A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been casually dating this guy for a couple of weeks, we met on a dating site so I know he wants a relationship. Our dates have been great (at least I think so) consisting of dinner, drinks, and cuddling or making out while watching movies. I asked if he was seeing anyone else and he said no. We went out the other night with his friends who seemed to like me too and then went back to his house to watch tv. I ended up spending the night in his bed, which wasn't the first time but we never had sex or did anything sexual but I know he was getting excited. He said that we will go out on Saturday night to this place and that he would call me but last night, there was no call and I am left wondering what happened. He seems like a really good guy and I don't think all he wants is sex but who knows, men confuse me. I want to call him but then I think maybe I shouldn't as not to seem needy but I want answers too. Why didn't he call me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): Do you mean you were supposed to go out on Saturday past or Saturday coming? And did he say he would call you last night specifically? If it is only last night that he has not called you and he didn't specifically agree to call you 'on Sunday' then I think you might be overreacting a bit to be honest. Maybe he was busy? Heck my boyfriend plays football every Sunday night so I never get a call from him then. One night of no calling is not something to panic about. If I were you I would leave it another couple of days and see if he gets in touch then. Like SVC says, it's very early days to expect daily contact from him. I don't even always get that from my boyfriend and we have been together 3 years!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 Hehe. " We met on a dating site so I know that he wants a relationship ". This is sort of funny. Like saying, " I met him in New York, so I know he must be born in New York ". Honey , dating sites- and New York - are big places where people go to for all kind of reasons, legitimate and not. You must be sort of new at Internet dating- otherwise you'd have already figured out that, same as so many New York residents were born somewhere else, so many people on dating sites want everything but a relationship.
Anyway, let's give the guy the benefit of the doubt, let's not prematurely label him as a player.
Though, we can label him as rude and inconsiderate . He gives you an appointment for Saturday, then can't be arsed to cancel, to confirm, to reschedule, to say something ?
Uhm. Either he had some really major monkey wrench thrown in his plans , - or he is not as into you as you believe him to be. Like, something else came up, a party or a round of drinks with his buddies, .. and he shrugged you off, " oh well, I'll call her some other time ".
Either way, it's not you that should chase after him to get your " answers ". It's up to him to call you , apologize and come up with a valid excuse. How valid , and how believable, that you'll decide it when and if he resurfaces. But don't go look for him, because anyway even if there is a valid explanation for his behaviour, you'd give him the wrong message : that he can come and go and flake on you as he pleases, you'll just go after him to fetch him back in a nanosecond.
No no, let him do his part of the work- IF he wants to do it. Otherwise,... well, it happens. Not always people are the type they seem in the first few meetings. Dodged bullet. Next !
Another thing that not always people are is : sincere.
Just because he said he is not seeing someone else does not mean he is not seeing someone else. In fact, since you met him on a dating site, I'd be a bit surprised if it were so. Because after all that's the name of the game and the nature of the beast : multiple dating. Having choices. It's very common, sort of implied, and , at least at the beginning, until things don't turn more serious and/ or intimate, is also generally seen as acceptable . Only , it may causes problems of double bookings and conflicting schedules.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2013):
 well the truth is that just because he's on a dating site does not mean he's not looking for sex or a good time...
if you are supposed to go out on saturday night he should call probably wendesday.....
it's very early in the relationship for you to have daily contact..
if you are going away I could see calling him to touch base before hand...
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 February 2013):
Hi. I think you would be wise to NOT contact him at all before you go away with your friends.
Believe me, if he really wants to see you again, he will keep on calling you until he finally gets you on the phone.
And if he happens to call while you are away, well then that's a good thing.
Because, he will know then, that you are not just sitting around waiting for him to call.
It will send him the message, that you are a very independent young woman, who DOES have a life of her own, outside of going out with him.
And that's a good thing for him to know.
