A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend informed me a couple days ago that his mother is planning on giving me a basket for Easter. This will be the first time in ages since I got anything for Easter. My boyfriend doesn't get along with parents, especially his dad. Anyway, I mentioned that I wanted to return the favor and get them something, but he insisted that I shouldn't, like always. Same happened when they invited me over for Christmas dinner and he told me that I'd be the only one giving them anything and they don't want anything. I guess no one really returns the favor usually because they are high class. I'm someone who likes to do little nice things for people, especially when they go out of their way for me. I don't want to ignore his feelings even though he is purposely preventing me from standing out to his parents. I don't want to keep receiving things and feeling bad and awkward to do things for them, or listen to him and pretend they don't exist.By the way, they only know about me because I told him that it was important that they did since we've been together for almost two years. And he did tell me that he doesn't want them to know how nice I am because then they will keep wanting to include me in things, etc.So. what do you think about this? What would you do?And keep in mind, he isn't a bad guy even though he may sound insensitive to some of you. He has his reasons.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 March 2013):
 It’s not high class to not return the favor… NOT at all. IN my family, kids do not gift parents. WE never have. It’s weird but I think it’s more about my religion being more kid oriented for gifts.. for example my dad will gift me for my birthday but gets mad if I gift him.
“And he did tell me that he doesn't want them to know how nice I am because then they will keep wanting to include me in things, etc.” Why is wanting to include your son’s girlfriend in things a bad thing?
I agree there is something going on with his folks that he’s not talking about… most kids are close to their parents or they are estranged with reasons.
I too would bring a gift. I love the idea of an easter plant or something springy. IF your boyfriend does not wish to gift his parents that’s his choice but he can’t control you and you have manners because it’s never nice to show up empty handed as a guest.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (22 March 2013):
 i would be really uncomfortable receiving gifts if i couldn't give anything back ever.
could you at least send them a thank you card? would he be mad about that, for whatever reason?
i am like you, i wouldn't be okay with this arrangement of not being allowed to reciprocate. but if he's really got his reasons, perhaps you should just be respectful.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 March 2013):
 I'm sure there's a story here, because trying to maintain that much separation from parents seems very odd. He doesn't want them to include you in things??
Your instincts are, I think, right on. It's always appropriate to recognize kind gestures such as an Easter basket. A small box of chocolates, a modest bouquet of flowers, or a bottle of wine you know they like -- all are affordable ways of not showing up empty handed while demonstrating good manners. Don't know what "high class" has to do with it -- if anything, "high class" people would be more likely to appreciate (or even expect) such a gesture.
Your question shows you're a thoughtful person whose parents taught you some solid values. If your boyfriend is giving you grief, you might want to consider if that's some kind of flag.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 March 2013):
 Maybe send them/or bring some flowers? Tulips perhaps? They kind of say Spring, big time :)
I think that would be a nice gesture on your behalf.
YES, you don't HAVE to do but I think it's rather nice and respectful if you do.
Why doesn't he want you to be included? Because that means HE has to go too or because he doesn't want you around them (because HE doesn't get along with them?)
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