A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone help me with the math here because i think i'm being lied too by the woman i'm currently seeing.She text me good morning at 08.00, then another text at 08.57 asking how day was going.At 09.36 she text and said she was having breakfast and getting ready for work, as she starts at 10am. Then a few more texts on the run up to 10am.I checked my whatsapp, and she had mistakenly left a speaker message at 09.07 i could here her driving in her car with the music going, which lasted about 30 seconds.I text and said you sounded like you were driving, were you driving back to flat to get ready.She replied on her break at work and said she left early to meet someone at work.How can you be at home getting ready having breakfast at 09.36, then be in your car driving at 09.07 claiming to have left early to meet someone. Does not make sense.She has had a thing of lying in the past, and staying at her sons fathers, but i thought this had not happened in ages.I think i'm being lied to, and its making me feel totally paranoid at the moment.Is there anyone else who thinks from what i have said thinks she stayed somewhere else last night other than her flat?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2021): Hi all, OP here. I have not heard anything from her for almost a week.Normally she would turn up on my doorstep with her tail between her legs, but last night she sent a whatsapp text saying she enjoyed our walks and time together and that she stands by what she said saying she has done nothing wrong and on this occasion she's no liar, and that i am wrong.I replied, and once again that how was you at the flat at 09.36 getting ready to leave, and be in your car driving at 09.07, i said i'm not suprised she can't offer an explanation. And even after sending that she still can't offer an explanation.The only explanation i think is that she was driving back to the flat at 09.07, then text we at 09.36 saying she is getting ready for work.All she came back with last night was, she has done nothing wrong.But she can't clarify why the times don't add up.I'm sorry writing again, thought it was all done, just her text last night stirred things up again. Thank you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2021): Wishing you well, OP.
You have done the right thing. Why waste years of your life on a cheater and a liar?
You CAN and WILL find a woman who loves you and ONLY you. But just as importantly, RESPECTS you enough not to lie to you or insult your intelligence over and over again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2021): I just wanted to thank you for all your answers, especially the female ready anonymous, was spot on.She text Monday night, still trying to lie and cover up her tracks. The times just don't tie up.She said she sent me the audio as it was a song i liked. All i heard was her cough in it, and seconds of a song where never even got to the chorus for me to desipher what it was. I mean how stupid does she think i am.Saturday morning she said she left early and took a breakfast bar. On Monday night she said she never had breakfast Saturday morning, just a croissant. OMG that was the icing on the cake for me. I said to her your just lying through your teeth.I would have respected her more if she just said she stayed at her ex's, i would have admired the truth.Anyway, thank you so much guys, onwards and upwards now.
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A
female
reader, CarrieSoa +, writes (15 March 2021):
 You've got yourself into a bind. You took back someone who you knew lied and cheated on you. Now you are living with trust issue over her. If you want a happy, peaceful life, end the relationship and move on. You'll be free of suspicion and anxiety over what she will be doing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2021): Inconclusive! This is too much guesswork, even if she is lying. You can't convict or accuse anybody based on a guess or suspicion. I won't even attempt to confirm or deny; because it's too dicey. You will draw your own conclusion based on her history and credibility.
There's apparently no trust. We get dozens of posts with baby-mama and baby-daddy drama. If she has spent nights with her son's father in the past, and lied about it. Why did you dismiss it after more than one occurrence?
Your trust was betrayed the very first time! Let me guess, your ego wasn't going to let him win? Well, if someone lies to me more than once; and there's a third-party as close as an ex or the father of a kid involved! Two strikes...you're out! That's more adult than allowing it to happen over and over, beating yourself up with suspicion; or falsely accusing her based on paranoia. You superficially forgave her, maybe 45%...but you never truly got-over the first-time she cheated on you with her baby's daddy! Spending the night is too incriminating and loaded with opportunity to just claim it was innocent. Lying about it makes any future denial unbelievable, regardless of what's true.
Her credibility is shot, and these games are going to distract you from your job, keep you on pins and needles; and you'll always be suspicious of her whereabouts and activities. She's a grown-woman! She really shouldn't have to account for every minute of her time or whereabouts, based on "your" insecurities.
Is this the way it's always going to be? You doing the math, and checking her history on and off social media??? Who are you, her parole officer? Make her wear an ankle-bracelet!
If you can't trust her, and your suspicion can't be suppressed. My advice is to tell her why, and then let her go. Stop competing with her ex; if you think she's playing two-sides from the middle.
