| A
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Even though I have had relationships in the past, latelyI think sometimes that I am only good for sex and I guess it's because of the guys I meet. I am attractive and whenever I talk to them they just see my body and not my personality so I play along and answer their questions. Some of them can be explicit and I don't know any other way to get them to like me or respect me. I have also gained some weight so they won't be attracted to me anymore. It's not a lot of weight and it's actually just my abs. In my recent photos I look like I am pregnant. They still hit on me and I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dougbcoll  +, writes (25 September 2013):
 "i think sometimes i am only good for sex, and i guess its because of the guys i meet." that is a starting point, where you are meeting the type of guys that you are ending up with. this may and will determine the type of guys you are ending up with. you cant get a steak at a burger joint.
with these guys the bottom line comes down to you. if you are giving in to them easily they will take you for just sex, and move own to the next girl that comes along.
you have control and are responsible for your actions and how you present yourself.
if a woman is giving in to sex with strange guys they meet that is what they will get.
" i don't know any other way to get them to like me or respect me." it comes down to do you want love or lust. do you want someone to love you , know you inside and out, and care for you, and be there for you. or do you want, someone to use you for self gratification, then move on to the next girl.
comes down to where you are meeting these guys, if you feel desprite guys can pickup on it. the way you maybe acting in front of guys, the way you maybe dressing, and if you are giving in to sex (being easy). if so guys will not take that girl as marriage material.
you want a guy to like you and respect you , don't give into sex. have self respect- play hard to get (don't give in to these guys). dress modest not over the top sexually, look for a quality type of guy, not one that is looking for self interest.
look for a guy that has good character. one that cares,gives, shares, thinks more of you and other people than him self. look for the way he treats you, and others around him.
stay away from guys that are interested in self, talk about self, live for self. that are pushy for sex, treat other people around them not with love or kindness.look at the guys character good, or bad. don't rush things. i hope this helps.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 September 2013):
 Well for ONE stop “playing along” IF you DEMAND respect with your behavior and your actions you will COMMAND respect from them.
IF a man I did not know well came up to me and was being sexually explicit, the withering looks he would get from me would silence him FAST.
The way to GET respect is to DEMAND it. NOT with words but rather with actions.
MEN don’t like SKINNY girls so gaining weight just makes it more enticing for them.
My advice:
1. Dress like you are 41-50 not 20-30. This means NO Short skirts… NO CFM shoes (except for dressing up and going out when you WANT that kind of attention) NO low cut cleavage shirts (wear them but put a nude or color coordinated cami under them) NO camel toe. Do not wear clothes that do not fit. DRESS to impress THE POPE not the men you seek.
2. Go to a classy salon for a midlife makeover… get your hair done appropriately and stylishly for a woman of a certain age… have your make up updated to reflect your age and values.
3. VALUE yourself. When a man says something sexually explicit or over the top look at him with THAT look that says “HOW RUDE” and change the topic. IF he takes it back over and over to sex then you say “I’m sorry this conversation is NOT to my liking, lovely meeting you” and WALK AWAY.
4. LIVE for yourself. Enjoy your life, do you work out… if not find an activity that you like and do it… FOR YOURSELF… I am hooked on yoga for my activity and it keeps me happy and healthy and supple.
They will treat you as you demand they treat you. This is not about words but rather how you carry yourself and how you present yourself.
I know this because there are days I garner way more attention than others. It really depends on what I'm wearing. Because for me, what i wear influences how I act.
Jeans and a shirt have a very different behavior than a skirt with boots...
...............................
A
male
reader, Boost  +, writes (24 September 2013):
I think you've partly answered your question yourself. You said you answer their explicit questions and that it's because of the guys you meet. I guess what you could do is change the type of guys you meet and ignore the explicit questions
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2013): Dress and act like a respectable women. Stop "playing" along and politely tell them that what they are saying is not appropriate and perhaps start spending some time at places that men have filters and are a lot more respectful. Engage men in some intellectual conversation instead of teenager cat and mouse sex pick up games...no intelligence in the crowd? You need to go elsewhere.
If you are putting yourself out there like you are looking for sex, then that's what you are going to get. Take a hard look at the vibes you are sending out.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 September 2013):
 First of all WHERE do you meet all these men?
Are you on dating sites? Do you meet them in bars, parties? Where?
It might have to do with where you look. And how you present yourself and thirdly, what you allow. Maybe even with the guys you are looking at/for.
If a guy starts to talk explicit and you don't know the guy or DO NOT want to have that conversation YET (if ever), then stop talking to them. I'm guessing that you are on dating sites? A man won't "like" you or "want to know you" better if you talk "sexy" back. He will run a mile with it - specially if he is not after a relationship, but only after sex.
It might mean that IF they steer the conversation over towards sex and you don't really KNOW the guy, he goes into the "nope" pile. If you ONLY seem to get guys like that (if it's on a dating site), then either a. the site is crap or b. time to get off dating sites.
Maybe take a class, pick a hobby, find a hiking group or group of people with the same likes as you.
I can't imagine just how frustrating it must be to feel like people can't respect you. I wouldn't give up hope yet though, I seriously doubt every guy out there is only after sex.
You need to take charge in how you react to people talking "sexy" to you. IT IS OK to say, that is not a subject I wish to explore with a stranger. If they don't respect that, well then you KNOW they don't respect you. And you can stop wasting time on that guy.
...............................
A
male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (24 September 2013):
There can be various reasons why men keep hitting on you for what you call only sex. I can only say from my own experience that i believe that the way you dress and your demeanor could be a contributing factor.Various movies such as sex in the city, Tv shows portraying women as confident and doing what they want in regards to sex may of made a lot of men but not all believe that good looking women only need sex and know where to get it.This of course after reading various studies on the subject show that what media portrays as normal sexual lifestyles and practices in reality is not all true. I know that i am considered good looking and so is my girlfriend but i do not think in the four plus years that i have known her has she experienced people hitting on her. I would have to ask where you are being hit on? And do you work in a job that involves a lot of social interaction, ie a cruise coordinator or social conveyor. I am sorry i dont understand your logic in gaining weight to avoid being hit on. Really this can now be considered as sexual harassment.If your that attractive i believe that a lot of men would want more than just sex. You must be giving off some signals that show something different. Yes my girlfriend was and is extremely attractive but i assure you i wanted to take her home to meet mom and dad and meet all my friends. And she has. Are there men watching her and waiting to pounce when they have the chance? There would be but she doesn't flaunt her assets and she does dress modestly. She is engaging but not in a flirty way. And of course i am a tall well built man and never have while out in public together had men make gestures or cat calls while they were driving by in their cars.I really think you have to give more information mainly background. Thanks, Good-luck.
...............................
|
