A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I really want to meet up with the guy who saved my life last year but he’s really reluctant and I don’t know why. Is he just shy? Most of all I just want to say thank you to him in person but I have to confess I do have more intentions as well, though he doesn’t know that. Really I can’t help but have feelings for him after what he did for me.Last year just before Christmas I was in a car crash on a motorway in England. And I still don’t remember a thing about it. I can’t even remember anything of the journey before the accident. I can only remember being at my friend’s house that day. The accident happened as I was driving back home. Apparently I was queuing to get on an exit slip road and was rear-ended by a lorry. My car was absolutely destroyed and I had actually died at the scene, heart stopped, not breathing, no pulse. The lorry driver was all over the place and in shock even though he was unhurt, so didn’t really do much to help but this guy, who wasn’t even involved in the crash pulled over and revived me using CPR. He stayed with me until the emergency services arrived before they took over. Even though I was alive I was still badly injured. I remember waking up in hospital just feeling numb from top to bottom. I had a broken arm, leg, wrist, ribs and a fractured spine amongst other cuts and bruises. Months and months of pain and rehab have followed, which was absolute hell but now almost a year later I can say I’m finally over the worst of it and back on my feet properly. I’m not quite 100% recovered but hopefully will be in the next couple of months. Thankfully as well the lorry driver, or at least the company he worked for admitted full liability for the accident so I should be getting a large compensation pay out in the next few months to make up for all these months of pain. So I have no worries on that front.I was told that I was so lucky that the guy was there to revive me as it took the emergency services nearly 30 minutes to get to the scene because traffic in the area was horrendous as it was. A doctor told me I’d probably never have woken up or been permanently brain damaged at best if I’d have been starved of oxygen for that long together with suffering from the trauma of the accident. I was so unbelievably grateful to this guy, but for months afterwards I didn’t even know his name. Annoyingly the police wouldn’t tell me either because they weren’t obliged to, so I put out an appeal on Social Media to try and find him and even though it was shared all over the place and even by the local newspaper he never came forward. It was only when a report into the accident was published in August, which I was legally entitled to a copy of that I finally found out his name…and address. He’s called Nick and lives about an hour’s drive away from me. Instead of just rocking up at his house I decided to write to him after trying and failing to identify him on Facebook. His last name is really common so it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack going through all the different profiles!So I wrote a letter just expressing my thanks to Nick for saving my life and amazingly he wrote back about a week later, though his response was very brief just saying he was glad I was getting better and completely ignored my idea of meeting up in person. He didn’t even give me a yes or a no. I wrote back again asking if we could meet up but didn’t get a response this time. As much as it seemed rude and a little bit weird I couldn’t help but feel intrigued by him. I even felt a bit guilty that this guy had stayed with me in the cold and rain and looked after me, almost like my guardian angel but I didn’t even know what he looked like! Then a few weeks ago I decided to search for him again on Facebook and came across a profile that I don’t know why but just gave me this feeling that it was him, especially when his location was the same area as his address. So I messaged him and it turned out it was! I’d finally found him and knew what he looked like. He even accepted my friend request. He is my age and a really good looking guy as well so is someone I’d go for as it is. Even though he’s been really nice and friendly he still hasn’t really shown much interest in meeting me in person. I’ve literally offered to take him out for lunch/dinner and pay (it’s the very least I could do!) but he’s said over and over that I don’t have to, or I get a ‘maybe’ or ‘I’ll let you know’ and then nothing back. My friends all assumed it was because he was married or had a girlfriend but his Facebook profile says he’s single. Even if he did have a partner though like I’ve said the main thing I want to do is just say thank you in person, his relationship status is irrelevant. More than anything he just comes across as really shy, even in the way he messages. I can’t help but think he’s just avoiding meeting up because of nerves. Part of me feels like just rocking up at his house but at the same time I’d never want to intrude on him like that. I know a lot of you would say to just leave it at that but I constantly think back to the realisation that I probably wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for Nick. I feel like I need to meet him face-to-face just to have closure on the whole thing. If he’s not interested romantically I know I can look past that as well because the feelings I have are pretty artificial and I’d probably get over them quite quickly. I’d love to know your thoughts on this.