It will spark his interest in you.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts +, writes (18 February 2013):
 Hm... I wouldn't say we all advise you not to call him. Two of us say call him and one of us says to wait and see if he calls back.Personally I think you should call because then you can know once and for all if he's interested. If he is, then there are a number of reasons why he hasn't called back. As anonymous female pointed out, he may be waiting to see if you are interested enough to contact him. Or maybe something really did happen to him, stopping him from calling back even though he wanted or was planning to. If you find that he is still interested in you then you'll be able to go away on your trip and actually have fun and tell your friends. If he isn't interested in you, then you can finally stop thinking about him and spend your time finding someone who is worth your attention! And then when you go on your trip, you can seek comfort from your friends, forget about him and get ready to find someone else!
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 I think you might as well call him. It might give you some answers which is always better than not knowing. None of us really know what was going on in his mind. It does sound like he was hoping you would have sex with him and is maybe getting bored as you haven't. But he may just have a genuine excuse as to why he hasn't called. As you have been getting close you have a right to call and see what's up.
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A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (18 February 2013):
No offense, but we don't live in the 19th century anymore... There's nothing at all wrong with girls calling guys back. And just because a guy doesn't call back immediately, isn't an automatic sign he's not interested. He may be nervous, afraid or just absentminded with the phone. Maybe he lost your number accidentally. Maybe he likes you SOOOO much and is scared to actually make the call! We guys may be strong in many ways but when we REALLY like someone we get nervous (e.g. "what if she doesn't like me the same way? what if she's only interested in friends? what if she's already dating? what if she's not ready for a relationship?" etc.) As others have said, give it at least a week or so, but then what do you have to lose by trying to give him a call yourself? He could be laying awake nights wondering exactly how to approach you... imagine how he'll react if you approach him! Of course, there's always a chance that he really is no longer interested, so you should at least be ready for that possibility. But, personally, I'd rather try and fail, than to not try and wonder what might have happened if I had tried.Good luck!F
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. Well it has been two days now. I don't get it. He was so excited about going out that night, I don't know what changed. The only thing I can think of is that he's a nice guy who is somewhat on the shy side so maybe he is just nervous. I am going away on a trip this week with some friends and I wanted to call him beforehand so we could hang out for a little and talk but you guys seem to advise against that?
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (18 February 2013):
Hi there. It's wise not to call him.
After all, he did say he would call you, didn't he?
So for now, leave it that way.
Even though he didn't call you when you expected him to, he could still do so, so be patient with him.
It's a very new relationship - a couple of weeks - so you are still getting to know each other.
Give him a week or two to call you - as he said he would - and if after 2 weeks you hear nothing from him, well then DON'T call him, and DON'T text him either.
The ball is now in is court.
So the next action must come from him.
And if it gets to be 2 weeks, or even a month and still nothing, well then it might be time for you to move on - without him.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts +, writes (18 February 2013):
I think you should call him lest your imagination runs wild. I mean, he seems to like you. He even introduced you to his friends which is excellent! Something could have come up which meant he couldn't call. Maybe he got hurt, or he has a family emergency or even that he forgot to pay his phone bill and they cut off his service. Just put yourself out there and call him. If he's a good guy he won't think you're needy but just concerned for his well-being. It'll be good for you too so that you don't put yourself in too much agony ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): Why don't you take a few deep breaths and think of something that brings you peace. Then, you need to give him a call and find out.He might be perfectly willing to go out with you again but maybe he is waiting for a call from you to show him you are interested. You were in bed with him, but didn't take things any further with him. This can make a guy feel like you aren't interested in having a relationship with him because you didn't take initiative in bed when an opportunity presented itself.If you want a relationship with him but are just not ready to take things further on a physical level, then you need to take initiative by picking up the phone, and giving him a call. If you get his answering machine, thank him for the great time you had together last night. Tell him you would like to get together with him again sometime soon. Suggest a dating activity that you would like to treat him to and a date you have free. ("Maybe we could go *place/activity* next *saturday.* It will be my treat!" Then tell him to give you a call and provide him with your phone number (say the numbers slow enough that he could write them down--what if something happened to his phone and he doesn't have your number?) then close your phone call and wish him good night.
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