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I'm a 64yr old man who is in a relationship with a 20yr old girl...

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 September 2008) 20 Answers - (Newest, 30 October 2010)
A male United Kingdom age , anonymous writes:

i am a 64yr old man who is in a relationship with a 20yr old girl..im also impotent but manage to satify my girl in other ways..we love each other very much..i have tried to end it with her...for her sake but she wont have it...am i being selfish in wanting her to stay with me forever

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A female reader, laura2u United States +, writes (30 October 2010):

I am a 43 year old woman in Love with a 63 year old man who suffers from impotence because of diabetes and other medications. We have been together a year and we have never had intercourse. As you stated you and your lover are satisfied pleasing each other in other ways, as we are. No, I don't think you are selfish for staying, if you love each other hold on tight!! My lover is the love of my lifetime and I could not imagine my life without him. I will say from his point of view, he wants intercourse and is very frustrated at times, if this is your case talk to your doctor, get some tests done to see exactly why you are impotent. There are many fixes out there, even for the seemingly hopeless.I have finally convinced my lover to seek medical help, maybe you would feel more secure in your relationship as well if you did the same. Let me know how you are doing... Best of luck!

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A female reader, Inlove lady Philippines +, writes (3 May 2010):

Well, theres nothing wrong loving somebody, in any ages: younger, older man. The most important thing is you both love with each other with no any hidden agendas or anything something bad behind your mind. This issue here ignited me much. Im 24, involved with 58 man, he's not old for me. Loving somebody is not all about sex. Its all about sharing, with tender loving care with each other. Im floating,im so inlove with him, he touched my heart and changed my life. He's the man i prayed for all of my life, and he just came into my life. I love the way he love me me, not because he is so good to me but because of his wisdom and care for me,so do I...To all girls out there, older man makes you to be a real woman, you'l be amazed the way they love u with all respect.

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A female reader, marzi  +, writes (9 February 2010):

It's so funny that some say when a younger girl is friend with an older man she will cheat on him.in my case it's quite different,I left my fiance(he is 28) because I thought he is too young to understand me and we always argue about so many stupid things.Normally I get attracted to guys 50+.I'm 23 and I was so in love with a 64 year old guy who is a famous artist and has a very very perfect personality so experienced he can speak 5 languages fluently(German,Italian,Spanish,English,Tagalog:) )has been traveling a lot,very intelligent,very understanding, giving time to me,listening to all my stories in school and when I had lecture he would help me,giving me confidence, encouraging me that I became the owner student that year when I was his girlfriend.I never think a 20 something guy would even listen to what I say or can even understand my feeling the way he used to do.anyway we could not stay together because he was married even though he was always with me but he would respect his wife too,so I was quite guilty and always telling him that I think we cant's be together... .but we still talk and meet once in a while.

we are good friend of each other.

And to tell "RegularPerson" I have never been a victim of incest,and I have never had any problem in family I'm from an educated family,having no problem regarding to this issue.I think it's just your personal idea.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009):

Ok so you may not actually be "buying it." i am a young girl (23) and I am only attracted to guys 50+. If you have something special, don't give up on it. Only be skeptical and do what is right for you.

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A female reader, RegularPerson United States +, writes (19 January 2009):

No, what you are is a customer. You are buying her. Just accept it.

The only way a young girl would voluntarily want an much older guy is if she was the victim of incest - so she doesn't know how to be normal.

She's probably hoping you will leave it all to her in your will. Sad for you that you have to buy it. Sad for her that she has to be a prostitute.

And - any other older guys out there wondering where to get a young girl? Stop bothering the normal girls. Just get out your wallet and buy the ones that are giving you hints about money and gifts and rent payments.

The rest of us women are not going to pretend like you have a right to perv on us! YOU had your youth, now, stop trying to interfere with us living OURS.

I'm sure that when you where 23, you weren't shacked up with a 60 year old lady.... so, think about what you are asking young people to give up -

OUR rights to have a life, love, a regular, normal, life of our choice! If a girl isn't asking you point blank , she doesn't want you to hit on her!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008):

Jealousy babes, don't listen to people that want to take the fun out of life. She will never regret the time she has spent with you. She enjoys being with you and that's enough for her and enough for me...

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A male reader, Jond62 United Kingdom +, writes (22 September 2008):

If she doesn't want to end it, why should you? I'm 62 and wish I could find a nice young girl like that, and I do NOT need viagra, lol.

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A female reader, pepper27 United Kingdom +, writes (21 September 2008):

pepper27 agony auntHunny I agree with waz and diovan 100% if you are happy then go with it, Love comes in so many different ways and suprises us when we least expect it to..Take no notice of anyone who judges you hunny it is for no one to judge another in life as we all have made mistakes and have learnt from them or not.. When it comes to the heart and being happy go with your heart love TAKE CARE AND MUCH LOVE TO YOU MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008):

Hi babes,

I'm frightened for you, cause you know this relationship might fail in the long term and you are the one who will get hurt. But she's with you now, she loves you now, and she doesn't want anyone else, she wants you. Your old, probably saggy and your dick doesn't work properly. She knows all this, but in her eyes you are a king, she loves you and she wants to spend all her time with you. That is so beautiful. If she was my daughter, I would be so happy, that she has found a kind, considerate, and obviously a sexy man to love. An older responsible man, who can't have sex. What more could a mother ask for as a loving, adult introduction to the beauty of sex. Sorry babes, it's all about her here. You do what she wants, you leave her when she wants, your in a very insecure position. But for now, well bloody have fun and stop worrying. You are doing nothing wrong, I bet you encourage her to have friends and go out, I bet you give her gifts and make sure she is sexually satisfied. In ancient days, in other cultures, an older man is the best thing for a young girl. Ignore people that want to bring you down. You and her are in love. You bring her wisdom and she brings you youth.. Bloody nothing wrong with that in my eyes, so have fun and continue being a responsible adult who looks out for her and keeps her safe...

