A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a pretty big dilemma right now and I don't know what to do!I recently met this boy through some volunteer work I do, we got on really well in the group setting and had fun together, it started pretty casual but I could feel the flirting building up, the more time we spent together.I knew he was 15, but he's so mature for his age which was really hard to believe. He asked for my number at the end of the few days we spent together volunteering and I gave it to him, because I felt like if anything I had made a great new friend. He started texting me straight away and like when we hung out before it started casual and gradually got more flirty.He admitted he liked me and really would like to start something more serious with me but understands if I want to wait, because of his age, I'm in such a dilemma! I like him so much, we seem to have this instant connection but am I being stupid because he's still a minor? and should I walk away or just try to be friends? I'm a big believer in love at first sight and in a really strange way I could really see us being in a long term serious relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): Hi, this is the girl who posted the question, thanks for all you responses I've decided to take your advice, and try to avoid getting into a relationship with him.
But I'm having a bit of trouble telling him, I've been trying to be a bit more distance over the last few days
but he doesn't seem to be taking the hint, I cancelled plans we made for tomorrow and I have been really trying to
distance myself, but at the same time I don't want to lose him as a friend because we get one great :)
I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to politely tell him that a relationship between us shouldn't happen right now because of the gap in our ages
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (3 September 2015):
 I am going to tackle this from a slightly different angle to the others - they all have taken the sexual side, and rightly that is a complete no-no on your part. He is underage, and that applies to boys and girls.
I want you to think more about your lifestyle, and how you live it.
What do you like to do?
Where do you like to go out?
Are you thinking of going to University?
Questions you might feel are not relevant, but the answers would be hugely different for an 18 year old to one who was 15.
At 18, you are legally allowed to drink and smoke.
Do you like going to pubs/clubs/drinking games? Do you arrange to meet your friends at a bar?
What about the cinema? You can see 18 rated films.
So, you have a 15 year old boyfriend. What do you do together? He cannot come out with you and friends if you are going clubbing/pubbing?
You cannot go and see a film rated over 15.
He will be sitting his GCSE's next year, I expect his parents will want him to knuckle down with work. Are you planning on going to uni? Getting a job?
What do you tell your new colleagues/student friends, "oh yeah, my boyfriend is still at school"... would you be ok with that?
I know these seem like silly things, but you are in a different place in your life. Activities need to be age appropriate. You are an adult, he is a child.
Teenage boys are notorious (sorry guys) for having sex on the brain. For him, getting an older girlfriend would be a massive ego boost, and make him look like a right stud amongst his friends.
At your age, feelings are confusing. You are in the first flush of sexual awakening, romance, etc and you want to grab it for fear of never seeing it again. Listen to those who have been there before you - there is plenty of time, and plenty of more suitable men for you. Let this fish get a bit bigger.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): Look, I've been there. I was 17, he was 14, we had similar interests and issues, plus, he was my brother's friend, so we saw each other a lot. It took me a year or talking to him fairly platonically, with a bit of banter that could have been considered awkward flirting, to realise we weren't in the same places in life and he was still a child. He seemed mature compared to others his age, but that is actually just because others are so immature. His age has limitations on how mature he can really be. I thought I was mature for my age at his age, but it turned out that everyone else was just more immature, even though I'd been through a lot more than most at that age. I understood more and related more to adults, but that didn't make me any less of a child.He's still a child. Let it go and stop the flirting; it's leading him on and you'll unintentionally cause him real problems developmentally because you're more emotionally ahead than him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2015): Is he anywhere close to being 16? I dont see the problem in the UK or other countries where the age of consent is 16. I say so because you havent done anything sexual as of yet.
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A
female
reader, babalou +, writes (2 September 2015):
 "In your shoes" person again. I forgot to add that some advice that someone gave me that I should have listened to is that it's easy to find people "mature" when you aren't comparing it too much else. When compared to a 15 year old who is bouncing off of the walls or just acting extremely silly, sure, he might seem mature. But when compared to yourself or a person who is actually mature with responsibilities that you have and he will eventually have, would he be able to or is he able to handle those responsibilities? The worst thing to do is to compare him to other 15 year olds because a lot of people who are still immature are more immature than some immature 15 year olds. Plus, question your standards for maturity. What makes him mature? The fact that he isn't jumping around and screaming when you talk to him? The fact that he is a good listener? My KG class passes those standards.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2015): Don't do it. I was in your shoes a few years ago.I went through with it while keeping everything safe and not sexual, but one thing I can tell you is that once you get out of the honeymoon phase, which will happen quickly if you do go through with it, you'll see that because of your age, you are in two different mindset regarding relationships and the younger guy is not as mature as he may come off. You don't have to see the immature side of him since he allows you to see the best of him. It will be extremely frustrating and you may end up thinking "it's worth it. I'm in this deep already, so he'll mature with a little more time", but things never line up with maturity. I thought my ex was mature too but it's only on situations where he needs to be significantly mature that you'll realize that no, he's not very mature. I ended up having to "teach" my ex so much about relationships down the line that people who are mature would already understand, like responsibility with finances, "don'ts" in relationships. Just too much stuff ended up showing me his lack of real maturity down the line. Please take this advice and don't get involved. I ended up passing up so many opportunities when I got to college, like studying abroad, just because I didn't want to put a strain on my relationship anymore than it had been because of all of the issues that arose due to his immaturity, and I regret so much.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (2 September 2015):
 If you are smart you will ignore the attraction and walk away. 3 years is a huge difference when one person is 15 and the other 18. Over here in the US, he's jailbait. We have an expression "15 will get you 20"..meaning messing with a 15 year old can you 20 years in jail...
Mature as he may seem, he's not an adult. I have a son and when he was 15 I would not have been happy if an 18 year old girl had been hanging around him.
Walk away.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 September 2015):
 EDIT
I have a 5 year old at home,
Should have been...
I have a 15 year old at home,
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 September 2015):
I think you need to nip this in the bud, right now.
18 is considered an adult (young adult, but.. an adult) a 15 year old is a teenager, but STILL a kid.
Keep the flirting and sexual talk out of it, for now. Be friends, no more.
I have a 5 year old at home, I would not be happy with some 18 year old pursuing her. And if she had been a boy, same thing goes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2015): Sorry! He's too young!
Being mature within all legal definitions and boundaries; and behaving like someone older that you are, isn't one in the same. Your opinion is subjective, if not biased.
He is barely legal even in the UK. The age of consent other than vaginal intercourse is 14. I doubt an 18 year-old female isn't going to want sex, if she's as into a guy as you're describing your feelings for this "boy." He's barely out of puberty.
Long-term? Seriously?!!
Legally, you're walking a thin line.
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