A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is for women to answer, since men can't know the answer, unless they got it from a woman already.A woman who used to be a prostitute (so I figure she was low self esteem), told me all men who pay for dates are paying for sex/relationship (She absolutely could not see it any other way. She basically said it is women taking advantage of men and that it is rare to find a woman who believes in equality in this matter. 'You want it more, you pay for it'. 'More the better'. 'How much can I get?'). So in the minds of low self esteem women, a man paying for dates is paying for sex/relationship... In the minds of *high self esteem women, what is the man doing when he pays for dates, and what do they feel when he decides the bill will be shared?In its most fundamental form, is this whole issue simply all about (passively) resisting? Females of most mammal species resist males' attempts at mating.*By high self esteem (from early childhood) I don't mean having a big ego/narcissistic. Ego confidence - means your confidence is based on what others think of youHigh self esteem - means your confidence comes from what you think of yourself
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confidence, prostitute, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 The man pays for the date, the women pays for the clothes and make-up. The price difference might surprise you. A high quality suit IS expensive, but it LASTS for YEARS and can be worn for more then just a date. How many men get a haircut that costs more then 10-20 euro?
Often the woman is younger, meaning a lower income. Women also tend to be employed in low paying professions.
On the whole, the cost of a date in my mind is fairly balanced.
and frankly, this is 2009, women do ask guys out. Does that mean I got to perform just because she paid for my food? Damn it, I am a man! I will not be paid for sex. You get it free or not at all! (Actually, I tried to exchange sex for food. I got a kitten treat)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): If I thought that every time someone paid for a meal, I'd have to have sex with them, I'd never eat again. My friends and I take turns buying each other lunch or dinner and I never think of it as anything other than a nice gesture. If a man asks me out for dinner, I let him pay and thank him for it, that's all. Call that high self-esteem if you like.
I feel sorry for your friend that she feels she has to have sex with a man if he buys her dinner, she must have a rough life :(
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 Does this mean when my girlfriend treats for lunch, she's paying for my friendship? Or is she expecting *gasp* sex later on?Seriously, if a guy I dated had ever implied or suggested that because he was paying for the date, I was expected to 'put out', that would have been the very last time I saw him. I don't know any prostitutes, and have never had a conversation with one, so I have no idea what rationale they have for what they do. I suppose they are doing what they can to muddle through life, and keep in mind it's called the world's oldest profession for a reason.I suppose there are some people who can reduce any form of human interaction to some form of currency. You're with people for what they can give you or you can give them, for a return. There's always some angle or negotiation or side agenda. I'm not a huge fan of that kind of person, but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do to get yourself through the world. I just think it's a pretty tacky philosophy.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (31 October 2009):
 From the other side of the couch. Traditionally a man pays for the date as a proof of his ability as a provider. How much a woman takes advantage of his money is a sign of her responsibility. Of course "Traditionally" sex was for later on in the relationship.
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): Paying is 'this' for 'that'. An economic exchange. Low self esteem women wonder how much 'worth' they have according to others.
Paying for a date is not 'this' for 'that'. It's the man giving evidence (can't call it proof) that she is special to him, and perhaps leading the woman to conclude, 'yes, his feelings are genuine'.
Yes, women passively resist by not paying.
That's the kind of clarity I need.
Thank you :)
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A
male
reader, Markingbad  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 I aint a woman but i can tell you one flaw in your question. If i ask a woman out for say "a meal". I would expect it to be my treat so i would expect to pay. If she wanted to go dutch or pay for it all herself I would have no problems with that.
Whowever paid. I would allways be hoping to seduce her because i wouldnt have asked her out on a date if i didnt fancy her. I wouldnt be expecting anything at all. But any man who says he isnt hoping is a liar.
Going with a pro would be a business transaction. (i dont go with whores BTW). I would expect sex. That wouldnt be a date anyway.
There is some truth in the saying "men allways pay for it". But to compare the average woman to a prostitute is like calling all men sexual deviants. Its just silly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): Are you trying to work on a Thesis for your Masters in Psychology or what is this really?
I am so tired of this argument I could puke, so I won't even put any more of my brain power into explaining to you the difference between how prostitutes think and the rest of females in the USA anyway. It might have something to do with their lack of conscience and sociopathic tendencies that they think that way about "dating".
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