A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have always been a sheltered girl. My parents made sure i was highly protected, and would never let me do certain things when i was growing up. Because of this, i started to become anxious whenver going out or doing new things. My brothers also suffered from a similar fate due to our upbringing, with my oldest brother actually physically being sick before going out to a new place.My mother is also an alcoholic but does not realise it. My dad knows it but we seem to be a family that doesn't try and change anything. We don't seem to like change. My dad always says if he had the money, he would leave her. But i personally don't think he ever will, even if he could. Because it invovles change.In february this year i met a man. He's 20, i'm 19. We fell in love, and are totally besotted with eachother. The problem is, he lives in london. I live in birmingham. We're over a 100 miles away from eachother.My mother instantly took a dislike to him. When he came to the house, she didn't bother trying to get to know him or anything. My dad tried, but it was difficult due to the abuse from my mother. Whenever i went to visit london, she would hound my dad all round the house, going on about me being a vile wicked girl abandoning her family for some man.The last time i came back from visiting, my mother had been drinking heavily and unleashed it all on me. She told me she wishes she could kill him, and that i'm dead to her. She called me a prostitute and a whore, and that i should either leave him, or go and live with him.I'm not going to leave him. So i asked him if i could move in with him and his mother. They were fine with it. And i was, excited. Happy i was going to escape this house, and get the experience of caring for myself, and not being chocked with care.However, my family did not want me to go. They fought and fought. My dad cried, my brother cried, my mom was being sick, but that one was normal.My mother wouldn't leave me alone attacking me verbally, and i couldn't move to london for another week, so i moved out to stay with my friend. I stayed for a few days, and then i knew i had to go back and get my stuff, and then i'd be free.Getting my stuff was the final hurdle. But i fell. I came back and my mom tried to physically stop me from going. My dad screamed at her to let me go, but he couldn't cope, burst into tears and left the house. Mom kept swearing saying i can't go and was gonna call the police. But the police couldn't do anything? I was half way upstairs when my next door nieighbour, a retired social worker appeared and started to talking to me.Both her and mom were talking to me, making me give in. I'm weak willed. I felt like i had no choice. They said if i go like this, i won't have a family to come back to. They'll disown me. How can i leave if that's the case? I love Demetri, but i'm not runnign off with a fairytale idea. I know relationships can end. I don't want to be homeless.They said if i wait till february i can leave and they'll accept it and i can come home if things don't work out. But i know my mom has only agreed to this as she's praying something comes between us in that time and we split up. She's apprantly not going to rant at me, or him or anything anymore. But i know it's only a matter of time.I'm not happy. I feel defeated. I don't want to stay here and get a job and get a coach to go see Demetri all the time. I don't want to be in this house. I want to move on with my life, but i can't? I don't even know. I wish i could relive yesterday and pack my stuff and go rather than get talked down.What can i do?
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alcoholic, fell in love, money, move on, moved out, prostitute, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, lionelhutz  +, writes (26 August 2010):
I can only imagine how hard this is for you. But if you push the emotion aside, you are an adult. You have to start living your life, particularly if you feel you are not living it for yourself. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to pull away later on.
I would also say I agree with Pepper27 and you should listen to some of her advice.
A
female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (21 August 2010):
its a choice to be happy or unhappy ! if you choose to stay at home your going to be unhappy... and why would you even want to go back home if your relationship did not work? if you do decide to move with your boyfriend, work and put some money away so in case things dont work you have something put aside. eventually you will have to be on your own and maybe this is the step you need to take and remember your relationship could be a fairytale and last a lifetime its your choice. not all relationships end only if you choose to have them end!!!good luck
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Hi Hunny
This is called emotional blackmail, You are 19yrs old and have found someone who cares for you and as everyone in life does you want to spread your wings and live..
It honestly sounds to me as if your mum is scared of being alone, She has serious problems that really need addressing. You can help as much as possible but if she wont help herself then there is little or nothing that will change this situation...Your dads tears are by the sounds of things tears of total frustration...
I dont understand the social worker, She must see the pressure this has put on the family and should be advising your mum to get some help if she is a friend..
You are alot stronger than you think, To move and be independent would I feel do you the world of good, Make sure you are safe hunny...Always have a little money saved so you can use in an emergency...I will send you a link that hopefully will help you.....
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/coping_alcoholic.html#
If you need to talk again feel free to message me anytime, Take good care of you, If you can I also suggest you see someone you can talk to a doctor could refer you to a councellor, I feel there is alot you need to get out...PLEASE TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (21 August 2010):
 That sounds horrible. I really don't see how waiting til february is going to change anything. I would consider trying to convince the family to go to counseling with you, although i know that's a 'change' and an admission that something is dysfunctioning, which I don't know if anyone can handle besides yourself. Why don't you just leave in the middle of the night? To be brutally honest, I don't know if being disowned is that much of a punishment..I'm sure you'll miss your brothers but you'll also be showing them there can be healthy, positive change for the better, and it seems like it's only your mom really who would 'hate' you for leaving (probably just because she'll lose the person she verbally beats up on to feel better about her own inadequacies). Even if things don't work out with demitri, do you have an education? there are group homes, at least in the US, that I think would take you in for a while, considering your circumstances.i do think you have to find some way out of that house if not demitiri's..it's not a healthy situation for anyone. i'm really sorry about what you're going through, I hope it works out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): You can still go today, but you need to summon up the strength
Can you speak to your dad about this in private?
Could you get your things packed up and ready to go, or take them bit by bit to your friend's house. Then you would be in an easier position to make a move.
I am sorry to hear about this situation with your family, but I think you are doing the right thing by trying to move out. You need some freedom and you need to get away from this closed environment.
Have you thought about applying to university near to where your bf lives? Or finding a job near him so you would have an income to support yourself?
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