A
male
age
30-35,
thoughtfulone
writes:Dear Cupid,I am a 34year old man, who met a 24 year old girl who told me she was a former escort. When we first met I knew her through a mutual friend we got on immmediately and enjoyed being in each others company. She when away for a year and then returned back to the mutual friend however this time when we met again our relationship developed and we got together. To know about me, I never in my life have had the urge to sleep around, for the record I get a lot of interest from Women but I have never really wanted to have sex for the sake of sex. I actually find the society that I am in (I Live in Central London W1) is a very bad example of Men and Women that seem so casual and laid back about commitment loyalty, honour etc., and the concept of one man one woman. Before you build further profile on me understand the following:I have my own business which whilst successful forms a large part of my life.I have payed for sex before as I didn't want to be in a relationship and at various points wanted to be with a woman rather than have to relieve myself through masterbation (whilst some people may think this is crude...I have a high level of self control to a point where I have walked away many times from situations where I could have had sex with a woman because although paying for sex is just as bad but I don't do it anymore. The one night stand concept in the club, seems to focus on the mating ritual which unless I really want to be with a woman I do not want to enter.Therefore going back to my relationship after some time I let my girlfriend live with me and I slowly took on a role of provider and paid for everything. She actually had a very bad start in Life I learned and had been kicked out of home at 14year old. Her Mother was from Hell and my girlfriend sadly got involved with the wrong people being exceptionally and I mean exceptionally pretty she has always had a lot of attraction discusting as it is I think perhaps their might have been attraction from her Uncle..who once quizzed her whilst she was drunk about what she does with the men she was escorting with (yes they know about that). So anyway she had a pretty low self esteem and actually used prostitution to make money for herself as oppposed to being with a very wealthy guy three times her age almost who she didn't love.We had almost three years where I paid for everything holidays to dubai, seychelles shopping trips, nice food etc etc I always with my former girlfriends shared everything and as I am a very loyal man I treated her like she was family, my wife, my lover, my girlfriend. She had never been faithful in her life and she said to me that this was the first time that she ever wanted to be faithful. I also took her to get an Aids test which was very tramatic for her I also had one. She was always worried that she might have aids as she was very very uncareful and avoided the idea of these tests. I had always been careful and as I mentioned never slept around but I did have during our relationship after about 3 months unprotected sex with her and I too was concerned when I learned about her past. Thank God the test was Negative and we had no other STD's etc. So life was good generally I had to do a lot of work to get rid of girls that she hung around who was still escorts and constantly tried to get her to join them on 'jobs' which use to infuriate me (I thought I have to get her to meet good people) rather than this people that want to drag her down. I put such a great deal of energy to try to make her and probably those are the words of my down fall 'make her' I know that you cannot make anyone do anything they don't want to so I always like to hold my emotions and just allow the person to be who they want to be...this actually had a great effect on her as she always felt trapped and felt a need to seek other relationships...with me I gave her support, love, and freedom unconditional love to the best of my ability. I am an educated man, I have the most amazing mother who allowed me to grow with a very emphatic heart, to be able to give, to not be jealous, and believe that if you work hard you can achieve for yourself. As we started to approach 3 year I knew that I needed to move away from my girlfriend to help her grow in herself I knew that she had a very strong co-dependant style personality which whilst she was rehabilating was ok as I was alway at home working but then to be a real relationship I knew she had to find a job and a passion herself. I went through a bit of a bad patch with the business and her request got a bit tiresome and I started montioning towards her getting a job. I started to lose respect for her, as I felt that rather than seeing me as a supportive male partner she was being lazy, yes i spoiled her, but she also was never use to working for £5 per hour etc. She has no real education so she was a bit stuck. I thought she would really be best with a wealthy guy like really wealthy that could give her all the trapping rather then a relatively nice life with me. We split up she went to her mothers (things had improved with them as my girlfriend learned to forgive through me). I stayed at the house....shortly she started to go back to old friends one thing after time lead to another and soon she was telling me that she loves me but she needs to support herself and wanted to go back to escorting just for the record she was rated at £500 per hour. Obviously this was a big shock, she was completely upfront about everything. As we had separated but not quite finished the relationship I took out my emotions and said that she needed to do what she thinks is best. I was very sad and broken hearted but I didn't and couldn't just let her be a kept Woman...she needed to support herself and not to be reliant on the man in her life...Sadly rather than take up hairdressing again she was a hairdresser once she went into escorting again. She said that I am the only person she ever really loved