A
male
age
18-21,
Andy00
writes:Hi,I'm considering giving my ex a text message to ask how she's doing. Earlier in the week she text me after we hadn't spoken for a little while to ask if we could have a chat. During the conversation she revealed that an uncle of hers had died. Some time later I decided to tell her that I was considering cutting contact with her, because any time we get in contact, I think about her non-stop and want to have her back, which is something that probably won't happen. It would mean that I could move on from her after she broke up with me 8 months ago.In any case, we talked it out for a bit, then I decided I just couldn't be her friend. After that, she got very upset and started to talk about how she's lost so much. Her Dad died not long before christmas, now her uncle has died. She stopped our long distance relationship (2 years) to pursue university, now she isn't sure she is right for University. All the recent events have made her lose her motivation. And lastly, if I decide to stay away, it means that she has lost someone who "she can talk to about anything" (She says she doesn't have many of those left).If I walk away to heal my heart, it would be like tossing her aside at a time where she needs the comfort. That said, she broke up with me. If she didn't want to risk losing contact with me, then maybe she shouldn't have broken my heart.I know what I should do; I should stop contact with her, so I can then focus on moving on without having her remind me I've what I've lost. But I think I'd feel so, so guilty. Maybe I shouldn't, but I think I would. Anybody have any ideas as to what I should do? Should i focus on healing myself, and abandon her? Or should I do what I'm considering?Thanks.
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broke up, christmas, long distance, move on, my ex, text, university Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 She is cold and calculating.When she finds that you are no more beneficial , you will get your fragile heart broken again.
She will have no qualms about doing it again to you. When she is down , she only has to think of you , since she has no other guy and then you will run back to her....
This is a grave mistake. The choice is yours.
A
female
reader, baby duck  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 I don't think she's trying to use you, but I do think she's being selfish. Yes, she has painful losses. Yes, she can relate to you in such a way that comforts her. The price is: your heart.
Either you sacrifice your heart or you feel guilt. You will feel guilt because someone needs you and you are saying no. But think about why you are saying no ... it's not to be cruel ... it's to protect yourself. Isn't the guilt inappropriate? You should feel guilty if you intentionally hurt someone. You should not feel guilty for protecting yourself.
In this situation, it does not sound like there can be a compromise.
There are times it is appropriate to put someone else's needs above our own. For example: for our children or, sometimes, someone else's children ... for gravely ill or dying people (and even then, it's only sometimes). Of course, there are other situations but from the information that you've shared, this does not sound like one of those times.
It's not your fault, nor hers, that she no longer wants a relationship with you. But the fact remains: she does not. It is not your fault, nor hers, that any platonic communication makes you pine for her. But the fact remains: it does.
You know what to do. It's going to hurt either way. You must protect yourself.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (2 March 2008):
Steel your heart and walk away. She could be using you only .
Don't listen to all those sob stories.
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