find it hard to talk to people I don't know. He keeps trying to get me so talk to his sister more so that if he does have to be away from me I can talk to her.Now don't get me wrong, it's not like she was a bully to me or anything, but I know there is no love lost between us and I feel bad having to explain it to my boyfriend everytime he mentions it. She has tried to talk to me and get me to go out with her and his mum but I feel like something is holding me back from taking that step, and with only a few months to go till his fathers wedding I'm already shaking with nerves about going and meeting strangers. Should I just tell him my nervous self wouldn't be able to go or push myself to spend time with his sister and push myself to get over my nerves?
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best friend, divorce, his ex, shy, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (17 January 2015):
I know exactly what you mean. It is a scary deal usually. But i really think you should go. It's good for you as well. Think about it this way. You always have to meet someone that first time. How will you ever get to know his extended family if you don't meet them? And once you have, the occasions that you have to go to in the future would get much easier.
And your bf is understanding you say. Then he will be there for you. Don't worry. In case he does have to leave you alone for a bit, try going down memory lane in a place you feel comfortable. That always works for me. Even i am very shy to meet new people. I had to literally be dragged out of my house for my friend's brother's wedding. Not even my bf. So i really know what you mean.
Once you are there, just remember to smile. It'll be a huge crowd. You will find someone who you can talk to. :)
Btw, from the sound of it, the issue with the sister mostly seems to be from your side. Make an effort to just have a regular conversation with her. You might not be the best of friends, but you might get to being better acquaintances :)
Good luck and let us know what you decide :)
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 January 2015):
 Panic attacks can vary anywhere from heart palpitating fast, insomnia, to feeling like the world has come to end and fainting. Does your boyfriend know the severity of your attacks? Are you being treated for it? If no then you should not push yourself to get over your nerves. This is different from being shy. Phobia is not rational and you can't be talked into being more social. Sometimes you feel out of control even when you want to be.
Are you and your boyfriend committed so you are sure enough that one day you would get married? This is important because if one day you don't feel well at a social, your boyfriend could back you up, explain to people, etc and not let the situation become more awkward.
One other thing is, have you enjoyed meeting strangers, gotten anything out of it, or has it always been pleasing family, and at the end you didn't know what all that effort was for? If it's true that mingling with people, making small talk are things dreadful to you, I see no point in extended family gatherings. Some people can only handle enough room for one or two closest to them.
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