A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:with my partner 12 years drifted after 5, found out sperm no use cant get pregnant. had 1 ivf cycle and failed now gutted. im 41 his 49 alcoholic. life feels endless now . dont no what to do . want to split up, i have no love for him he wont leave. im so sad lost depressed. what can i do.
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alcoholic, depressed, sperm, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): I would suggest his sperm count is low because of alcohol? You are wasting your life but you are not too old to have a wonderful relationship with someone new, and a child, but you need to act now and leave him. Make a plan, a good one that is achievable and get some support around you, build your confidence and I promise you that walking out that door will feel like the easiest thing you've ever done.
A
female
reader, puzzled  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 you seem upset, dont stay with some one that makes you feel that way, look in the papres for an apartment and mov out go out find a nice man who satisfys your needs as a woman, dont hold back nor look back at the past. everyone has a right to freedom and independce including you, your only young live life to the fullest.
hope i help. good luck in the future.
xxxx
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 August 2007):
 My advice to you if you're living together is first of all to find somewhere else to live. Let him know that although you're fond of him you're not in love with him and things aren't working out, you've given it 12 years and just find things are hopeless. Be prepared for him to say he'll change, give up the booze etc etc but tell him you hope he does but you've made up your mind and it's over, he's only pulling you down and making you unhappy.
Get a friend help you move to your new place then take things from there. Once you move, a whole new world will open up to you and you'll have that freedom and solace you seek. Remember, you are NOT responsible for this man. He is an adult and may hit the booze even harder but he is not your responsibility. You need to concentrate on YOU and take time out to decide what you want now. If you still feel depressed then try and go to the gym and exercise. Exercise causes an adrenalin rush to the brain and will make you feel good afterwards, you'll also meet new friends there (or take a girlfriend along with you and do it together). Keep thinking positively and day by day you'll feel stronger, fitter, healthier and more alive.
You are still young and have only lived half your life, you still have a lot of living to do and in time will meet someone else and may even have that child you so long for. Remember you have to close one door behind you before another one opens. Be firm, stand strong and I wish you all the very best. You CAN do this!
Eve
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Then you should look for an apartment and do the leaving. You sound very sad and life is too short to feel this sad. I can relate to your situation to some degree. Was with my husband 20 years, no kids. He had the sperm, but was completely unwilling to use it or to even talk about us ever starting a family. I was so scared of being alone, I stayed even though I stopped loving him at some point because the realtionship had no growth and we drifted apart over time. If wasn't until I met a wonderful man with children that I was able to find the strength to get out. He didn't accept it either and still thinks to this day that I'll return. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes. I wish you the best!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 August 2007):
 If he won't leave then you do it. You need to separate so you can get a handle on your life. Take the time to really think things through. What would you like to see happen in your future? Do you think you need to talk to someone about your depression? Perhaps a visit to your doctor would be a good idea. You need to take control, it will empower you. Keep us posted honey.
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