A
female
age
26-29,
*yheartistired
writes:Hi everyone. So here's my problem... I'm 16 almost 17 and have been dating this guy for a year now (we'll say Joey) who I really care about and get along with amazingly, not to mention he treats me better than anyone has in my life.But the other night I went out to a club with my older sister and got really really drunk. (yes, I know it's wrong please don't judge) When we got back to the house, i hooked up with one of the college guys there (we'll say Zach) and got pretty intimate with him... this is the only guy I have been intimate with besides Joey. Now trust me, I felt pretty terrible about it the next morning and barely remembered any of it. It's been only two days but I find myself looking at Zach's facebook and his pictures and getting jealous of the girls on his page?? I know, it's pathetic but I feel so emotionally attached to him even though I had never talked to him before that night and still don't talk to him now.So please, help me... Why do I feel so depressed and like I just got dumped? I even started tearing up thinking about Zach and how I'll never have him... Why am I feeling like this? I can't stop thinking about him for a single minute. And also, what do I do about Joey? I thought I loved him but I guess not anymore... I don't want to hurt him and would never be able to tell him what happened. It would crush him... please help!
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female
reader, myheartistired +, writes (15 March 2011):
myheartistired is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Caitlin! I think that's a great advice, to at least wait a couple weeks to sort out my feelings... I do have to come to terms with the fact I won't be with Zach and I guess that is what is hurting me. Thanks so much for your advice, I really appreciate it
A
female
reader, Caitlin B  +, writes (14 March 2011):
I think you still love Joey, think about it, he treats you amazingly and you get along awesomely too - not everyone finds someone like this! It is natural to be intrigued by this new guy. I know what I can be like sometimes, I meet someone knew and all I want is to be with them. But I am used to the feeling now, and I know within a few weeks I will forget about any feelings for the other guy because they never meant anything. Many people have a short sexual attraction to someone, hormones and adrenaline are released when you get sexually close with someone else even if you are already with one - hence the reason cheating can sometimes become so attractive to people. Now, I am not saying cheat on him or implying you have, I am just saying these hormones and adrenaline are causing this intregue for him. You have never been like that with anyone else, which also adds sexual interest. But these feelings will go away, and are nothing compared with love. Think about all the amazing things about Joey and even if you decide that you don't love him anymore at least wait a few weeks to make sure you are 100% sure. I lost my boyfriend because of a similar situation and realised too late that he really meant a lot more to me than a short sexual attraction. I never lost my love for him I just thought I had.I think it is all just sex drive. You got close with him and now want more, a very natural and common feeling. But just think, chances are, you and Zach will never be together. He was just a guy in a club. It might sound hard but try not to become too attached when you probably do still love Joey.
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