A
female
age
30-35,
*anpopo
writes:the guy i have been dating for the last few months and myself nearly broke up on sunday. first of all, i think i am reading into it too much when i am afraid that because he was willing to let it go that he really doesn't care- but he was very willing when i said "we can't go back and change it all, but what about starting over?" after that, it has been light, and loving, and amazing all week. though the other day when i was at the barracks where he lives (he is active duty military) his co-worker marine friend who is female around the same age as myself started high school-ish flirting with him. like, she walked in the front door as he was signing me in and threw her hat at him. it landed by my feet and as i had rather large bag of books on my shoulder she got to the hat before i did. normally they are called "covers" by the military so i said "your cover, it's on the ground!" trying to be happy and friendly. instead of responding at all nicely she glared at me a bit and snipped back "it's a hat". dusted it off and proceeded to exchange greetings with my guy before heading up to her room. now, we have already had problems because of this girl. when she was engaged a few months ago he and her had pretty much a full on makeout session- as far as i know dry humping with minimal clothes as a possibility. i'm not sure of the details so it could have been they were both fully clothed or something. since then we have had various arguments when it comes to her, especially when he quickly went from saying things like "she is a stuck up whore" and that he never wants to talk to her again and can't wait for her to leave the station to saying he just wants to be on good terms with her and then borderlining saying he's friends with her and saying "a good friend knows your imperfections but likes you anyway". he has admitted to finding her physically attractive on some level, but he constantly reassures me that he loves me (mainly because i ask) but i'm still worried that he'd cheat on me with her. he was dating another girl when stuff happened between them... and was dating that girl when he first met me and we started dating. he chose me, but that's not the point.everything else with us is amazing, we have a strong connection, we love each other and as far as i know other than hiding his communication with this woman from me (which the type of communication upset me) there has been nothing between us. i mean, her grandfather recently passed away and i will never say "no, you can't be sorry about that and be a friend" but offering to visit her when he knows i don't want them spending time alone and telling her he'll bring a type of alcohol? i think that's just wrong and even though nothing happened, they haven't hung out at all, i don't know that he understands that out of love he just wouldn't offer such things because it makes me uncomfortable.
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broke up, co-worker, dry sex, engaged, flirt, military Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tanpopo +, writes (13 February 2009):
tanpopo is verified as being by the original poster of the question well first of all she's married- she was engaged when they first had stuff happen and as far as that's concerned he said that there are no feelings there. he calls it a "big mistake" and he says he hates to relive it. granted he knows that his communication with her bothers me so he says that's why he hid it though they haven't hung out other than passing each other by in the last few months. he has said that his reasons for being a "friend" again is he just wants to be on good terms so that he can save his own conscience and at least say "i tried" and honestly mean it. though i believe he understands my feelings now since we've talked about it it still bothers me that he did it in the first place. and the girl he was dating (this original thing happened in august, we met in september) was long distance, and that she had never let him know how she was really feeling about them and, although living in japan since they started dating, even after moving back to the states nothing changed. so the other girl, yea it matters but in the long run he has reasons. as much as i want to be a hard ass and say "no, it doesn't matter, you were crappy" and leave, i do love him and my feelings were already there when i found out.
A
female
reader, femalecupid00 +, writes (13 February 2009):
He needs respect your wishes for one. And you he cheated on his last girlfriend with the same chick and left the same girlfriend for you?! thats to much movement for me. hes seems very confused you dont need a guy like that around. not to mention he went from a "i cant wait till she leaves" attitude to "shes a good friend" i'd question what makes her such a good friend! you need to be very alert and one step ahead in the game cause i do believe she is trying to horn your man............if she hasnt already!
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