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female
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anonymous
writes:I am really struggling in a particular area of my life at the moment. I became a christian a year ago and beleive that I should wait until I am married to have intimate relations. I never have been one to have many boyfriends etc before I was a christian, so my Nun like existance (ha ha!!) is kinda familiar... Except because I know I shouldn't have...I want very badly if you know what I mean!! There are a couple of guys I really like, one who I don't know and have just seen around who I fancy. I get myself wound up by thinking thoughts of kissing etc with these guys. I know that this is normal but I can't put myself in a situation that will allow for any kind of relationship to happen with these guys as they themselves are not christian! I'm in a catch 22 situation as I really can't avoid these guys, and don't feel bad about having these feelings either! I'm not asking for reassurance, just like to know if anyone else is in a similar situation and any advice on how to get through this will be great...!! Ta!! (I'm 26 BTW)
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys!! I will try to relax... :-) I know there are other ways other than sex that 2 poeple can do and will cross that bridge if and when I come to it! I think at the moment I need to stay away from temptation and keep control of the situation! x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): there are other ways to please each other. don't restrict yourself thinking that sex is the only way to give each other pleasure. how about massages? manual manipulation? intercourse isn't the only option you have here. xxx dee
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A
female
reader, sjfivhm07  +, writes (26 February 2007):
 I really understand what you mean. I'm in the same situation only on the other side of it. My bf of 5 yrs is a pretty devout Catholic and I'm agnostic. Believe me, there have been times when our "wants" have been close to going a bit too far, but that is something that he has always been careful to not let get out of hand. And I understand that. I think the key is to find someone who is okay with that belief.
The other thing that you might want to try (although some people find it a bit stupid) is to have a purity/promise ring. This last Valentine's Day, my bf and I exchanged them and it is a nice little symbol of your commitment to each other and your beliefs that we always have with us. For right now, why not enjoy something that isn't really risque like arts or exercise? Or find a "clean" hobby? Actually, that's how my bf and I met- through an archery class. That way, you know you can have fun without having THAT kind of "fun", and you know that's something you can both enjoy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): Congratulations on being determined to withhold yourself until marriage, to have intimate relations. However, it sounds like you are struggling with your core belief system here. Are you absolutely sure you are prepared for the restrictions your christian beliefs put on you? You have to really think hard about that. Changing one's religious belief midstream is a challenge for many people and I understand your dilemma. The only way you will resolve your issue here, is simple. Do not date men who do not share your values and your oath to chastity before marriage. If they don't share your belief you will never change their minds. It's already difficult enough to remain chaste when both the guy and girl are committed to it, much less when only one person in a relationship is committed to it. It would not be fair to a partner who doesn't have the same belief in 'sexual abstinence' as you have. So get out there and find a great fellow who shares your own christian beliefs. Look around in your church or social functions where people of your faith gather. Does your church, in your area have youth groups or young adult volunteer programs or similar functions where you could meet people? As a last resort, if your temptations get to be too much why not try to seek the counsel of a female pastor or religious person in your church and seek some guidance from her? Good luck, hun--stay strong and steady.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (26 February 2007):
 If you want to stay free from immorality then stay free from the things that lead to it, conversation that always dwells on the opposite sex, also reading material or pictures that have only one aim - to excite sexual passion, nightclubs where drink and drugs is rife. Keep your mind, your eyes and your tongue occupied with clean positive things, working toward worthwhile goals that bring enduring benefits and that leave no shame or heartache and try and mix with like minded people who think the way you do.
Why dangle temptation in front of your eyes when you know you can't/shouldn't touch it.
Eve
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