A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:hellooplease could you help me! i realy want a baby and i'm 13 but i will be 14 if i have a baby all my mates are sick and tired of me going on about it. i have told my boyfriend and he agrees with me 100% he wants a baby and he has said he will stick with me no matter what i decide to do.i feel really depressed and emotional all the time because i want one that bad.i really want to have a baby i've saved money up and thought it all through where he/she is going to live how much he/she will cost. the only thing i dont want to do is to tell my perants, i know they would be happy and stand by me and all but i am scared of there initional reaction.i am very mature as i live around adults and babys and i always babysit by little cousions and help around the house.i dont feel complete and i think having a baby will fill that hole i have in my heart for years and also i feel this would be the only way i could draw attention to my self because my sister has always had the spot light she is good at all her school subjects at school and she is always around my mum and my dad.please help me and my boyfriend. thank you. xxx
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female
reader, Sarhai  +, writes (4 June 2022):
Hi um I'm 13 about to be 14 I understand what your going through I want a baby so bad .because I don't have to worry about other pp not loving me cause my child will always be there for me and love me cause I will be there mommy. And I want to make sure my child does not go thru any trauma that I been through like rape etc . I wil plays make sure my baby is always safe .I just want somome that could teach them how to be them and grow up them and teach them what's wrong and what's right. You see I did not have that chance when I was young . I did not have a mom or dad to be there for me so I want My child to know they will have there mommy always there. I think that other mothers that have kids and don't want them or hurt them is crazy cause the child did not ask to be brought in to this world . But I want my kid to know I wanted theme to be in this world and I'm think about getting pregnant before I turn 15 should I ? DON'T JUDGE CAUSE YOU DID NOT GO THROUGH EVERYTHING I HAVE BEEN THRU THAN YOU .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): I understand your position. I am 13 now, and at 12 tried and got pregnant with my now 18 yr old boyfriends baby.
My daughter Mykaila (Mi-kay-la) is now 5 weeks old.
I am now homeschooled, and have the total mom look.
My daughter looks exactly like mommy. (:
So everyone knows shes mine, (also i live in a small town of 250 people) xD But listen I have probably spent about 8,000 dollars in the last 5 weeks. On: Diapers, formula, doctors bills, clothing, baby powder, wipes, etc.
So, its a lot of money.
Which I thought I had enough for the first 5 months.
Which I have spent.
Diapers go for about 25-30 dollars.
And, trust me you aren't ready.
I'm not ready yet.
I am a full time stay at home mom.
Are you ready for that?
After I got pregnant, I didn't think my boyfriend James was gonna stay because he needed a break. But, thankfully he did.
And he's a great dad. But, he almost left.
And, I couldn't have done this with out him..
So please, I don't know if ur still thinking this through. But please wait.
I love Mykaila to DEATH. Shes my WORLD!
Atleast where i live they do.
And its very hard since the economy is so bad.
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female
reader, makeabetterworld +, writes (20 May 2010):
Please do not go through with that! You are still a child yourself. You have so much more growing to do! If you're depressed having a child will NOT help you. You need to figure out why you are depressed and get help. It sounds all peaches and cream to have a baby- they're cute, they're sweet... But believe me it will be one of the hardest things you will ever do. Say goodbye to sleep and relaxation. Goodbye to doing things YOU want to do. You basically sacrifice your life for many years. I'm 25 years old and I have a 17 month old daughter. I had to drop out of college and now I'm trying to get back into school. All I do right now is stay at home with her, day after day after day. I basically don't have a life anymore. Or money. I just was approved for Child Care Assistance, so now I'll be getting her in a daycare so I can get back in school. Without the assistance I wouldn't be able to afford daycare. It is extremely expensive! And I refuse to put her in a home daycare because you hear so many stories of ABUSE and NEGLECT.
You are 13. Do you really think you'll still be with this same boyfriend when you're my age? I remember having boyfriends around that age and thinking "this is who I'll be with forever". But it really sounds stupid that I thought that, but I was 13. I was still a child. I believed many things would happen at that age.
