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I'm 16 dating a guy who's 22. Do you think that's wrong?

Tagged as: Age differences<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 October 2007) 13 Answers - (Newest, 31 December 2008)
A female United States age 30-35, *ayneedsanswers writes:

I'm sixteen and i just started dating a 22 year ol that i met at a concert.. Our relationship is purely innocent. The idea of sex hasnt even came up. He is really respectful and we connect and a different level than age. I really and truly in my heart dont think it is wrong. But im afraid everyone else will. What do you all think?

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A female reader, bella17 United States +, writes (31 December 2008):

I hope that's not wrong. I'm seventeen and there's this guy I like who's 21. Is that weird? I dont think so, but I've mentioned it to a bunch of other people, and the majority find it odd. For me it wouldn't be a problem, but do you think it would bother him? Gahhhh I hate this!!!

He's the only guy I've ever truly had feelings for before, and [ not that this is the only thing that matters] but he's completly gorgeous.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

Hey im Kemi and im in a simular situation, completly the same .Your right I dont think it is wrong and im sure the guy your dating dosent. Im 15 and in a relationship with a guy who is 21 .. my mother and friends are fine about it but when my dad found out he flipped , parents will be protective ,, if you have protective parents do not tell them .. but i spose your 16 and you have concent i dont .. my father wants me to move out at 16 if i still want to be with this guy .. i love him and he loves me and no one can see it age is just a number .. people are calling him a pedo. If your mature enough to be with someone what dose it matter. My dad made me end it . But i called him later and said if we want to be together it will be hard but we can fight for it . It really depends on what you want deep inside hey you might have cool parents but theres nothing they can do your 16. hope ive helped good luck , kemi x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007):

i would not say this is wrong as a rule. however, even though sex has not come up, you have to be really careful with older male/younger female relationships, this is just the sad truth. i am 16, i was going out with a 25 year old woman, but there simply are not the same things to consider this way round. if your relationsip is like ours was, and there is some chance of this, then that is really great. you just have to keep in mind that, for instance, there is a multi-million doller industry within the porn industry marketing the idea of taking a younger girls innocence, and how this is a great thing. a man obviously wouldnt mention if he was into such things. i wish you the best, and hope that you find out whether he is sincere or not. just keep in mind that most men hold secrets.

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A female reader, lil-angel182 United Kingdom +, writes (19 October 2007):

lil-angel182 agony auntmy advice is go with it and dont care what anyone else tells u.I'm also 16 and i'm going out with a guy thats 20 and he's the best boyfriend ever and we're in love and loving every minute of it, none of those immature ragin hormones from guys our age lol.Just to warn u though the topic of sex will come up eventually and if ur still not ready tell him and if he cares for u he will wait like mines has.

good luck and mail me if u want to talk :) xoxo

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007):

i say go with what your heart tells you who cares what other people think there not the ones living your life

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A female reader, L.O.S.E.R. Serbia +, writes (10 October 2007):

L.O.S.E.R. agony auntAs Waterloo Sunset gave you great advice I can just repeat it:don't give a shit about others opinion and enjoy:)

Tho (there's always a "but") keep a bit of clear headed thinking cause society's opinion on the subject (as on any other) is generally based on past experiences some of us were unhappy to have,that's why the law about consent age exists...All I'd like you to be aware of is that you can always expect really anything from anyone and that also goes for your so far so great (and hopefully he'll stay that way) boyfriend.You just started dating so it's logical that sex hasn't come up as a subject...yet-cause he is 22 and at the top of his desires and needs.There's a chance he'll want it rather sooner than later and you...It is up to what you want after all.I'd find it strange for you NOT to have sex with him if you're together for a while and YOU WANT it but in your question I made sense that you don't so based on that I'm perfectly sure that you shouldn't.

My advice is to see how things will go further but to be very cautious and if you ever feel he want's to take advantage of you in any way dump him the same moment.

I wish I know you in person and we're friends so we could talk about him and you know,cause I can't possibly evaluate the situation properly (I don't think anyone really can) cause you gave us only few sentences describing your relationship with the guy and one fact only "i just started dating a 22 year ol that i met at a concert" if you know what I mean.So I kinda feel the need to protect you lol,not that I think you're immature or something,honestly,it's just that only 3 yrs ago I was 16 and remember what it was like to all the girls I know and myself.If anything new happens in your relationship please post a new question here or contact me in pm whenever you want cause I'd so much like to know if you'll be doing ok with him in the future too.If nothing - just take care a big time.x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007):

Stop worrying about what others think and just enjoy life. The age gap is nothing, my friend married her boss who is 21 years older than her and they have been married now for 10 years and are blissfully happy. Just dont have under age sex. Be very careful and have a brilliant future.

Take care

x

x

x

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A female reader, Fairy_Lu United Kingdom +, writes (10 October 2007):

Fairy_Lu agony auntWell as long as you dont have sex till its legal and your ready i dont think its a problem 6 years isnt that much diffrent so dont worry about it as long as your both happy thats all that matters

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A female reader, sarasexypants United States +, writes (10 October 2007):

Honestly I think it is fine.

Anyway... 6 year difference? Not that bad sweetie

I know people who are 12-20 years apart, and as long as you feel it is okay, then it is.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (10 October 2007):

Collaroy agony auntAs long as there is no sex I cant really see a problem. I understand the age of consent is between 16-18 so be aware that if you do have sex he could go to jail for statutory rape.

Personally, I find it hard to see how a 22 year old could go out with a 16 year old as when I was 22 I was interested in girls my own age - they are a world apart from girls even a couple of years younger ( and of course you can have a sexual relationship), but its really down to the individuals.

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A female reader, anonymous18 United Kingdom +, writes (10 October 2007):

I haven't much experience in these situations but it sounds like a good relationship. Most girls are emotionaly and mentally maturer than boys their own age, I myself am often attracted to boys older than me. You sound mature enough to make your own decisions about your relationship.

It is a drawback in your age group that the girls are often much maturer than the boys. As long as there is no pressure for sex in your relationship I think it is a good thing. It sounds as if you connect on a level that is not purely sexual and that is a precious thing in any relationship. As long as you feel comfortable with him that is all that matters.

Your friends will probably think it is perhaps not 'right' but my friend is 19 and her boyfriend is 27 and they are fantastic together. Personally I think you are lucky to find someone who must be so much more mature than most boys your age. You must be quite mature yourself to be able to connect with an older man so I have no doubt you can come to your own decision over this.

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A male reader, Tommy7 United States +, writes (10 October 2007):

Everyone else will think it's wrong because a guy that age knows how to flatter an immature girl of 16.

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A male reader, Bronze United States +, writes (9 October 2007):

If the proposition of sex does ever come up, you guys need to do your research. The age of consent is different in every state. As for how society views it, well, he's old enough to drink, you're not old enough to vote. I don't think society views those kinds of relationships very favorably.

Personally, I'd say this guy is too old for you and that you should be cautious. Yes, he may be respectful, mature, charming and whatnot, but that can all change in the blink of an eye. But then again, he can be the perfect gentleman.

If you're having doubts about the ethics surrounding your relationship, which is obvious in your asking of this question, then you need to seriously re-evaluate your relationship with this man.

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