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I thought my Co-worker was just a good friend. So why has he been asking me explicit sexual questions?

Tagged as: Friends, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 November 2013) 13 Answers - (Newest, 25 November 2013)
A age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've thought this guy at my work and I were just friends. We talk a lot, about random stuff usually.

Yesterday we were texting and he was asking me when I'm going to have kids and everything. I said I don't know.

Anyway so we were texting more and he asked what all I've done sexually, I'm not afraid to say so I told him. And then he was just asking more and more "personal questions".

I hang out with mostly guys because girls have too much drama usually for me, so I'm kinda used to guys being guys.

But I'm just confused because I thought my co-worker and I were just friends and everything but none of my other guy friends have ever asked me personal questions like he was.

I'm just confused by him asking those questions, why would a "guy friend" need/want to know those things?

View related questions: co-worker, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you everyone for your help

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (25 November 2013):

Honeypie agony auntI'm with Auntie Em.

Just because you work together doesn't mean you have to discuss your sex life. Or get any kind of pictures of you.

JUST be professional and polite at work. TREAT him like a co-worker, nothing more. He has already shown he isn't a friend.

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (25 November 2013):

AuntyEm agony auntJust because you see him, does not mean that you have to get drawn into sexual conversation with him.

Does your company have any policy for sexual harrassment?

If I were you, I'd be keeping a record of his inappropriate behaviour. Keep things strictly business and try to have someone else with you the whole time he's around.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for all the answers. I can't avoid him because we work as security and there's only 5 employees where we work. We work alone but have to see whoever comes in to relieve us/we relieve them. I have to see him every week at least once, usually it's three or four times a week that I have to see him.

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (24 November 2013):

AuntyEm agony auntHe is just being a pervert and trying it on with you. Maybe he thinks you are naive and will be easily sucked into sex talk. You do seem pretty clueless to his actions...avoid him, he will soon move on to another victim.

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A female reader, shna Ireland +, writes (24 November 2013):

shna agony auntHe is looking for nude pictures of you and is looking for sexual contact off you !! Tell him to back off he has a partner and two children and his actions are innappropriate !

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013):

This guy is trying to get into your pants. It's as plain and simple as that. Or at least he's trying to use sexy talk and pictures of you so he can masturbate. I think the pictures that he means are ones of you undressed.

YOU might consider him as a friend but HE regards you in a sexual way.

Don't engage in any more sexualised talk with him and don't send him any pictures. It's entirely inappropriate seeing that he is in a relationship and has two children

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (24 November 2013):

Honeypie agony auntHe is being inappropriate for two reasons, 1, he has a GF/Partner and 2. he is your co-worker.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I should have been more clear, when I said I was okay with answering the question about what I've done sexually, it's because I haven't done much. So there was nothing really to tell.

I didn't answer all of his questions. Mostly I answered with I don't know.

I was just confused how/why he was asking me the questions.

He has a girlfriend who he's been with for a while and he's got 2 kids with her so it just surprised me that he asked questions like that.

Oh and then the last question he asked was, is when is he going to get some pictures of me? I said like....? And he didn't respond.

I'm just wondering why ask for pictures of me? Yes my other guy friends have had pictures of me before but it's not usually of me alone (usually with other friends)

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (24 November 2013):

Honeypie agony auntUm, well if you ANSWER questions like that he thinks they are OK. If you TELL him, "that question is inappropriate so I'm not going to answer it" Or the "mind your own business", then you most like won't get more question like that.

He either want more then be a co-worker and "friend" or he is hoping he can at least initiate some kind of f-buddy thing with you.

It IS OK for you to NOT want to answer intimate questions. EVEN to good friends. You share what you want and keep to yourself WHAT you want as well.

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A female reader, shna Ireland +, writes (24 November 2013):

shna agony auntIm on the same wave length as younmost of

My close friends are girls but when it comes to work i hang out with the guys its less drama plus conversation is never dramatic !! I can talk about girls with them and make sexual jokes or comments but i would never talk about sex with them its just uncomfortable for me plus my boyfriend works in my company aswell so i would not disrespect him

Like that with colleagues !! People dont need to know about our personal life.!!

I guess its fair to say this guy has a crush on you

Hes probably looking for a one night stand kind of deal or fwb since he was asking you those kind of questions ! If he was interesred in you as a girlfriend he wouldnt have mentioned anything of that nature and since he never asked you anything to your face im

Guessing its not for banter purposes !!

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (24 November 2013):

Anonymous 123 agony auntBecause he's a pervert who doesn't know his limits. Just because you hang out with him and are friendly with him doesn't give him any right to ask you the kind of questions that he has and you should have ideally said, "sorry but what business is it of yours?"

Don't share any details with him, you don't know how, when and where people can use information against you. It's fine being friendly but be careful before you share personal information with anyone you dont know too well. Why should you anyway? You are also leading him on to believe that you might be "easy" because you didn't put your foot down when he started acting smart with you.

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (24 November 2013):

AuntyEm agony auntHe wants to know because maybe he isnt such a good guy and maybe he isnt a very good friend who respects boundaries.

If you arnt afraid to answer questions about your sex life then I am not really sure why you are so confused by this guys questions...I guess the smart thing to do would be to say 'Mind your business'

Some men are very overly sexual and will try to pick up anything in a skirt. They cut to the chase and get sexual as quickly as possible because usually they are just after one thing. I think texting is to blame too. Many people text stuff that they would not dare to say to your face!!

If he asks any more sexual questions just tell him to mind his own and if it carries on, quit hanging out with him.

It's an easy fix.

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