The best thing for you to do is focus on yourself. Do awesome in school, do thing you like to do, try new things! Have FUN! You have your whole life ahead of you! Not only would having a baby at your age be horrible for you, but also for the baby! You'd be an uneducated, single, young mother. It wouldn't be good for any of you. Teenagers have a greater chance of abusing their babies also. They tend to lose their temper without realizing it and injure the baby by hitting or by shaking them. SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME causes death or disabilities the child has to live with for life. I hope you decide to wait! BEST WISHES!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): I've been thinking about it too, but what if it messes up life for us after?
what if we cant get a good education and we have to work a shit job for the rest of our lives?
Our options are have a baby now and work a shit job for the rest of our lives and never get to spend much time with the baby OR
wait a few years and get a good job have a baby and not worrie about the money and stuff.
unless you have at least 20 grand saved up, i wouldint do it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010): don't. i went through that phase it's hormones,
wanting attention isn't a reason to have a baby
your too young your body couldn't take it
just don't mmkay?
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female
reader, lil miss blond3 her answerin ur questions +, writes (24 April 2010):
 im 14.
and yeah ive thought about wanting a baby.
but thing is yeah you may have saved money up but how long will that last.
your still growing up.
you wont be able to go out as much
you wont be able to sleep out or go anywhere without the baby unless you make agreements
it could the wrong way.
you have said that it might fill a hole, what if it doesnt ?
you really need to think about it. i wouldnt say you would regret it but you might, and your only 13 you shouldnt need the responsibility of a child.
hope i helped.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): hey thing is its your life not anyone else's im 13, 14 in October. I don't know how your feelings but I know if you have to do something then you have to do something, just remember it might not be the wisest decision but that doesn't mean its the wrong one. Maybe wait a while like 2 months see how you feel about it then.This may sound corny but instead of listening to your brain listen to your heart, it sounds silly but I personally think it helps anyway ignore or the people getting you down, I didnt and i got depressed so erm yeah i just think you need to remember one thing.its your decision no one else's. hope this helped later
goodluck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): i feel the same im 13 and i really want a baby i keep having dreams about it and think i would be a good mother , and if your ready its your life but i do think we are a bit too young but i cant get it off my mind but your parents proberly would understand but my mum would HIT th roof she would not be happy with my decision
are you a virgin ??
im here as we feel the same way !x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): Please listen, its not cracked up to be a mom at 13. Have you seen Mtv's tv show 16 and pregnant, please for all of our sakes watch that show and then give us your response.
I understand about your "hole" because a few years ago my grandmother died, but the hole was big enough to want to have a baby! I also have a little know it all sister, but yet...i still don't want a baby!
Obstacles run into your life that your just going to have to prepare for. If you have over 100,000 dollars, or whatever currency you use i hope your ready. Babys aren't toys that can just be put up or given away, once you have had the baby its a done deal, and you cannot just give it to your parents so that you can party or something like that in junior high or high school.
Im so sorry if i sound rude but please for your familys sake don't get pregnant wait until you get out of college and have a good job and husband you love
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female
reader, rachibear87 +, writes (6 April 2010):
Having a baby is not easy,especially at 14! You need to be a child. You are not actually legal to have sex yet. Im not saying you wont be a good mum but your boyfriend is young aswell..what if he panics and leaves you ? what will you do ? i was 17 when i had my son and i thought i was too young...i coped and was in a good relationship and still am. But it scared the hell out of us and we didnt know what to do! If you really truely think that having a baby is the right thing for you then go for it but you cant change it...a child is for life. If you were my daughter i would support you and help you through it..i really hope you get that support from your parents. I really do hope everything turns out okay for and you make the right choice for yourself. Take care honey x
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): Soo u want a baby at 14,well then do it,believe me it won't be easy in fact I doubt u'll b able to cope.but wiff friends and family u shud b fine, as for school,u canget home tutored or apply for sum government scheme that pays for childcare(I no coz my friennd lol) and as for money,yh it'll b tight bt ii guess thers always benefits right.if u want a baby,then say goodbye to everything such as parties,nice clothes etc for at least 13 yrs until the child can look after themselves,cos believe me I doubt any1 will b offerin to help often.
