A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:A few years ago, I was very close with my friend. We had similar interests and always had a conversation topic. However, since last August, she seemed very cold and distant.She started hating anything I liked and sided with anyone else in an argument even when she had previously noted that their argument was factually incorrect.I really wouldn't mind if she no longer likes what I like anymore. People change over time and I accept that. But the story doesn't end there. She recently has started to act like I'm ignorant. She easily gets annoyed at things I do and gets frustrated but when another friend does the same she ignores it. Some of the things she chooses to nag about are very petty. An example would be that I buy store bought sandwiches sometimes because I didn't have time in the morning. She'd lecture me and tell me that I'm being lazy and spending more money than I should. Few weeks later, another friend brings in a store bought sandwich and she doesn't care in the slightest. Another quick story is that I tend to eat very flaky food and unfortunately a couple of flakes land here and there on the table. She would constantly bring up that I'm being messy etc. but also completely ignoring someone who drops lost of rice and crumbs in front of her (same person as the sandwich story). Sorry I had to take stuff of my shoulders there. Anyway, she's in a friend group which I cant leave. I cant stand being around her because she makes me anxious that she's going to call me out on something. It's gotten to the point where I am skipping lunch just to annoy her. Sometimes she's quite nice but she would still view me as inferior (just toned down a bit)I don't want to leave her but I at least want to know if anyone can point out any mistakes I am doing that may be causing this
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male
reader, TylerSage  +, writes (4 March 2018):
 Science has proven that the meaner your friend the more they care about you. At first blush it might sound weird, but when you really give it some thought you may understand it better. A real friend will tell you like it is, and won't try to sugar-coat stuff that they think will help you grow as an individual. Naturally, the first answers you'll hear on this topic are how horrible this girl is and how soon you should just end it with her already, and to beware of toxic friends etc. which could turn out to be the best answer for you BUT you must ask yourself, is there any truth, any truth at all to what she's saying to you? Are you lazy?Are you over spending?Do you then complain a day later about how broke you are?Or how you need to do more with you life?Truth is she may not care as deeply about the other friend to tell them anything, or it may be a case where she doesn't believe the friend is lazy of have a problem budgeting efficiently. Sometimes we as people confuse "honesty" with being "a jerk". Imagine if she honestly didn't care about you, you're laziness or your budgeting.....she'd simply....say....nothing. Because she wouldn't care.Think about that for a sec. Why waste her breath?Heck you're grown, you can do whatever the hell you want with your money. Honesty is an expensive gift, don't expect it from cheap people.Maybe your friend has become cold and distant because she feels you don't take yourself seriously and whenever she tries to help up-your-game you become bothered by it. Not all friendships are meant to last forever, sometimes we drift apart because we just don't mesh anymore. If you honestly believe this girl has no go intentions for you then end it immediately. That's not friendship. But If you think she's telling you things that may possibly be of some help to you, appreciate it, yes, even though she may come off as a complete bitch sometimes. Be thankful she doesn't just smile and wave.....like other girls.....who then gossips behind your back....she tells you stuff to your face.All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2018): I'm guessing maybe somewhere there's a boy she likes that somehow has some kind of connection with you. If there's one thing that causes friction between girlfriends, it's often a guy. Maybe you flirted with someone she likes, and she never got past that. If she thinks you're prettier than she is, she points out your flaws maybe out of jealousy.
You're both teenagers. Teenagers get moody, easily irritated, hormones go crazy, and you get into tangles and spats with your parents. Her parents may not be getting along, she might be having problems at home; and sometimes that reflects on their kids. Then their kids act-out by being annoying, disrespectful, and mean to their siblings and friends. Ask her why she keeps doing things like that to you?
In social-groups, people try to establish and raise their position or standing among others. If you're the more popular one, you're her target.
You're blooming and changing. She also wants to stand-out and be noticed. You might get more attention from others than she does; or others may take to your personality more than they do to hers. So she points out your flaws to down-grade your status within the group or your circle of friends. Especially the boys! She's otherwise nicer to you if there are only the two of you. Depending on her mood, sometimes not!
I don't include the times she rightfully corrects you about things; you may just be over-sensitive, because you get embarrassed if others are present. Ask her to stop embarrassing you in-front of people, or you'll dump her as a friend. That will curb some of that behavior.
She's right! You should be careful what you eat, and mind your table manners. Friends will correct you sometimes, I know mine will. Sometimes they notice bad-habits and things you don't, and let you know. You can't always take it in a bad way. If it's petty, it shouldn't annoy you so much. Just ignore it.
Even if she says nothing to others for the same things, others may not mean much to her. She's giving you the heads-up, not them. They may say things behind your back, that she will tell you to your face.
You shouldn't be anxious over what she says, because that gives her power over you. She may want to rise above you in your social-groups to get noticed; so don't help her do that by being touchy and over-sensitive. Just tell her when to back-off; and let her know you're tired of her picking at your nerves and trying to embarrass you in-front of people all the time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2018): Why do you even put up with her bull? For some reason your friendship has changed.Who cares why.You do not deserve to be treated like that.Just dump her sorry butt.It would be a good life lesson for her if you stopped being her friend.But what I also wonder is why in the world would you let anyone treat you like that?Stand up for yourself.Get better friends.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (4 March 2018):
 I suspect your friend (assuming she is the same age as you) is just being a teenager. She is taking out her hormonal moods and tempers on you because she knows you well and feels safe doing so. She doesn't feel this safe and comfortable with others, hence they don't get the same treatment as you do.
Have to tried speaking to her about how she has been recently? Does she realize how unsettling you find her behaviour towards you? Try telling her you love her as a friend but are finding her behaviour towards you hurtful and upsetting, and see what she says. 1
Did anything else change about the time this behaviour towards you started? (Home troubles perhaps, or school problems?)
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