A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl a few months back and I have always felt a deep admiration for and care for her more than anyone. I consider her my best friend although I'm aware she has a lot of great friends and unfortunately I would not appear at the very top of her list like she does mine. I would kill to be with her but she isn't attracted to me. On top of this we are a few hours drive away from each other at the moment so she would have to like me as much as I like her if it would ever work. Needless to say imagining the two of us together is just a pipe dream. I want to continue to see her and try and change her mind by being around her but am scared that I would only be setting myself up for a bigger fall, besides I don't think she is even after a boyfriend as she seems to enjoy being single and flirting with guys in clubs. I have noticed I become incredibly jealous and upset if ever I see another guy chat her up or kiss her and can do nothing but leave immediately. Sooner or later she's going to get a boyfriend and I can't begin to imagine how mortified I would be. Another option is to avoid her completely and destroy our friendship. She would be concerned as to why I'm not speaking to her and would no doubt try to contact me (which would only make it harder) and I would lose my best friend in the process, a thought hard to bare as best friends don't come around everyday. To make matters worse I know a lot of the same people as her so avoiding her for as long as it's going to take is going to be a big challenge for me. On top of all that I am in a new situation and being all depressed around new people I need to try and make friends with isn't an ideal situation. Thinking of what might have been may be just as bad as seeing her with someone else. At the moment I'm still talking to her, waiting and hoping for a miracle. The anxiety is killing me.Which route would you take? They both look just as bad to me.
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best friend, depressed, flirt, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jairzinho  +, writes (24 October 2008):
Forget about trying to get her attracted to you. Attraction isn't a rational choice, and if she's not feeling it, there isn't anything you can do at this point.
Accordingly, as far as having a romantic partner in your life is concerned, forget about her and move on. It sounds like you've got a bad case of "one-itis", which is never a good thing. I feel your pain.
Further, as far as being friends, that isn't a very good idea either. The reason is that just about any romantic prospect you may find in the future is much more likely than not to get the wrong idea about your longtime 'friend'.
OTOH, if you like the feeling of unrequited love (most of us have agonized over it at one point or another) than keep doing what you've been doing. But I get the sense that you're agonized by it too, which is normal.
So, my advice is to get on with your life already. Which means find another girl and forget about this one. Be cordial but explain why it is that you have to move on.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 October 2008):
If you can't tell her then email her.
You can't just make up some reason to stop talking to her as it will make her feel like she's done something wrong and she will try even harder to get back in touch.
Could you tell a friend and then get them to tell her?
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe problem with telling her is that I would be incredibly embarrassed. I wouldn't be able to tell her. Maybe if I came up with another reason to ignore her for a while? I just can't think of one.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 October 2008):
If you really think she only sees you as a friend then I think you need to back off and stay away from her for your own mental health.
But before you do that you need to tell her why you are backing off or as you say, she will be upset and call you wanting to know why.
Tell her that you have developed feeling for her. If she tells you she doesn't see you that way then tell her you have to try and get over her and cut contact for a while.
You don't have to avoid her at all times, just try and get over her in the best way you can and go out with your friends to cheer yourself up.
Good Luck!! xx
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