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If he can’t make time for me, is there any point in this relationship?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2018) 3 Answers - (Newest, 16 August 2018)
A female Australia age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have been in a relationship with a man for 3 months now. He has a child from a previous relationship who is 1year old. He has the child most of the weekend and works all week, as do I. We have very little time to spend with one another and I don’t feel he makes it a priority to see me at all. We have very little communication during the week. A few texts each night and if we are lucky we get to spend a few hours together at the weekend. I explained to him that I felt he didn’t have the time for a relationship and he assured me that he would make the effort to see me during the week. We live around 50 mins apart and he is up very early for work as he works as a delivery driver. He has yet to see me during the week and most of the time we do see each other is when I visit him. He lives with his parents whereas I live alone so it would make more sense for him to visit me as we don’t get much privacy at his parents house. I don’t know if this is worth persuing or how to bring it up again that I really don’t think our lives are compatible. I know he has a lot going on but If he can’t make time for me, is there any point in this relationship?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (16 August 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntI agree that he should put his son first, so if his weekends are tied up with that then that is something you need to accept.

However he has entered in to a relationship with you so he should be making some effort. If he simply does not give you any off his time then I am not sure how this is going to work. It shouldn't be this difficult after three months.

It is clear that you want more and he simply is happy with a few texts a night and a few hours a week. So yes use want different things.

At least you communicated how you felt. That was the first step. He made some promises and he has yet to visit you at least once during the week, so that tells me he is not going to change and make the effort, he is simply telling you what you want to hear.

You seem to be doing all the work going to him, which is unfair. It should be split even if this is going to work. I get he has a young child but it was his choice to enter in to a relationship. Why should you do all the visiting?

Off course it would make more sense him coming to you, its a new relationship and privacy and time alone is really important as well.

Honestly I don't see that there is much point bringing it up again, I don't see him changing any time soon. He seems to be happy with the pace and you doing most of the work.

You said it yourself you are not compatible at the moment in each others lives. It is hard doing an almost two hour round trip when you both work and he has his son at the weekends.

Honestly I don't see the point in continuing the relationship from this point. I think you should end it before you get hurt more.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 August 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntThere are only 24 hours in each day and 7 days in each week. If his hours and days are already very busy, due to work and childcare commitments, then no, he simply DOESN'T have time for a relationship. Add into this the fact he needs to be up early (having had sufficient sleep to not make him a danger on the roads) and you need to add in a couple of hours for travelling each time you meet, then, with the best will in the world, this really is going to be a struggle.

In your shoes I remove myself from this situation quickly and cleanly, before any more feelings get involved, and move on with someone who has time for you. The guy is probably great but a relationship cannot grow or survive without investment from both parties. He simply does not have enough time to do a relationship justice at the moment.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 August 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI think you already know this is not what you want.

1. he lives with his parents.

2. he doesn't seem to make time for you.

3. you are not really a priority.

4. you don't really think your lives are compatible...

I would just tell him that you wish him well, but you just don't see a future here. And then you BLOCK and move on.

You don't OWE him a long explanation. It's only been 3 months and it's just not working out for you. You want something else. Nothing wrong in that. Just tell him, the sooner you do, the sooner you can BOTH move forward.

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