and although I have had very tearful nights and pain in my heart so unbelivably strong I thought I would die. I worked through all my pains, i didn't look to fall into some elses arms or start drinking or drugs etc. I just took the pain of loving this young woman I nutured. I decided that I would look for another woman should an option come available with a better unbringing, morals and education...the trouble is I still love my ex-girlfriend. We stopped having sex a long time ago now probably Nov last year and I have never wanted to have sex with her although she does with me as I feel that I would lose my credibility and self- respect to be with her whilst she earns this immoral money well actually it isnt immoral she is single we are not together although it is exceptionally painful to accept as the nerves are still very raw. I took the high road and did the right thing spliting I am just wondering if Men out there or Women who haven't escorted or are escorts believe that if you feel that you have the love of your life if I should stick around but just not have sex as I am or if I should not see her again unless or until she finishes for good or do you think like what i think that the fundermental part of a the trust love and bond between two people is tarnished and the extreme liberal concept of a sex worker having a relationship whilst still working is no grounds for a future.I am very confused about this, strangely she seems to be able to live with the arrangement quite well, I find that it breaks ever code I have ever had stored in my brain. I haven't seen her since she told me she has started again and says that Woman can switch off and become someone else....Do you think that I am too strict in my ways or has something broken in my world that I now see monagamy as just a concept of the mind that needs to be breeched as it is pointless...also what future later when say one of us had an affair I could simply blame her and say it was ok for her and she could say he was a client also the fear and respect of being loyal would not be an issue anymore as I would have gone back to her meaning I accept this situation. I told her that she broke something by doing this that I am not sure can be fixed its not a one night stand its a lifestyle choice however short I need to understand from anyone's point of view if we could ever have a future I truly believe she loves me and I do truly love her...if we are supposed to forgive and give unconditionally love is that not what I am expressing or am I just being stupid and need to get another new partner.. Sorry if I have been long winded I have tried to give a full fair account to both of us....
View related questions:
affair, aids , drugs, drunk, escort, ex girlfriend, her past, jealous, money, my ex, one night stand, self esteem, split up, std, trapped, unprotected sex Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 I find your story full of hypocrisy.
You say that you believe in commitment and such, yet you also admit to paying for sex yourself.
The way you actually are, and the way you see yourself are in conflict and it is for that reason you do not know the answer for yourself.
If you are against the idea of dating a prostitute, break it off. If you pay for sex, and you want to be with her regardless, then be with her.
This is about how you are about to think about yourself. Eliminate your own hypocrisy, and you will find your answer.
-Frank B Kermit
A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Amazing story….
Well to answer one of your questions it is possible to have a relationship with someone who is in the sex business. There are many porn stars that are married, and happily so as I have heard in some cases. For these women sex is separated from love, and they can still maintain a good relationship with their husbands and boyfriends. But it takes a guy with a pretty tough heart to be able to accept his wife having sex with other men even if only as a business transaction. The truth of the matter is, as you know, sex isn’t just a business transaction. It’s the business of having the most intimate pleasure two people can have. To have to stomach your girl having sex with other men even if she isn’t enjoying it has got to be hard.
I personally have dated women who stripped for a living and although I know that’s a far cry from escorts or porn stars, I know where you are coming from. I allowed the women to have their space and do what they had to do for a living. A girlfriend of mine just did it to get her through school and now she works as an ex-ray technician and she had never turned back to that life. But the thing is she never regretted it because it helped her open doors of success for her.
If you continue your relationship with your girlfriend, try to help her to get into a school and get herself a career. She can’t do this forever! If nothing else it will screw with her sanity. It’s a good thing you have been there for her, because she can understand that love is possible, and you give her hope and support. You should still be there for her if only as a shoulder for her.
But truthfully, if you do love her accept her for what she is, what she does. Don’t let her situation affect your intimacy with her. Keep having sex with her. Make love to her. Love is not what she gets from these other men. But love is what you have for her. That love makes the sex you have with her all the more special. It appears that she really loves you in return and needs you. Someday this escort job will be all over for her, and you will be the last man standing for her. That’s what you want isn’t it?
In the meantime always do the best to improve your own career goals and move up on your own. Someday you might be able to support her so she can leave that life again. Don’t just give in to this thought of her getting herself a rich old man. You’re the man in her life, BE the man in her life!
Good luck whatever you do.
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