A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:If someone cheats on you when they are drunk does that mean its done intentionally? My boyfriend has cheated on me when he's drunk, but when he's sober he would never......what does this mean? Can people that have cheated change as well once they have realized their mistakes??
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cheated on me, drunk Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (15 May 2008):
 Hi,
oh dear, I cant believe you fell for that lame arse excuse. He must think he's got it made, i bet he brags to his mates that he can get any piece of arse he wants and still go home to the girl who will believe his bullshit. Guys like this are a dime a dozen, I'm a guy and i've heard this story over drinks with the lads after work many a time.
What a rat your boyfriend is, he will only continue to cheat on you because he is weak and he drinks and he cant help himself - yeah right, what a pathetic man. why do you want to put yourself through this?
Dump him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): If I steal a TV from a shop window, then it's my fault and I go to jail. The judge doesn't ask me about whether it was "intentional" or not. The courts won't excuse me because I tell them "I would never normally want a TV like that, but the desire just came over me that night when I was drunk."The legal system doesn't have rehabilitation programs to help me stay happier with my current TV set. They don't expect to prevent me from stealing by keeping me from ever WANTING anything else I can't pay for. The laws just say I'm in trouble if I steal it. Intentions, wants, urges, drunkenness . . . makes no difference. Either I do the right thing or I do not. How I justify things in my mind doesn't matter. The legal system doesn't even care if I feel powerful urges wanting that TV every minute of every day. They don't care if I have that desire, get drunk, and then go stand in front of the TV shop window. Nothing is a problem as long as I don't take the TV set. It IS a problem as soon as I do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): When someone cheats they always have someone or thing to blame.
Common replies are
it just happened
I wasn't myself
I was drunk
You wasn't paying me enough attention.
Its always a case of passing the buck. Don't have any of it.
Dump him, and dump anyone else that treats you this way.
Eventually you will find a good one and still maintain your self respect.
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A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Think about if a guy uses violence on you when he was drunk. But when sober, he is a darling. Would that excuse him? H.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your replies, I really appriciate it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): My mum told me something once when I was young and it really sank in:
Being drunk doesn't make you change your mind. It only uninhibits you, which means: He wants to have sex with that other person, regardless.
And if he was REALLY THAT DRUNK that he could not control his actions, he would also not be able to get an erection.
Being drunk is not a way to get around cheating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Hunni, just because he was drunk doesn't excuse him from cheating. If he was really into you, he'd be able to control himself no matter what. He might just be using that as an excuse.
I don't mean he was just saying he was drunk, but probably hoping you'd forgive him because he wasn't sober and didn't realize what he was doing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): It means he cheated drunk or sober there is no excuse he cheated. Blaming a bottle of beer and getting that to take the rap is very convienient.
Yes you will change him by dumping him, someone else will benefit.
He will not change for you, because with you he will not receive the necessary punishment to change him.
By that i mean by carrying on with you he doesn't get that shock that a good dumping gives you, to make you rethink, to make you change.
Sorry thats the way things go.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, rproctor +, writes (14 May 2008):
Drunk or not there is not reason to justify such sleazy actions. If I were you, I would get rid of him regardless if he would cheat on you sober or not. Even if he stops drinking, what about other outlets? Like, for example here, if someone in his family died and he was depressed, confused, whatever... There is still that chance. I wouldnt take it.
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