A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I seriously don’t know what to do. This is an ongoing story that spans a couple months, but if you’re in the mood to help a guy out, I’d love to hear your thoughts. For the past few months I've been having fun casual conversations with a cute co-worker of mine (we luckily do not work in the same department at all, she just works on the other side of the building. I'm 27 and she's 24) and around April I asked her out for lunch and she agreed.We had a great conversation at lunch, and nearing the end we were talking bars and I asked if she would like to go to one sometime and she agreed. I got her number, texted her Happy Easter a few days later, she responded well…and then I think I messed things up. At the end of the work day about a week later I went to talk to her and ask her in person if she’d like to go out for a drink that week. I should add that she didn’t seem like she was in a good mood, but my adrenaline got the best of me and I asked anyway. She was alone and she answered "Yeah, that should work. I need to check my schedule, I'll let you know" As I dreaded based off of that unenthusiastic response, when I texted her later that week asking if she was still up for a drink, she texted back “Hey I’m actually going to a movie screening, so I won’t be able to tonight…” I took the hint so I responded “Np, have fun.” No texts have been exchanged since. I didn’t talk to her for about 2 weeks after that and since then I’ve gradually been talking to her every once in a while, and she has been pleasant to talk to every time. A few days ago I sent her a friend request on Facebook and she accepted within a day. She isn’t friends with any of my other coworkers there. And she is still single. Now my question is: I want to ask her out again, and I don’t know if I should, and I don’t know how I should if I choose to. I know. It’s stupid. But I really do like her and a part of me thinks she’d be up to it this time if I change drinks to dinner, make it less intimidating perhaps. Or I could ask her out to lunch at work again but I don’t know if that will help or just keep me in the same social standing I’m in right now as “nice coworker” but not much else. Any advice would be appreciated. Feel free to be as honest as you want. These conflicting thoughts have been swimming around my head for the past couple of days and I really need to get them in order. Thank you for reading this long rambling post!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSeveral weeks later after a great conversation I asked her out again in person. She said she'll "let me know"
The date arrived and she did not let me know. So I took that as a final no.
At least I tried.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 September 2015):
 A bar is not some place to go if you like someone a lot and want to know better. You might think a lunch date is simple but a lot happens subconsciously. It only takes minutes to determine if you are a friend, lover or boyfriend material. She might even think alcohol leads to passion, and that's what you want, not knowing you could be just nervous. I don't even drink at all but if a guy asks me to go there and I like him, I would just order juice and see if we still have a great conversation.
My style of dating is, if you like someone you tell them. No beating around the bush and downplay it. Many guys rather be Friendzoned than flat out rejected. Some people just would not seriously date at all.
You can try again and jokefully ask if you are in the friendzone or if she's interested in a dinner date with you. If she says no then say best of luck to her and you won'tmake it awkward at work.
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