A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I have been talking to a girl on a penpal site and she seems really nice and I was considering after a bit more talking to ask about meeting up. The problem is, she says that people seem to just message her saying things about her being'hot' and 'would you go out with me' rubbish so I don't want to disillusion her into thinking everyone is the same. She has asked me for my skype address to chat more and we've been sending long messages to each other but it is a penpal site and not a dating site so I don't know if she is just wanting to be friendly....Is it the typical male in me just thinking that because a girl is talking to me that she may be interested? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, keepinghopealive  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 It sounds like to me that you are messaging this girl in hopes of getting a date with her
First off,if you want to try online dating that's the site you'll go on.
Second if you are wanting to meet new people for friendship,then you'll join a friendship site.
If that's not obvious in its own,then you should stop talking to if you are wanting to be with her,cause it sounds like she just wants friends and is hinting that to you without comming out in saying it. Or of you can handle just being friends for longer,wait it out but don't bring it up till the moment is right,I.e wait for her to tell you that,if she likes you more then a friend,she WILL tell you,trust me women who know what they want will definitely say so.
Good luck to you
A
female
reader, TamyKarcz  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 Hello there!
Well, i can only agree with the other agony aunts! She doesn't really seem that interested in finding a partner or anything of that nature. I bet she is seeking a good friend. And i also bet YOU could definitely be that good friend for her.
First and foremost, we all know that a good relationship is certainly based on friendship. So if you really like her and you think you want something serious from her, then i would suggest, becoming her friend and showing her that you're not a walking cliché and more so, showing her that you care about her feelings/thoughts/ideas... and not JUST about ONE thing! She would definitely appreciate it.
Good luck! ^_^
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 November 2011):
 I would plan casual outings and hang out together. No talk of relationship or sex.
Be her friend, that IS what she is looking for.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 If she complains about what "other men" do, then take that as a hint that she doesn't want you to do the same. Just continue casually talking to her and getting to know her. Let her invite you out if she's interested in more.
But like SoVeryConfused said, if you can keep it to a friendly meet-up for coffee and nothing else, no plans for future dating, no plans on flirting etc, then that should be ok. But definitely don't read too much into it, she just sounds like a nice girl who wants to make friends.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 November 2011):
 She may be interested in beiing friends... she's complaiing about men wanting to meet up for hooking up not having friendships/relationships.
The only way to know if she's interested in meeting and being friends IRL (and maybe MORE later on down the road) is to ask.
But i would clearly start out saying "let's meet for coffee" or something casual... just to talk face to face...
do not plan it as a date... do not discuss sex or relationships... keep it cool and easy and just friendly at first.
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