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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I posted a question on here about a creepy security guard who is six years older than me (he's 26-I'm freshly 20) and constantly following me around, staring at me while standing over the front desk (I work in a museum) and always wanting to walk me to the parking garage. I have a boyfriend and after taking it for a while, I snapped at the guy and told him he was suffocating me, and I have zero tolerance for his behavior. He started covering it up by saying "I just like talking to you :)" and that he thinks I'd be cool to hang out with (he constantly asks me if I'm busy or if I'm gonna have lunch with him, etc) and he enjoys the way I talk and we think similarly/have the same opinions. It just made me so sick so I told him to relax, that we were just coworkers. He backed off completely and I deleted him off Facebook. My question is, he gave me a cell phone charger for the car and a phone case (which I didn't ask for- and for the charger I'd told him I'd give him money) and he told me not to worry about it because he gets the "hook-up" with these things. He also got me a little car scent tree. My question is, now that I told him off, do I give him back this stuff? Most of it I didn't ask for. Also, was I too harsh with him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): You have kind of given this guy mixed messages by accepting gifts from him,I think you should give him the gifts back & have a word with me him.
Just tell him whilst you appreciate his generosity,you are in-fact in a relationship & don't find it appropriate that you spend time with him.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 I thought about this one, and I think you might have been just a bit too harsh at this stage. You skipped a step, and you shouldn't go from Facebook friends and gift acceptance straight to verbal bitch-slap unless he groped you or something.
I think you missed the "same message, less harsh" step. You could have said to him "Listen, you're a great guy, but I am in a relationship, and the time you and I are spending together is crossing a boundary now. We have to back way off the contact. It's not that you're a bad guy, but out of respect for my boyfriend, I can't hang out with you apart from business, and I can't take any more gifts from you, and having lunch with you is unfortunately out of the question for someone already in a relationship. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong signals, but for now, I think we need to back off, okay?"
If he was oblivious to that, then you could get more direct. I think out of exasperation, you skipped the gentle let-down talk and went straight for the verbal pummelling and "zero-tolerance" stuff. He didn't do anything wrong...he just has awkward social skills and his crime was getting on your nerves.
In your defense, however, given how you said he reacted to what you said, there was a high probability he would have been (or acted) oblivious to the gentler let-down.
Just remember, how would you have liked to be treated by a guy who you were showing interest to who didn't like you back? Would you like him to attempt to let you down gently, or would you like him to verbally crush you?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 April 2012):
 You consider him creepy, but you have accepted gifts from him, and added him as a friend on your Facebook?
I think their is more to this story than what you're telling, because. 1. If is was creepy, throughout, someone with intelligence would not accept gifts from him, nor would they add them to their face book. 2. If it was about his being creepy, whether or not you had a boyfriend wouldn't be relevant, but you put that as a detail in your question, making it a relevant part.
I think to an extent you enjoyed the attention, but that attention began making your boyfriend wonder how much attention you were getting, so you developed this "creepy" view of your co-worker, instead of accepting responsibility yourself. Again, because someone who views someone else as being creepy would not accept gifts from them.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 You were not too harsh with him, sometimes you need to take a firm step with people who don't get the hint. Don't ever feel guilty about it. Always remember, you do not have to feel apologetic about your safety.
Secondly, return his things at once. Not only will he have an upper hand and an excuse to approach you again, it'll make you look like a free loader. Irrespective of whether you wanted those things or not, you took them from him, which you shouldn't have. Accepting gifts from him is like inviting him into your personal sphere, you're giving him the idea that you are close enough to him to be accepting gifts from him, which is clearly not the case. Return his things at once and never accept gifts from people like this. If you didn't want them then you shouldn't have taken them.
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