A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I feel like a total idiot after this, but I met this really nice guy a while ago, and seemed to sort of hit it off, I can actually say that I have small feelings for him. We decided to meet up. We were going to hang out earlier in the day, but ended up hanging out at night, also note that I'm the one who used the term "hang out", I don't know if it was a date.So, I go to meet him at a small place to eat, and when we got there he ordered a drink and an appetizer, I wasn't hungry at all. I was so nervous I couldn't stomach anything! Well, here's where it went bad. First of all, the waiter was rude. Then the waiter insulted the guy for not sharing the appetizer's, even though I told the waiter I wasn't ordering because I wasn't hungry. Then the guy said, "I'm kind of upset that you're not eating." I felt so bad! But I felt like if I ate, I'd throw up, honestly. That's how nervous I was.So, after we left, he just walked me to my car, gave me a weird hug, and left. I asked him to text me when he got home, and when he did, I apologized for not having an appetite, I explained that I was just so nervous around him. He said that he had a great time, and there'd be other opportunities. But today, I never heard from him. I know it's only been a day, but I'm going crazy here. I haven't had a crush like this in a long time. My friends said that if I don't hear from him tomorrow, I should text him that night.Did I ruin it?
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male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (5 May 2014):
 Okay so the date didn't go too well (to be honest sounds like some of my dates when I was younger) but dating when your young is all about gaining experience and confidence.Most of us have tales to tell of bad dates, embarrassing setbacks and making fools of ourselves. Its how we learn to grow into mature, experienced adults who can deal with dates and meeting new people. I think on this occasion you have probably missed your chance I'm afraid. He may of mistook your nervousness and lack of appetite as aloofness or disinterest. He may have been embarrassed that he sat there eating while you did not and felt awkward. A date that involves food is never much fun when only one of the two of you is eating. I appreciate that you were not able to eat but you do need to get on top of the nervous issues you have. He may have come away thinking you were, in the nicest possible sense, "hard work". You don't say how old you are but clearly you are between 18 and 21. You are at the age now, especially if your 20/21, where dates will be more likely to involve more formality, restaurants and waiter service than "hanging out". You need to gain experience at dating and move on from the "hanging out" phase, which Is a teenage thing mainly, and be able to go to restaurants and meet with men in a way which doesn't make you appear disinterested, way too nervous or, in the nicest possible way, simply out of your depth. I was the same in my early 20s. every date left me feeling such a fool....in restaurants I didn't know what to "do" if that makes sense. I would stand or sit there looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car. I would step on the feet of my date when trying to hug them at the end. I would knock drinks over with nerves or make a bad impression because of anxiety, inexperience and lack of confidence.Thankfully with experience comes knowledge. Like driving, the more you do it the easier it becomes. Remember how you would initially panic as you came to a busy intersection? As you gain experience you learn to take it in your stride. "I'm the one who used the term "hang out", I don't know if it was a date." In time, and with more experience, you will soon learn to tell if its a date or not before hand. Its important to know because if your not sure if its a date or not you wont know how to respond. A definite date at least lets you know the guy likes you so far. You can be sure of where you stand. But if your doing a daytime "hang out" then you wont know if this guy likes you as a friend or a potential partner which can lead to misinterpretations or embarrassing set backs. He may well get back in touch but let him come to you. Don't chase him. I agree with wise owl that a great guy would give you more time and stick with it, but if he felt the date was too one sided and awkward he may feel embarrassed too. If he thought the conversation was one sided, and that you didn't say very much as well as not eating then he may have decided not to pursue it. That is of course his choice. I have had a date with a woman who not only didn't eat, while I did, but didn't say much either. It didn't feel very nice as she just sat there watching me eat which made me so self conscious. Dot worry, plenty more fish and all of that. You are young and have plenty of time to meet someone. A date like this is good experience for the future.
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (5 May 2014):
Did you discuss the fact you were going to go for something to eat beforehand? If so then I can maybe see why he was confused that you decided not to eat when you got there, but for him to be 'upset' about it is a bit strong. If you're not hungry you're not hungry and that's that. In my opinion, the only person who did anything wrong was the waiter for being rude to your date, and that's not your fault at all. However, if I were you, I'd wait to see if he calls you again. If not and he's put off by the fact you didn't eat when he wanted you to - well, he sounds a bit petty and/or controlling and you're better off without him. All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): Maybe you messed up just a little. Everyone gets nervous. I wouldn't sweat it. I don't recommend calling him. I think you should let it blow over. If he happens to contact you on his own; then you know it wasn't a total bust. Sometimes you just have to save face when you blow the first date.
I think a guy truly interested would give it another try.
If he hasn't called back, it's likely he has lost interest anyway. Be that the case, he wasn't that into you.
If you call him, and you're as nervous as you were the night you "hung out;" I think at best it would be awkward for the both of you. Let him get back to you. If he doesn't; write if off. No need to try and fix it. If he gives up on you that easily; why bother?
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