A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:im 43 and slept with an 18 year old and now shes pregnant but thats not the only problem she said that she fort we was going out when we slept together i knew she gets very close to people too fast but i didnt realise she wanted more than sex i fort as i dont want a serious relationship at my age that a girl her age wouldnt she wants to keep the baby but as she has special needs im worried that she wont be able to deal with it and il end up having to look after it what should i do Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): I hear the other arguments but I do not see any reason why my opinion should change.
Either you are mature enough to be responsible for your actions or you are not. We can't give people full rights and only partial responsibility. People cannot have varying amounts of responsibility depending on who they are having sex with.
What if the 18yo girl was posting question here? Picture if she was not pregnant and she was asking if she had the right to choose her own sex life. The answer would be a resounding "YES!" So stop with they hypocrisy and call the situation what it is. Equal rights means equal blame.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (11 September 2010):
 @ ANON, You must have missed the part that this 18 year old is special needs so she may not have understood that he was just having casual sex with her. If you were a 43 year old man would you have sex with a special needs 18 year old? Depending upon her special needs she may not have the full mental capacity of a normal 18 year old. Anyway regardless of that, you tell me who is more the adult here an 18 year old or a 43 year old? You're really going to tell me this special needs girl took advantage of a full grown man? Get real.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 September 2010):
 Male anonymous, they hold him responsible because she is young, she lacks experience and has learning difficulties, so she has less ability to make sensible choices....
But I think he has learning difficulties too, so therefore he also makes unwise choices.
If your brain is funny and you are young, you think a man loves you and will take care of you for life. She lacks the normal brain ability, she needs help from people just to make sense of life and stay alive. If a normal, older guy had sex with her, and left her with a baby, he is down right wicked. She has very little skills to deal with a baby, she can't even look after herself, and that's why she is pregnant and expecting marriage or total commitment.
You sir anonymous has no compassion, empathy or understanding of sickness and the weakness of others.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): Why you all holding this man responsible for even 1% more of this problem than the pregnant woman is?
How did he take advantage of her? It took both of them. He did not rape her. He did not lie to her. In fact it sounds like he might have even been the more decieved person of the two.
If we do not intend to hold 18yo girls fully responsible for their actions like adults, then we have no business giving them the right to have sex like adults.
Actions = responsibility. Even if you are young and female.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (10 September 2010):
Do you have special needs as well? Is that why you made this mistake? Is everything confusing to you? You must take care of this girl and her baby now, because they need your help? Please talk to your care worker about the trouble you now find yourself in.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 September 2010):
One, you should have used protection and she should have been on birth control. Secondly, she has special needs did you even specify you were using her for sex? Thirdly, how could you be so low and use her like that? Lastly, she's just a mere 18 and your a 43 year old man who's old enough to be her father. And you definitely know better. She most likely is going to keep the baby and nab your ass in child support. Hope you have a good job.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 September 2010):
Unlucky. Crack out the wallet on this one, because you have a responsibility for it.
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A
male
reader, Bobito +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Wake up. You're 43. Maybe it's time for you to take responsibility of your own actions. You don't want a relationship with her? Fine. You don't have to love her.
But you're bound to support her and the child.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): Your 43 years old! How could you be so careless in your decisions? You should know that having sex with someone that young is just asking for trouble. Enjoy your fatherhood!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Sorry Buddy but you sound like the one with "special needs". Get out your wallet, this stupidity is really gonna cost you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 At 43, you decide to have sex with an 18 y.o. girl with special needs, without bothering to check if she's on the same page with you about the nature of your relationship, and without using protection.
She may be too young, and perhaps inadequate as a mother, but you surely don't sound like a monument to maturity, responsibility and reliability.
I think probably the best thing for this child is to be given out for adoption ,so that he / she can get proper care and nurturing.
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A
male
reader, bartmaverick +, writes (8 September 2010):
 "she fort we was going out" - is that the sort of thing even a semi-literate 43 year old would write?
Troll post?
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 September 2010):
 You should have thought about that before you slept with her without using protection. You were thinking with your second brain at the time no doubt! If you knew she had 'special needs' then it was up to you to be an adult about it and either not get into a sexual relationship, or refrain from unprotected sex at the very least. Lots of women who have sex with men confuse physical sex with having a relationship and being 'loved'. You only have to read other posts on this website to realise that. It is her body and she must decide whether to keep the baby or not. If she has a learning disability then it doesn't mean she will be a bad mother. She may need extra support from people around her and the health visitor can offer additional help. Whether you want to be a father or not is irrelevant right now - the deed has been done. The Child Support Agency will chase you for maintenance payments and you will have a right to access as a parent that can be enforced through the family court system if necessary. Even if you don't want anything to do with the child, you will still be required to pay maintenance if she claims income support or other benefits (which I would assume would be the case if she is not working due to the baby). If you have genuine concerns about her ability to care for the child then you can contact social services. They can do an assessment of her needs and put interventions in place to prevent her from losing parental rights. This can be done even before the baby is born, but you should only contact them if you have real concerns rather than out of spite or fear about your impending fatherhood.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): Should have thought about this before you started sleeping with a girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): Idiotic. Plan and simple. Think of the consequences of your actions and at your age I shouldn't need to state that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): you should have thought about using contraception if you weren't planning on having a child. and as for her thinking you two are in a relationship, maybe you should have made it clear when you started having sex. you need to support her and the baby now and face the consequences of your actions. maybe you could talk to her about abortion or adoption, but at the end of the day you can't force her into anything
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): You brought it on yourself. Sleeping with a teenager with learning difficulties; that was your mistake.
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