View related questions:
christmas, facebook, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2021): Right at the end you hit the nail on the head, with acknowledging these feelings are pretty artificial - you're grateful and feel you owe your life to this person, because without their actions the alternative doesn't bear thinking about. I think it's viewing them as a hero that is making you idolise them. You've made truly a miracle recovery, it is amazing and I can understand wanting to meet first-hand the person who saved you.However, consider his point of view on the whole situation. We can assume he's just a regular guy (not medically trained or emergency services who are used to being on scenes of an accident). So he's just making his way home and he witnesses what would have been a horrific accident. The lorry driver is understandably in shock, and I've never heard of the person causing an RTA as being the one who can step up and administer first aid because they're struggling to proces the fact they've caused this. This man likely calls 999 whilst rushing to see what's happened to give them the details, and finds a woman who is dying before his eyes. This is something incredibly traumatic and the actions he took next you are well aware saved your life, but it would have been a harrowing experience not knowing where the ambulance is (30 minutes would've felt like hours) and the pressure is immense, its unimaginable, to maintain CPR for that long, knowing your life quite literally depended on it. That's a traumatic experience for someone.Writing to him was very kind, and he was polite to respond. He's probably accepted your fb request out of politeness but as someone else has suggested, this is bordering on making him feel a bit harassed. Had he wanted to meet in person he would've accepted your offer with enthusiasm. He may just want to move on, I imagine he genuinely feels really pleased you've made a full recovery but not want to be reminded of the events of that day because you also don't know what else he might have going on in his life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2021): It is obvious this is not just wanting to meet to say thank you. It would not be that important to you if it was. Others would send a big bouquet of flowers, hand made chocolates, expensive aftershave and other treats with a note and then move on. You have turned this into a fantasy of how it was meant to be and he is the one. He has every right to refuse to meet up with you and he does not need to explain it or justify it or ask permission not to. He already feels uncomfortable because you are trying to be pushy and demanding about this. If you are like this about saying thank you imagine how pushy and demanding you can come across about other things. It would not be long before whoever you are dating has had enough of it and ends it.There is something going on with you that you believe this knight in shining armour can fix for you. He has already helped you once, once is enough as far as he is concerned.For all you know he has a wife or girlfriend he is madly in love with - or he is gay and in a serious relationship with a guy, or he prefers to be totally single. None of this is your business. He is not obliged to meet you let alone date you. You need to move on and get a life and forget about it being with him. Come down to earth off of your fantasy cloud. You seem to forget that if you had met this guy through any normal means he would be entitled to be spoken for or think you are not his type. You seem to believe that because he saved your life it is different and you own him and he is obligated to you. And please stop spinning this line about you wanting to meet him for closure. Someone saves your life. End of. You don't need closure. You are looking to date him. Be honest about it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2021): It's wonderful and miraculous that you survived the accident. I think God Himself is due some thanks for your survival; and the fact a good Samaritan showed-up at just the right time was no coincidence. Have you thanked the Almighty as well?
It is evident the man is avoiding publicity and any notoriety for doing a great kindness. He is not interested in meeting you, and his hesitance should get the point across without having to yell it in your face.
Sometimes it is best to let people be; no matter how much we feel obligated to make some sort of gesture of thanks. You have thanked him, but he doesn't seem to want to met you. He met you at the scene of the accident, he was kind to administer CPR; and now you should respect his privacy, and consider your thanks properly received as it is.
Please don't cross the line by showing-up at his home uninvited and unannounced. You may force him into the position to be rude to you. It is intrusive to show-up at a stranger's home unannounced and uninvited. Accepting a friend request on Facebook is not an invitation to someone's private residence. He has the right to either offer you an invitation, or decline meeting you. I think he is politely declining to meet you; and then you're make it just a little weird by having other intentions. You've never officially met him, and don't know him. He may sense that you're going too much out of your way to meet him.
He wants to maintain his privacy; so please respect that.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (11 November 2021):
 You are in danger of becoming a stalker. This man saved your life, politely declined your offer to meet and yet you continue to pursue him. If it was the other way round, and it was a female being pursued, people would be telling the guy to back off. As far as I am concerned, there should not be a difference just because the genders are reversed.
He saved your life. You thanked him. You asked to meet. He very obviously does not want to, otherwise he would have taken you up on your offer by now. Don't push him to a point where he needs to be rude to you. Show your gratitude by respecting his wishes and not making him uncomfortable.
Sorry, but someone had to say it. You sound obsessed. Just because he saved your life does not give you any rights over HIS life. He knows how to get in contact if he changes his mind. Leave it at that.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 November 2021):
 I think you need to just respect his wishes.
You don't need to see him to get "closure" you just want it (and I don't blame you).
He saved your life, he doesn't "owe" you to meet him in person. You have thanked him and he accepted your thanks.
It could be he is very socially awkward. Or that he just doesn't want the "extra fuss".
It's really sweet of you to want to meet him, but it might be too much for him.
If I were you I'd just make sure he has your number in case he changes his mind and then give him some room to decide whatever he wants to do or does not want to do.
And it might be that he is concerned with a lawsuit. Or he is just not interested in meeting you.
If you think about it, let's say YOU had saved some guy's life. He lived and then thanked you and tried to pressure you to dinner or meeting up and you really felt uncomfortable about it. But he kept asking and asking.
Let him be, honey.
Be glad that he was there when you needed that help. Thank your lucky stars that you made it.
And if this guy at some point wants to talk and meet, then do it. For now, respect that he declined.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (11 November 2021):
 I'm sorry to hear that you had such a nasty accident, i am really glad you are over the worst of it and on the road to recovery.
This guy saved your life, he is like a hero, a night in shining armour, this is the perception that you have of him now, and i would be inclined to leave it at that.
You have given him plenty of opportunity to take you up on your offer and he has not taken you up on it, so i think that your friends are right, he could very well be married, or even have girlfriend, i would not take him social media depicting single as he is single for sure.
I would refrain from turning up at his house, as if he is indeed married this will not look very good.
The only thing i can suggest here is just ask point blank outright, are you single?. And would you like to go for a drink?. If nothing comes of this then leave it at that, at last he will be forever in your memory as the knight in shining armour you never actually got to meet.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2021): It was probably a very traumatic experience for him that he just wants to forget. Dont be offended. You need to respect his decision not to meet up. He doesnt owe you anything.
...............................
|
