| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: if your partner was cheating would you want to know? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): right now we are trying to work things out but I know we will be here again as his ex has said aswell he will be back again!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2007): HELL YEAH!!!! why would you not want to know??? consider this you waste your time with someone who obviously cannot love you fully, why waste your years? why waste your youth, beauty or life??? human beings are incredibly complex and a person cannot fully know and love two people at the same time. Otherwise of we fully knew who we were with we would not be questioning thier fidelity. Give yourself back your dignity and self respect. trust your gut.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): keeps cheating with his ex they were together 18yrs we are together nearly 3yrs i took him in when he had nothing he has drink problem always contacts ex when drinking she has no problem telling me, he claims she wants to split us up i cannot make my mind up help
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (20 January 2007):
 Yes, but it would kill me.......whether I would forgive or not....mmm?
**ponders**
depends on the situation and circumstances, things are not as black and white now as they used to be in my teens and twenties when I would have just dumped them outright!
Difficult one this..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): you might forgive the first time but what if he's done this quiet a few times when drunk and tries to hide it don't want to hurt you?????
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female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (17 January 2007):
 yes, I would like to know.
Deceit of not being told would hurt me more than the affair.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): for the folk that said NO can you explain a bit more as this baffles me
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): Yes I would like my partner to tell me. I wouldn't want to have it any other way. Yes, of course it will hurt, depending on my emotions towards her, but ultimately, if I am internally a weak person, then surely, not telling me will help me live through life in a delusional happy numbing state. Fortunately, my life isn't completed with intimate love alone.
In short, why would I want my partner to tell me? My answer is not based on whether I deserve her to tell me or not. It is based on whether my selection and acceptance of a partner was the correct choice for me. It would allow me to analyse and ponder over future opportunities. If I accept my partner and allow her to try to regain my trust, then surely, I must love her too deeply that it denies even my own set of principles. However, if I cannot accept her and leave her, then that would simply be each of our losses.
It would incorporate a lose-lose, a win-lose, and a win-win stalemate for both of us anyhow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): Nope. If i don't know about it, then as far as i'm concerned, it didn't happen. Most people who cheat only come clean because they've either been caught or can't live with the guilt. In my book, that's really selfish and just hurts the cheated party even more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): No. And If I ever found out, I'd be devistated. But remember, i've cheated on every guy I've ever been with, and getting caught is my worst nightmare. Be honest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): yes i would like to know ,to kick his undeserving,pathetic cheating ass out of my decent respecting life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): YES i would want to know or find out if my partner was cheating.I am 100% committed to my relationship and i would do anything to keep my partner happy and at the very least i would expect committment from them.Cheating is the one thing that i could not forgive no matter how much i loved them.
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A
female
reader, forgetmenot +, writes (15 January 2007):
 I would want to know. A relationship is pretty empty if there isn't honest communication going on and only when that honesty starts can you look at what you have together and decide whether or not it's worth it. Even if I believed I loved someone I'd still want to know if they were cheating because until I know what's really going on my love would be based on a false reality that doesn't relate to me true relationship with that person. By not telling someone you're cheating on them you may well believe you're protecting them from feeling rejected but until you're honest with them about what you want in your relationship and how you feel about them you're preventing them from finding what they want in a relationship. There's no justifiable reason for keeping the truth from someone in a relationship. If you love them but want more discuss an open relation. If they aren't open to that you have to realise that if they aren't enough and they don't want to share you that you have to let them go.
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A
male
reader, ogga +, writes (15 January 2007):
Yes yes yes yes yes!
if you are cheating on somebod you should definitely tell them if you feel bad or anything, if your going to break up with him, tell him so atleast he knows,
if you dont want to break up with him, tell him, because otherwise you wont be able to have any kind of relationship with this on your mind.
so YES
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A
female
reader, lovin +, writes (15 January 2007):
i would want to know if my boyfriend was cheating i have been cheated on b4 and would rather be told i would hate to look soooooooo stupid by not knowing but then again most people who cheat dont say when they are!!!!!
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female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 Yes, if my partner were cheating I would want to know, and if I were cheating on my partner I would have to tell them... I wouldn't be cheating (no, I never have) if the relationship were going well.
Why would I want to know? Well, as much as it would hurt, I would certainly want to know because I'd want to be checked out for STD's. I'd also want to know so I could end the relationship. In my own personal opinion, cheating is an unforgivable in a relationship. If it were a healthy one, cheating wouldn't be a part of it, so therefore something serious must be wrong. It would be nice to know why, too, but you don't always get the answers you 'want to hear.' Maybe I could learn from it.
How would I want to be told? Straight forward, get it over with, honestly, with a short explination, I'm sorry I hurt you, (maybe some groveling, and massive regret that he messed up a really good thing?! :) ), then I'd find a box, cram all his sh*t in it and throw it out the front door...see ya around, but don't come knocking on my door!
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (15 January 2007):
 I would. I don't cheat and I expect the same from my partner. Do unto others. . . .
But if the reason you are asking the question is because you are thinking of telling a friend that you know her boyfriend/husband or girlfriend/wife is cheating, that's a different story. They will find out soon enough, if they don't already know. If you inject yourself in the middle of a relationship, you can lose your friend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): is it best for him to tell you or you had to find out from someone else?
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female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 That is a tuff one, on one hand if you knew you would have to make the choice to forgive him or leave and it would be hard especially if he really means alot to you1
But on the other hand i think i would want to know because nowadays, there are funny and scary STD's and i would want to know if there was something i would worry about especially when it comes to my health!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): If my partner was cheating i would know straight away, he is rubbish at hiding his feelings at the best of time. I would want to know so that i could kick him out. But we are all different. It is one of those things that i just cannot forgive. Why do you ask??
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (15 January 2007):
 Right now my answer would have to be, yes I would. However I can imagine it being a somewhat different answer if I were older and/or married when I think you owe it to yourself to try and make a go of it. I'd still want to know however old I was but I think I'd make more of an effort to resolve our problems if I were older.
CD
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