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male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (2 April 2010):
Uh, think for a few seconds about the child and the FACT that there is NO WAY you're ready for this and you'll screw up the rest of your life. Saving a few dollars isn't what's required. An education, maturity and stable home IS...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Every one xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): i hope you know its not a toy, it grows up and has tantrums it aint all its cracked up to be, its a tough job to do and its great being a mum when you are the right age, your way too young to have a baby and your still a kid yourself you haven't even grown up yet...
maybe you just want something to love because you dont get the spotlight at home, but a baby shouldn't be the answer. babys are tough, its not an easy job, its tiring you have to constantly take care of there needs, its all about them, and its great but not at your age. dont you want a life first? you still have all your life ahead of you to have fun, have no worries, finsish school, get a job or go to college, you still have all that to do yet. so in my advice dont have a baby, your too young and you probley dont even know how to look after a baby properly, just because you babysit it means nothing, when its your own its different and hard.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010):
Giving a baby a decent middle class life for 20 years will cost as much as a 200-mph exotic sports car.
I would not imagine that you've saved up quite that much yet.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Having a baby won't fill the hole - they take more love than they give, and it will just add to your problems. I say whilst you are baby free and young - enjoy you life, see what's out there and live a little before trapping yourself so early with regards to options. I'm 25, finished my education, have love and support of family, have money and i'm almost 5 months pregnant - all i feel is trapped and the baby isn't even here yet. Sure i'll cope and i'll love baby but i really wish i'd got knocked up later in life ... i still have a lot of living i wanna do.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 April 2010):
 About this "hole thing"... I've never had a sister, I would have loved one. Maybe your sister is unhappy too. She has to get all the good grades, the parents keep on bothering her. Maybe sometimes she like to have fun and relax and switch places with you. You know, sometimes sister's aren't your enemies, they can be your very best friends. Don't know if she's older or younger, but maybe if you spend some time with her, you'll find out she's unhappy with her life just like you are.
When sister's work together, they can do anything... Is she somebody you can talk to about how lonely you feel?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 April 2010):
 The reason that the teen mums aren't on here is that they don't have time for themselves, for the luxury of sitting around and just goofing around on the computer. The ones who post here, "I'm 14 and pregnant" wind up having no time to come back and let us know what's happening, because their lives get turned upside down by the baby. They basically become mommies and that takes all their time.
I remember talking to a friend of mine who had just had her first child, who was planned and prepared for and loved. She was standing there, looking exhausted and her hair was a mess, she couldn't be away from her baby for more that two hours because she was breastfeeding. Suddenly, her breasts released the milk and she looked sadly down at her ruined shirt and said, "I feel like an unpaid, overworked servant, and that my life will never be the same. I'm not sure I can take this." This was from a 30 year old woman with lots of family and help and support and this baby had turned her into an exhausted, haggard mess. She couldn't even manage to get to the grocery store without leaking milk like an incontinent cow. Poor thing.
Anyway, those 14 year old teen mums don't really have access to the internet anymore because the money has to go for the baby's things and frankly, when they do have time to themselves, they sleep because they are so exhausted. They still have to do schoolwork and everything on top of childcare. It's not something I'd wish on a teenager who had plans for bright and exciting future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): You can't even spell yet and you're thinking about having children.... *Sigh* BTW I doubt that you've saved up 60000 pounds! (the minimum amount to raise a child in the uk up to the age of 18, I HEAVILY doubt that your pocket money has added up to sixty thousand pounds)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): i don't want to be rude & i'm not being funny, but you don't even know anything about the world at the age of 13.
nor living on your own, having your own place, having a job & saving up for holidays, being just happy in your relationship..
you have your whole life ahead of you!
it's a massive responsibility! especially as your only a child yourself, or sorry, a teen. if that's what you want to do, then do it, but i think you have so so much ahead of you before you should even consider this
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): What has happened in your life to cause you so much pain? What made that hole in your heart? Thats what you have to fix.
I thought I wanted a baby when my brother, joe, died. I was 14, and I thought that a baby would fill the hole he left. I realized I was too emotional to make such a decision. I accidentally got pregnant at 17 and had the baby. That hole was still gaping in my heart. I had my daughter at 21, and that hole is still there. Last night my son told me that he was proud that he was big like daddy, uncle john, and uncle joe. My heart broke all over again.
