A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I might not be doing myself a favor by dwelling on this, but dwell I will. My ex who I am still getting over, used to tell me out of all the girls (more than ten) he's ever been with, he only fell in love with two of them. He talked about them by name and I found them as his friends on a social networking site out of pure curiosity. They were both very beautiful. He always said personality was important and I noted some of his other crushes (we talked about everything) ran the gamut from hot hot to dumpy but quirky. I don't fall onto either side of this spectrum. If I'm maintaining my health (as I usually do), a few people will sometimes just come up to me and tell me I'm beautiful once in a while or try to get my number...but I've noticed most of the ones that do that are either crazy or on drugs. When I was a kid I was teased for my looks, but some guys had crushes on me too. However, my mind tends to dwell on the teasing instead.So onto my question. He fell in love with some beautiful ladies. He and I seemed to share the same aesthetic tastes (regarding men and women), so I can see why he could look at a face like one of these two women and be mesmerized. I was too, just looking at their faces. I'm guessing I'm more cute and not mesmerizing...anyways, that's my question. He wanted to love me and stay with me, but he didn't feel hardcore in love with me. For a while he kept saying he could fall in love with someone (me), if someone (me) told him they were in love with them, but it was too early for us and I never said it to him, ever. Maybe I was in love with him, but couldn't feel it...all I know is that I had alot of love for him...possibly more than I've ever had for anyone else I've been with, but it didn't feel like a chemical rush at first sight kind of thing. We had some major conflicts and I wonder had I been as beautiful as these chicks, would he have found extra crucial bit of motivation to try harder and/or would he have been more numbed to our problems? I wasn't attracted to his looks when we first met, but I immediately appreciated his personality, and then he became cuter to me. Most of my friends who met him told me he was very attractive. They saw it much quicker than me. Sometimes he seemed like he was in love with me, but not consistently and forever, like he has been with these two chicks. I often wonder if that tiny strand of beauty can push a guy over the edge into being full blown in love. As a female, I know what it's like to fall into love with someone I think is very attractive. Of course, they have to have a personality to back it up, but it's so much easier in a way to overlook some of the bad stuff in a person if they are highly attractive to me. Or did I fall in love with a nice personality first and then see the pretty face? I actually don't know! Would he have fallen completely in love with me if he had seen me as beautiful as these two other girls? I know this sounds ridiculous, but would that have been the salve to heal some of our problems? I'm hoping that for most people, that isn't the solution. I know someone who has potential to be beautiful can look so ugly when their personality sucks, but I still have to ask this superficial question.
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crush, drugs, fell in love, my ex, teasing Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): Man, he prolly woulda been more into if you had some more confidence.
Just like you were more into the dood after you got you know him, guys can be more into chicks after they get to know them.
The only chick I've been really stoked on wasn't the hottest chick I've ever dated, she was (or at least I thought she was) the coolest chick ever.
With that said I dated a chick that looked good until you her clothes off and well that was kinda a deal killer. Great personality or the girl has to hit a certain minimum.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 February 2010):
No, he wouldn't. If it didn't last between all those other women, it wouldn't have lasted between you two either. I think it's more likely he's a bit too superficial for his own good. Let's face it. If he really loved those other two girls, why didn't he stay with them. I have a feeling you're better off without him. Any decent guy will tell you it ultimately comes down to whether a woman has a good personality or not.
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