Your a bloody lucky dirty old man... lol... Ton's of people are jealous of you and your young pretty lover.. Have fun.

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (21 September 2008):

hlskitten agony auntYour being foolish, i dont know about selfish. I would be willing to bet my life on a 20 yr old wanting to move onto someone nearer her age within, say, atleast a yr. Its got no chance of working long term. You cant offer her children, you cant offer her 'forever' get a grip. This isn't make believe land, its the real world. You're off in a fantasy. She wont stay faithful to you, she has a lot of partying yrs ahead of her, are you going clubbing with her when she fancies a boogie? purleeease. And if some young guy offers her full sex, she's going to take it. Of course she will. I would have serious worries about a pensioner having sexual relations with someone thats only just come out of their teens. I dont think its morally right. And it borders on taking advantage of nievity. Just my opinion, and you asked for it on a public forum.

C xxxx

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (21 September 2008):

duskyrowe agony auntNo disrespect here dear, but you are old enough to be her grandfather.

This young lady needs a young virile man who can satisfy her every sexual need. You should have known better than lead her on especting to have a relationship with you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008):

Just have fun, try not to fall for her. It's very likely she will move on from you, once the age becomes a issue which it will. In the mean time, just enjoy each other.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (21 September 2008):

DoubleM agony auntAllow me to add a couple of thoughts here. Especially, I do not discount the possibility of love despite a considerable age difference. Many young women gravitate to older men because of several things, such as maturity, faithfulness, security and maturity. Many younger women realize that the immaturity of perhaps most young guys means instability, disrespect, insensitivity and much more. But above all, I believe that love can transcend such trivial differences as age, although the difference you describe is quite substantial. The anonymous female reader below who said you are selfish, and that she has psychological problems, simply does not comprehend that all is fair in love. Probably a Democrat, but I do agree that you must be prepared to step aside if or when the young lady decides to move on. Best wishes.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (21 September 2008):

DoubleM agony auntWell, I'm a 60-year-old man who possibly "wishes" that I could be in such a relationship for purely sexual reasons, but I would have serious problems relating on an emotional and intellectual basis, as perhaps you have experienced. You have provided little information, such as "why" this much younger person insists on the relationship, how it began or much else. Are you selfish? Well, not necessarily as long as she remains happy about the relationship. Of course, "forever" is a relative term and your fuse is much shorter than hers is likely to be. Are you wealthy? Could that be the reason for her interest? There is too little information to address here, but from one older guy to another (and I also have enjoyed a couple of similar short-term relationships), then good for you as long as it is also good for her.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008):

shes to young and not very mature it prob wont last not to be a downer.. but its best to end it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008):

Absolutely not....I just dated a man 21 years my senior for a year and a half and I can understand her devotion. We had problems and our relationship just ended recently but it had nothing to do with the age. I think that if it's love it's love and you all should just enjoy every moment that you have to the fullest... With my boyfriend I knew I wouldn't have as much time with him as I would a guy my age but that didn't matter to me at all when we were dating because no guy my age was him... I hope this helps some & that everything works out for the best for both of you...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008):

end it. For a number of reasons:

a) she may want kids - will u be a father at the age of 67 or 70? C'mon it's crazy!

b) she is COMPLETELY young..20 yrs old...has she experienced what the world has to offer?? has she travelled lived life a little?

c) sorry to say but if yous get married - she may be a widow quite young and that will hurt her very very badly.

d) do family and friends know about this? do you have children of your own? they say age doesn't matter. . .but in this circumstance, it plays a major part because you are 44 years older than her, you have experienced what u want, has she? She is so young and thinks that you are the one and that she doesnt want to go out, have a good time, have other guys and bf's...all she wants is you. But then when the time comes when she's in her mid-20's or even 30's, she may realise what she wants later in life and you may not fit in her "ideal" lifestyle whatever it may be. She is a girl and girls get sprung very easily - trust me i know. Tell her tell her over and over again. Ask her has she experienced life? Has she travelled experienced new places and new people? Been in other relationships etc. Make her realise what she wants and the steps she is about to take.

Best of luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008):

Nice going, old man. You still got some fuel in the tank after all.

Why the hell are you even complaining? A 20-something wants to make like demons with you and this is your problem? Enjoy it. After all the shit you've been through you deserve this kind of love and tenderness.

Anyway about the impotency... you ever tried medication? Viagra, Cialis... that sort of thing?

Stick with it. Let her end it if and when she wants to.

Flynn 24

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008):

Yes, you are being selfish. A 20 year old woman who wants to be in a relationship with an impotent 64 year-old man has a problem. Call them daddy issues, or in this case, grandpa issues, bottom line is there is some psychological problem. I am not saying that you aren't a nice guy and don't deserve to be in a healthy relationship with a woman in your age bracket, but by continuing the affair with this "girl" you are enabling her. Let her go and get the help she needs.

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A female reader, balletgrl United States +, writes (21 September 2008):

Love is hard to find. If she is happy and the two of you respect each other then you should stay together. I don't think you're being selfish so long as she is allowed to think for herself and this is what she really wants.

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