See, the baby cannot fill the void. I know that. I've been there. Ask your parent for a pet that is 100% your responsibility from food to poop. Not a dog, too easy, get a sugarglider or ferret. High maintenance. See how you feel in a few years.
P.S. The idea of having a baby is romantic and all, but when you are on the delivery table pushing so hard you poop yourself and tear your vagina, he will change his mind.
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female
reader, lonesum dove +, writes (2 April 2010):
 Hi sweety... I sure hope this a joke, Honey first of all you are 13 and your body have not finish developing, to have a baby at such a young age will harm you, please speak to your mom I am sure she will disagree with you having a baby, at this time in your life a baby is the last thing you should be thinking about what about your education. finish school get a great education if you were to have a baby now 9 out 10X you would have to drop out of school to raise this child, you will miss out on so much proms, high school dances, football games, pep rallys, or just hanging out with the girls, your boyfriend may say he want a baby, but once he tired of hearing that child cry he has the opportunity to walk, and guess what you are stuck raising the baby alone you said you babysit isnt there time you are tired of that child crying well that child you can give back to its mother once you have a baby there no giving back, think it over sweetheart.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 April 2010):
Sweetheart, if you have a baby, you won't fill that hole in your heart, because that baby will take all the attention once it's born. People will make a fuss, your boyfriend might get some extra attention from the authorities as he's impregnated a 13 year old, and you'll have a lot of medical attention. But once the baby is born, it'll be all about the baby, not about you. You become the baby's caretaker and tender and you will STILL feel as though you are missing the attention you are so desperately seeking.
I think you need to have a long and honest chat with your mum and dad and tell them you're feeling so low and unhappy. That would be the grown up thing to do. Talking about having a baby is a childish way of getting attention.
Good luck.
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (2 April 2010):
 p.s.
Go on the pill.
Then go to a party and have fun, being grateful that there's nothing to stop you being there =]
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (2 April 2010):
NO. Wait. I don't mean to sound harsh but becoming a mum at 14 is a BIG mistake.
Firstly, babysitting for someone else isn't the same as looking after your own. The baby will be your responsibility ALL the time, you will get really tired and will want time to yourself that you can't have.
Secondly, unless there is a constant income, you can't afford to have a child. You're not old enough to have a job and you wouldn't have time, I'm assuming your boyfriend isn't old enough to have a full time job. It wouldn't be fair to make your parents pay for the baby when they're already paying for you and your sister would it?
Thirdly, your boyfriend would get into trouble as having sex with an underage is a crime. If he's under 16 then you can both be punished but if he's 16 or over he takes full responsibility and could even have a warning from the police.
Last, you're still at school. You need to finish your education, because if you miss out on that then you'll have less of a future because there'll be less jobs you can do. You don't wanna be stuck on the checkout is Tescos for the rest of your life do you?
You sound like you want this kid because you want some affection. You'd have the affection of the baby and support from your parents. But this isn't the way you should go about seeking affection. You said you feel like your sister gets more attention than you. Sit down with your parents and talk to them about this. Say that you feel like she's the favourite and you don't matter to them as much. They probably don't realise they're doing it and when they do they'll probably try harder to make you happy.
If you want something cute and cuddly that will give you attention, why don't you get a puppy or a kitten? You'll get to look after them but it'll be easier and cheaper and they'll give you just as much love =]
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 April 2010):
"i realy want a baby and i'm 13 but i will be 14 if i have a baby all my mates are sick and tired of me going on about it."
If they are sick tired of you talking about babies now, when you don't have one, they definitely won't stick around to hear your stories about what the baby has done. They'll be off partying, going out, dating, working and spending money on themselves.....
You'll be very lonely, babies don't talk very much.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 April 2010):
1. How old is your boyfriend
2. How much money do you have saved
3. How do you intend to finish school
4. Where are you and your baby going to live
5. Are you and your boyfriend already having unprotected sex
6. What can you offer a baby, what skills and resources do you have
7. If your scared to approach your parents, then how are you going to become brave enough to fight for what your child may need in the future.
