A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I guess the title says a lot of it. I'm a guy in my late 20's, no girlfriend, haven't had one before. Not really any friends, and it's been awhile since I had any of those either. I have a job, but I'm not really able to connect with anyone. I try to go out, but I just can't seem to meet anyone in the area. I live in the US, but not near anyplace where prostitution is legal. I've tried going out to a bar alone a couple of times, but any attempts to go out have just been me drinking alone. I know there's ways for guys to have sex in general, but they seem pretty scummy. I'm tired of people telling me to just wait and it will happen eventually. I'm too old for that, too lonely. At my age, it just seems hopeless to keep waiting. I'm in pretty good shape, not terrible looking. Have a very stable career.What are my options in terms of meeting women for a one-night-stand sort of deal? I don't think I would ever pay for sex, and I don't have any idea how to go about that anyway, but I feel like there has to be women in similar lonely situations as me. Maybe there's some way to connect with them through finding things like this. I just feel like I've tried a lot, and I'm out of ways to just get this all over with.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 July 2016):
 Have you tried Tinder and other online dating sites?
How about not making life about sex/relationships? You've made it 29 years pretty much on your own, and I think that says something about you as a person. Not in a negative way, just that some people aren't good in dealing with others, and some might even prefer to not interact with others. Could be you suffer from a mental health problem that hasn't been diagnosed yet, that makes it difficult for you to read others and thus difficult to make friends or fit in.
Be that as it may, you are on your own, you have a hard time finding friends, let alone love interests. Online forums could be a good way to get in touch with others like you. If you have any hobbies or special interests, going to a convention could also be a great place to meet people like yourself. Moving to a larger city is generally also a good idea when it comes to finding people who are alike one self. If you are different from the people in your current town, and it's a small town, the likelihood of finding more people who are like yourself, is greater when you move to a larger city.
How do you feel about going through the rest of life alone? Is it something you can live with, or is it something you can not live with? Having sex isn't everything in life. Finding a friend is often far more important. And then again there are life experiences you can have on your own. Traveling. Developing your passions. Enjoying the great things in life. How are you doing in that department? Are you currently enjoying your life, and sexual experience/friendship is what is missing, or are you dissatisfied with life in general?
Have you talked to someone in real life about these thoughts?
As for your actual question, without knowing much about your situation, the only advice I can give is to try online communities and move to a larger city. Aim for friendships first and learn how to develop one of those. Then pursue sex afterwards (not with your new friend, though!).
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 July 2016):
 If you can't connect with a girl on a friendship level, it will be even harder to get a one night stand. Do you have sisters or cousins that you grew up with? Do you have other people you can practice with? Perhaps teaching English to foreigners? Or helping children in need?
Of course there are lonely women online. You still have to hone your skills in initiating conversation and keep their interest because you will be outnumbered by many other men who have a better game than you since they had experience. Hooking up is more than satisfying your needs because you are lonely. A lot of people are lonely but they are also looking for what else you have to offer besides your virginity. It could be your humour, your common interests, your ability to engage in intellectually stimulating conversations.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (2 July 2016):
 The ways of getting ONS are usually pretty scummy because that's what most hookups are.
You're equating sex to companionship. Sex won't make you feel less lonely.
Sex really isn't the be-all-end-all and it's very likely you give off a "one-track mind" and it's turning women off.
Do you *want* a relationship? Try walking before running - i.e a relationship before a kiss and a kiss before sex. There's a very important reason you haven't connected with anyone yet and I think you need counselling to figure that out; a one night stand, or serious of them, won't solve it even improve your situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2016): Have you even considered starting a meaningful relationship and enjoying sex as a way to express love and affection?
I think you may have some issues you need to workout, if you've lived so long and have never connected with anyone on an intimate and emotional level. You may need to get a professional opinion first.
If you're waiting for some woman to just lay down and spread her legs to accommodate you and send you on your way; a prostitute IS what you're looking for. With such a detached and utilitarian approach, it might be why women avoid you.
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