A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I found out off a long-time family friend (male) of ours, who's a taxi-driver, about my husband's nightshift job.We've been married for 3 months now.I am aware that my husband worked nights, he changed job to a nightshift one a year-and-a-half ago, being the night owl that he is. I assumed incorrectly it was a call centre/factory etc. job but had no idea that it was what my friend told me it was... see below.My friend told me that he had to go to the gay part of town to pick up a fare from there, and whilst waiting, he was parked next to a strip club which people can see through the windows and was amazed to see my husband as a stripper there with guys paying him with notes for dances!He said to me thae club looked to be a sleazy male lap-dancing club which had a sign that read "LAP DANCING. BY GUYS. FOR GUYS ONLY. 100% HOT GUYS. XXX"He showed me the photos he got off his mobile phone, and I was shocked by this.I thanked him for this, and this shows how trusted a family friend he is.I did try and confront my husband about this today(but he refused to discuss it, and said that it's nothing to do with me).He said if he wanted to work there, he would, and no-one would stop him. He also said "So what? Married men can work in gay strip clubs, it's just a bit of fun!!No women to hit on me!"I feel disgusted by this "job" of his - which is his only employment.He must be either enjoying it, in it for the money, or both.I can't cope with this. Please help me.Tania
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (5 July 2009):
 Who signs on as anonymous but then signs out with a name...think your wasting our time.
A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (4 July 2009):
 This is so surreal it almost seems fake..
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A
female
reader, FreeAdvice  +, writes (4 July 2009):
 If you didn't even know that your husband was working at a gay club that's a problem. My boyfriend and I share every thing. We do our banking together. How did you not see a pay stub or anything of the sort? you're married for gosh sakes. This makes me feel really bad. If he doesn't care how you feel then that's a major problem too. Take some time to think what would be best for you and what else he could be lying about.
Hope you find what you're looking for.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): I don't think this could be a hoax or a fake/troll thread.Sometimes people do have secret jobs on the side which they keep discreet.However, I don't know what to do.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 July 2009):
 Your husband? You married someone and didn't even have a clue as to where they worked?
You didn't know wether he was working in a factory or call center. I find that odd. Most people tend to want to know where their significant other spends a large part of their day. You apparently didn't.
Perhaps because you didn't think it concerned you? So why do you now? You were fine if he worked in a factory killing kittens for their skin or in a call center for the KKK, you didn't ask so you don't know what he did. But now you find out he is a stripper, you suddenly care?
If you want the right to object to your partners occupation, the time to do it is before you say "Yes, I do".
You have had my symptathy if this was your new boyfriend, but come on, what woman marries a guy without even knowing what he does for a living.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (4 July 2009):
 its very dishonest of your husband to keep the truth of his job away from you. a good relationship shud be based upon trust but how does he expect u to understand when he lied to you? its very cruel.there must be an element in that job that ur husband enjoys. it must be about the good money he makes and the job itself probably makes him feel great about himself.he doesnt seem to understand your feelings. you need to make him understand by speaking to him about your disgust of it all. see if he's willing to listen to your feelings, if not he is acting selfish indeed. good luck
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