A
female
age
30-35,
*oGreen126
writes:Dear Aunties,I have recently broken-off a two-year relationship, so I'm in no hurry to get involved with a new guy.That being said, I have started to wonder if an ex is considering trying it again with me. I'd be all for it if it's not too soon. My biggest fear though, is that the sexual tension that used to be between us isn't there anymore. Does that mean we won't have the exceptional chemistry we had way back when?If so, how can we get it back? We have all the time in the world to get it right, so time isn't a factor.Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (4 July 2011):
 Relationships are often rekindled after a break. Some reunions work, some get even better. Occasionally a reunion ends in the second break feeling even worse. It does not have to be like that. It takes a lot of work and commitment to reconnect successfullt.
Knowledge, understanding and empathy are the keys.
Your ex became the ex for a reason. That is one key. If you know why it broke up before you can start working on it now. Then if you do reconnect try to work out together what issues you both need to address, together.
If the chemistry waned before, were you overwhelmed with situations that could flare up again?
Or are there any unresolved issues? Could you put better supports in place in the future so that you could minimise these issues flaring again?
That said, the start of a relationship, when all is new, does change in subtle ways over time. The first month, or the first year can be very different to the next five years or more. You know each other better. You anticipate better. Sometimes even accomodate each other's idiocyncrasies. The respect and love should grow into a very trusting at peace, if all goes well. You are very at peace and comfortable together. You accurately anticipate each other, with just a look, or eyes meeting. To me that's a very special chemistry, more reliable than a bells and whistle's fire works display.
Occasionally the butterflies in the tummy, knowing you are seeing him in 30 minutes, may give way to a more relaxed easy peace between the two of you.
Make sure he is offering what you need for long term happinesss. A permanent respectful relationship. Don't allow it to be a FWB.
If it is meant to be it will happen. If he shows interest, then ask him for what you need from him.
Best of luck with this, and I hope it works out.
Abella
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