I don't even consider dating people with ever-present exes! Especially, if they still hang with them on a regular basis. That's nothing but a wedge!!! In this case, he's her baby's daddy! That's a built-in excuse. They have to interact for the sake of their child. You don't even trust her, so why bother staying in it? You knew the score when you committed to a lady with a kid, who still needs to spend time with her baby's daddy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2021): Hi OP. I will assess this logically. If she said she was having breakfast and getting ready for work in the same sentence, it seems logical that she would be at "home" getting ready, not having breakfast out. At 9:36 AM, that is when she texted you... "Having breakfast and getting ready for work." Her words, correct? Well, you don't get ready for work while driving your car or while you are at a donut shop or grabbing coffee on the go. She was at HOME. Now the question is was it HER home or HIS home?It seems to me she was texting too much information to you. That is what liars do to make everything seem normal and above board, to THROW you off track. They over inform. They know they are lying. They know they have a history of lying. And they know you will not believe them so they will cover their tracks meticulously.It seems odd that she would be meeting someone early at work. I don't believe her.I think she did herself in by accidentally leaving you the speaker message on Whataspp. Technology can be a double edged sword. She did not intend to and likely did not realize she sent that recording. It gave her away. Mistakes and carelessness give away a lot of cheaters. So she had to scramble to come up with an explanation. Sorry, but I think her excuse was lame.I am going to caution you to watch your back from now on. She has a history of lying. You already do not trust her. And you already perceive her ex bf/husband as a threat. Your gut is telling you something. I wouldn't ignore it. It truly is the trust and good nature of the innocent that liars use to their advantage to keep getting away with unacceptable behavior.I know it is hard because you keep going over this in your head and it is driving you crazy. You just want to know what is going on rather than feeling this nagging insecurity and doubt all the time. Well, OP, that doubt and insecurity is going to follow you around as long as you stay with her. It is obvious you don't trust her. And from what I am seeing, where there is smoke, there is fire. A history of lying only shows you that she is going to repeat her behavior. You might have to make the decision to pull the plug on this relationship. Lying to your partner and possibly cheating on them is extremely cruel and disrespectful. It is also a deal breaker. If it is definitive proof you need, don't tell her a thing and just go get it.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (14 March 2021):
Keep in mind that she didn't leave the WhatsApp message knowingly, so you shouldn't expect a perfect answer there.
I never cheated on my ex wife but occasionally if she had bugged me about timing of things it would have looked like I had.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2021): Thanks for your answers.
I did ask her, she replied back later in the evening and said she left shortly after 9am to meet her friend at work as she started at 10.
Her earlier message at 09.36 read " Yes getting ready for work, just having breakfast BEFORE I LEAVE, Have you had your breakfast"?. This strongly says she was at home
My opinion is she was driving back to the flat at 09.07 from where ever she had been the night before, then sending the text saying she is getting ready for work.
If she had not of mistakenly sent audio of her driving at 09.07 i would be none the wiser.
I text this in my reply last night at 8, and i have not heard from her since, not even a response to defend herself.
Ok, thank you all, i'm better off without her i know that now.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (14 March 2021):
 You have to decide, once and for all, whether you trust her or not. If you do, then you have to stop going through everything she says with a fine tooth comb, trying to catch her out on a lie. If you DON'T trust her, why are you still with her? You are going to drive yourself crazy, trying to decide whether she is cheating or not. Is this how you want to spend your life?
Why not just ask her outright, "Heh, I'm confused. How come you said you were eating your breakfast at x but were driving at x?". Her reaction should tell you all you need to know.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2021): She text later in the evening and said she left for work just after 9 to meet a friend where she works. She starts work at 10, so what would have been the point.
My point is her ealier text clearly said, at 09.36 " yes getting ready for work, just having some breakfast BEFORE I LEAVE, have you had your breakfast yet".
She was blatantly at home, and the whats app text of her driving at 09.07 was her on her way back to flat from where ever she had been the night before.
Its obviously all a lie, as the timings just don't tie up.
Anyway, your right, maybe i need to chill. I have not heard from he today so maybe that's a good thing.
Thanks for your advice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 March 2021):
 Did she say she was at HOME to eat breakfast?
Also, why the minutia of her day? Do you need a daily itinerary to check up on her and hopefully catch her in some lie?
I think you need to chill.
If you don't trust her, you need to work on that (with her help) or LET her go.
This seems insane, IMHO
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