8. If your frightened about your parents shouting, how will you feel with tons of strange men (Doctors) continuously sticking their hands and various tools in your vagina to check that the baby is safe.
9. What will you do WHEN your boyfriend gets bored of a crying baby and goes off to find a girlfriend who can go out and party with him.
10. What plans have you made for social entertainment. Your friends are young and won't have a baby, they will go out to parties and off to college and you will left at home and will loose all your friends.
11. What plans have you made to find yourself a suitable job to provide for you and the baby after it's born.
12. What happens if your child is born disabled, and needs very expensive medical care.
"i dont feel complete and i think having a baby will fill that hole i have in my heart for years and also i feel this would be the only way i could draw attention to my self because my sister has always had the spot light she is good at all her school subjects at school and she is always around my mum and my dad."
VERY STUPID REASON TO HAVE A BABY.. You will be the bad sister, who got pregnant young, who has no money, who never finished college and dosen't work. She will be the "golden girl", she will have good grades, go to college, have fun, go abroad, have tons of rich, handsome boyfriends, lots of friends, and she'll have tons of money.. When she has children, her children will have the best clothes, the best toys and her parents will think that she's wonderful, because she'll wait until she's old enough to be the best parent in the world.
You on the other hand will be poor and will be a financial burden on your parents..
I suggest you try harder at school. Take up some hobbies, drama, sports, swimming, painting, cooking, the list of things you might be great in are endless.. Be your own-self, learn how to fill your hole with the great things that can do. If you want to have a baby to get your parents respect, you will FAIL very badly.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 April 2010):
You've saved £120,000? That is how much a baby costs at the MINIMUM over 18 years. The average is closer to £180,000. I don't think you have that. Also, your baby will need parents who are in good careers and who can offer it a good home, a good education and a good life. You won't be able to do that easily if you have a child too young. There will be little to no socializing for you at all.
Also, you are using the baby to fill a hole. That's wrong. You're not having a baby because you are ready to. You're having it because you think it will fill something. It won't. And your parents won't be happy about it at all.
You are in no way ready to have a baby.
And on top of it, you're 13, so it's illegal.
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male
reader, weparley +, writes (2 April 2010):
Have you ever seen that show on Mtv 16 and Pregnant?
They created the show to show people (young girls) that
this isn't a fairy tale. Each and every single last one of those girls are crying there eyes out and telling the world that it's really really hard. and how they wish they had there teenage life back.
"Reconsider" Like I said this isn't a game... how in the hell can you save money for a baby? (Explain that)
You saved your lunch money? You're only 13-14 years old
Give us a break You really have no clue what you're talking about.
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female
reader, Aliceinunderland +, writes (2 April 2010):
 For one, you are under the legal age of consent. Also having a baby cannot be all planned for expenses, if they get ill you won't be able to just get medicines for free. Babies also require a LOT of care 24/7. You do not want to ruin your chances in life by having a baby now. Think, you could have a bright future where you can afford to keep a family, or you could have one now, it will interrupt your education, get in the way of your future and plus, would you want a baby that isn't fully raised by yourself and your boyfriend?
Having a baby is a big responsibility, personally I don't think your bf would be able to take on such responsibility at such an age, despite what he is saying. Having a baby can cause big strains on your physical and mental state, your body is not yet ready to handle such a task, pregnancy is long and labour is painful and can last a long time.
I understand your feelings, I just don't want to see someone so young ruin their chances to have a real family in the future when they can really do it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): You should be proud of yourself for helping around the house and caring for your little cousins. These are things that are developmentally appropriate for you to be doing, cut yourself a break and allow yourself to be proud of yourself for them.
Feeling unsure about yourself, depressed at times, like you have a void to fill, really desiring the attention and encouragement of your parents and friends is very normal for your age too dear - you are feeling exactly the way we all do and did at 13-14. It is a difficult and unsure time. To fill that void, you need to get to know yourself; and you do that by living and throwing yourself into positive experiences that challenge you and help you grow. After 10 years of that, revisit the idea of having a kid. A baby now will not solve any of these feelings, but will make then much, much worse, feeling trapped, losing educational opportunities, a chance to live. Focus on YOU. The answers are there, not in anyone else.
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