A
female
age
30-35,
*onaly
writes:hi! my agony is that i just met a man online, i am still 18 and he is 40 years old. now the problem is i have been searching for many years of my love and i think i found him. we respect our age differences, we feel compatible with each other now. we use to chat, call and do caring for each other, though we not meet in person yet, we already a compatibility with each other. Now, after a several months he decided to come here in my country, he said we meet and know more each other and marry. but he wants a sex before marriage, because he shared to me that he was divorce because he do sex after marriage and later on they find incompatibility in sex so they divorced, and he dont want it to happen again, he wants to feel me. i am virgin still now, my agony is that should i give it to him? but i am afraid to loose him too. what shall i do? please help me.
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female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (16 September 2010):
 Why bother? You're not in love with him, though you may think you are. You don't even know this man in person, and even worse, he's just making excuses and giving you a sob story to get you to give him your virginity. Men his age often go after women your age for only one thing, and it's not a serious relationship.
A
female
reader, 0Guest0  +, writes (16 September 2010):
 I dont think this man really loves you..did u told him that you dont want to lose your virginity? if he really loves you he wouldnt ask you for sex first.... sex is not love...you dont deserve a man who dont respect you and your feelings...he said that he want sex before his marriage it shows that he is not intrested in you he is intrested in sex..and how much do u know about him? you just met him online? and what if he is married and he lied to you that he is divorced? he is older than you and you are just 18.....say no to him and find a new boyfriend of your age :)
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A
female
reader, sarahrose20  +, writes (14 September 2010):
because his maturity level and yours are soo far apart it is unlikely that you are compatible. you may be ok for a while but eventually you will run into problems maybe not for another 10 years or so when hes 50 and your not even 30 yet your still soo young and you may want to make a commitment to him but he doesnt have much of his life left and you are just starting yours. him saying he wants to take your virginity before marriage is showing some bad signs if he respected you he would want to honor you. you are young and niave dont take that the wrong way but its true and hes counting on it. i went threw something similar when i was 16 im 20 now and all i got was a lot of pain and realization about life and men especially. the reason why he is soo nice and caring is because he is interested in you but not the way you think. you probably think he loves you and you love him but dont confuse your emotions, feeling safe and comfortable with someone is not the same as love. think about what ive said and insist on marriage before sex and dont give in no matter how much he bugs you. him bugging you for sex after you have said after marriage is a bad sign and he will probably give up and move onto his next innocent virgin.
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (14 September 2010):
 im going to skip the pleasantries and say i would steer clear of this situation.
I'm not sure how it is in the philipenes, but here in the US nearly anytime a 40year old contacts an 18 year old girl online, and requests sex before OR after marriage, it only spells trouble for the girl. And i mean serious trouble, kidnapping, rape, murder, etc.
It would not sit well on my conscience if i did not point that out to you or told you otherwise.
With that said, i highly recommend (as oldersister said) finding a boy your age, at school or other social event, and slowly building a trusting, loving relationship.
You said it here, you don't want to give him your virginity, but you dont want to lose him. If you dont want to give him your virginity, then dont! its as simple as that. Any man that can't respect your wishes does not deserve you, and it should be of no consequence to you if you lose a man that doesnt respect you.
If you plan to carry on with meeting this man, then do it very cautiously. Only meet in public, with friends, etc. until you can be certain of his motives. But again, i HIGHLY recommend against continuing contact with this man.
Be smart, stay safe, and best of luck.
Nick.
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A
male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (14 September 2010):
It's entirely possible that the two of you may have that once in a lifetime connection and have a really great relationship.
But forgive me for being cynical, but most 40 year old men who are interested in 18 year old women (who are also virgins) are really only interested in one thing.....and that's why he wants to do it now BEFORE "marriage."
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