A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm a married man of 7 years who is torn. I am so in love with my best friend who is my soulmate too. I am so unhappy with my marriage situation as I am a weak minded guy whose wife is in control. I know what I want to do but havent got the conviction to leave as my children are sacred to me and I'm scared she will not let me see them. But I know I can't live like this forever. My friend has never put me under pressure to leave either even though I know she feels the same about me.please give me some advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): it will be a hard time for all involved, however you must do what you feel is right for yourself. noone online will have the perfect answer except you deep inside. my only advice is to look at your options wisely and don't just look at it as the grass is greener on the otherside. it's not wise to stay just for your children's sake even tho they will always be your #1 priority, it's not worth the hurt or emotional baggage you will carry later on. you can still be their father who loves and supports them. that will never change in their eyes as long as you don't push them away. keep strong and don't let your heart play with your mind. keep focused on what you want in life and remember you must leave for your own sake not for the love you may have for your friend. best of luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): you sound so mixed up.I assume your friend has not encouraged you to leave because she doesn't want to be involved in a break up.My father left home when I was 6 and all I remember is happy times with dad there, but I remember seeing dad regulary after that and seeing him happier and more fun.He said to me it was the hardest decision he had ever had to make but even now he said he never regretted it.If your children are around the age I was then from personal experience it wasn't as damaging as you probably think it would be.Mum used to say that daddy didnt live here anymore but because I spoke to him on the phone and saw him every fortnight I still had a very happy and normal childhood.I just wanted to let you see it from the childs point of view.If you are so unhappy please do the decent thing thats right for you and spare your children the heartache as they will realise when things are not right at home no matter what you perceive they are thinking. Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoops.... sorry just read what you have put about flagging my advice as mlw. please dont do that as i am a friend of his and dont feel i can give him this advice face to face as i know both parties even though i have the opinion i do. if mlw knows i have written a reply he wont take on board all the other replies he has received and his heartfelt question will have been wasted. once again sorry x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou don't say if things have gone further with your friend or not.But either way based on your question it seems that your marriage is an unhappy one to you,whether there are children or not.If your children are young then now is the time to leave as even though they will miss Daddy because he isn't there as often,it is better than seeing Daddy unhappy and children definately pick up these feelings from you no matter how hard you try to hide them.If your wife is a good Mum then she will not stop you seeing them because she knows how important the parent/child relationship is.The children will always love you unconditionally because you are their parent. But you need to be happy to be able to reassure them both of their future.But leave your wife because you feel this way not because of your friend then you can feel more comfortable about the whole thing when you do have a new relationship. I hope this helps a little as my sisters boyfriend was in exactly the same predicament and they have been happily together for the last two years.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou don't say if things have gone further with your friend or not.But either way based on your question it seems that your marriage is an unhappy one to you,whether there are children or not.If your children are young then now is the time to leave as even though they will miss Daddy because he isn't there as often,it is better than seeing Daddy unhappy and children definately pick up these feelings from you no matter how hard you try to hide them.If your wife is a good Mum then she will not stop you seeing them because she knows how important the parent/child relationship is.The children will always love you unconditionally because you are their parent. But you need to be happy to be able to reassure them both of their future.But leave your wife because you feel this way not because of your friend then you can feel more comfortable about the whole thing when you do have a new relationship. I hope this helps a little as my sisters boyfriend was in exactly the same predicament and they have been happily together for the last two years.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 If you didn't have any children, I would have an easy answer: leave your wife. Since you have kids, it's not that easy.
If your kids are babies, then this might be the time to leave. Divorce always affects children, but I feel it's easier if you never have a memory of your father living with you at home (my experience) than if you do (my sister's).
However, your situation with your wife cannot improve. I don't know what's going on in your home, but I'm sure family life must be difficult by now, and may only get worse. That can hurt children, too.
You should try to ascertain the good and the bad of leaving, and make a decision accordingly.
Maybe this doesn't help you that much, but I hope it will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2007): leave your wife. but try not to cheat on her. respect her even if you do not love her she is your wife. when you leave her then you can be with your friend and you wont feel as guilty as if you would of done something behind her back. im not sure how she hasnt ask you if there is something wrong women or men when are in love and there is a change like this we can feel this. but dont tell her its cause someone else that will tear her apart you know.
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