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I think I'm in love with my sister-in-law! Please help!

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2006) 39 Answers - (Newest, 2 August 2012)
A male , *ustful writes:

I told my sister in law that i fancy her a couple of months ago she lives 200 miles from us but i can't stop thinking about her sexual ,i am married with a son but feel traped in the marriage very distent from my wife.My wife has put on weight that she can't get rid of after pregnecy, my job reputation and career would be on the line if i got caught texting my sister in law,i'm worried i wouldn't be able to see my son. I think i love my sister in law but she keeps telling me nothing will happen but she replys to some sourcy texts some times then won't answer othertimes,i really want to be with here but feel she will reject me if i make the 1st mood, She has 3 kids and is very beautiful i don't know what to do please help me. lustful

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2012):

It isn't just your relationship with your wife you are jeopardising - it's also your relationship with your SIL. I have a SIL with whom I am very close and with whom I've got on well right from day 1 about 8 years ago. I value that relationship too much to risk stuffing it up for a night of passion. I'm not going to go there

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A male reader, PCUk72 United Kingdom +, writes (19 March 2011):

Further to my December post - having spent more time with my sister inlaw she's single handly fallen from the pedastal I'd put her on.

Looks like I made the right decision all those years ago and I should stop idolising her. Anything my marriage lacks is at least 50 per cent my fault. Things need to be worked on but at least I'm focused again now. Good luck to anyone enduring this - please ensure you think and look well before you leap.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010):

I feel your pain guys. Abused as a child as well as being adopted meant I bathed in my wife's love for me when I met her. I knew she loved more than I did for her but I thought we had a solid foundation for a relationship, maybe marriage & a family. I love her family & her youngest sister was adorable. I used to hang out with her & we had some innocent laughs together. Little Sis eventually went to Uni so I didn't see her apart from the holidays. Meanwhile my relationship with my fiancé got serious & we decided to marry at 26. Just prior to the wedding a stunning young woman appeared - her sister. I fancied her but knew she was in love with a guy. I put it down to a crush & proceeded to get married. My wife's built a life 300 miles away so she faded from my mind for many years. Children did not materialise in my marraige & I got depressed about my life plan & put on some weight. I started to doubt my decision to marry. I talked to my wife & mentioned that I had a crush on her sister as she was now single again & had been visiting. I told my wife that I should not feel like this if all was right in my marriage. She agreed & asked me what I wanted to do. I recommitted myself to our relationship realising what a wonderful woman I had married. I got into the habit of avoiding her Sister when possible or talking to her in groups. I even felt happy if I avoided her! It got easier still when her new man turned out to be a twit. Then one family do I let myself be drawn into to talking to my rather drunk sister inlaw. She cried telling me her guy would not get married (they were living together). & would not adopt kids (she can't have them). My heart went out to her & I thought that would be the end of their relationship. 12 months later they were engaged & married on my 40th birthday! I hated every single minute of that day! I knew she was blind to him & his behaviour. I was watching one of my most favourite people making a huge mistake. Resignation set in & I severed all direct contact. Things picked up in my marriage & I lost some weight plus we started to discuss adoption too. 2yrs into the marriage my brother inlaw declared he was leaving her just as she'd jacked in a well paid job to train as a nurse! I tried hard guys, just the odd call, a small message, a gift. My wife & I visited as I was eager to let the sisters friendship renew. I then made a mistake. On the premis of seeing her new puppy I visited one afternoon while away on work. We had a great time & although she offered lodging I drove home that night. I felt flushed, I could handle being friends alone with her. Nievely I was confident I could handle things. I visited again needing lodging for work who paid a small amount for her trouble. Again we had really times across the 4 days. A week or so after getting back that horrible old feeling is back again but worse. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but what does she feel for me? I love my wife dearly & if her sister says anything to her the relationship would be over. However, my wife has gone off the children idea while I'm even more committed. But how could I adopted a child into this mess? I am now also due to go skiing with them both next year! I am not heartless, I am in physical pain & nausea over this. I sometimes feel that taking my life Is the only honourable solution. I am ashamed by the lust I feel & the confusion is feeding my old self loathing demon from my childhood. I suspect that I will let the impending storm take me where it will! My heart goes out to anyone going through this. I am a person who does care & love both women deeply, it's not just sexual.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010):

My brother has not married my SIL but has been living with her 10 years and there is no children involved in this situation, before he went with her I dated her for a short time and we got around to feeling each other but never got to the bedroom, I caught her cheating on me and I ended the relationship very abruptly. Then a couple of weeks later my brother started to date her, which at the time I wasn’t really that bothered about.

For the first couple of weeks she would flirt heavy with me, even rubbing her foot against my penis under the table, which I always got angry at, it didn’t help that my brother would never believed me when I would complain.

She eventually stopped this after a while but there would always be the odd occasion that would resurface, in all events I know she was just teasing and would never really go the whole way, still I was always highly aroused, but I would always stop her for my brothers sake, as he is absolutely in love with her,

Then one new year we were alone downstairs ourselves, as the rest of my family had gone to bed upstairs and we were sitting drinking a lot of alcohol celebrating and I told her my true sexual and emotional feeling, she was blown a back and she started after a while to perform oral sex on me, I realized that this would kill my brother and stopped her half way through, which I may add was very very hard.

Over the years I have watch her grow into a truly amazing woman and she is absolutely beautiful, her shear sex appeal is hard for an man around her to withstand, and she has a ruthless intelligence and a fun loving attitude to life that simply drive’s me insane.

What drives me even more nuts is the fact that there is a good possibility I could if I was evil enough have sex with her but it is forbidden fruit, I truly love me brother and I just can’t do that to him, even though in a way I feel in some respects he has stolen her from me.

The fact also that no woman I have meet yet even comes close to her has left me at a low point in finding another girlfriend, although I have had a few of them thinking it would make her jealous and it did same to work for a short spell, but at the end of the day she is still with my brother whilst my relationships never last that long and I am left disappointed with a ludicrous felling that I have cheating on her.

Recently we have become closer as friends, but there is still that sexual tension in the air, I basically need to put on an act even time I see her with my brother and I think she feels the same.

My discipline up to this point has been extremely strong but I don’t know how much temptation from her I can take anymore, I am literally getting ill with the love and lust I have for her.

I just hope that one day I wake up and I will be happy that she is just my SIL and then maybe I can find someone out there with her shadow for myself.

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A male reader, troublesome United States +, writes (23 August 2010):

I can't believe so many people experience what i'm going through right. I love my sister -in-law, or maybe it's just infatuation. It tortures me everyday to see her. The worst is when she go near me, her skin rubbing against mine and other parts of the body. She sometimes just drop on me when lying in bed, It's easy to say to let her go and distant your self from her. BUt how can you do that when she's just 10 steps away from me and wife's room and she herself comes in most of the time!... X(

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010):

I have known my sister in law for 28 years and for a long long time that's all she was to me then all of a sudden the feelings i had for her hit me like a brick. I am still married to her sister and she is married to an old fiend of mine who I don't really get along anymore and just recently they have moved interstate. I don't know if she feels the same way about me and when ever we see each other I am always very happy, we flirt a little bit and when she goes I feel down. We have a million things in common and I have to try very hard not to look at her when she's around. She calls me her favorite brother inlaw and she is so easy to talk to.She is very beautiful and I keep asking myself is this just lust, if I'm honest with myself I really dont think it is. I would never do anything to hurt my wife so I guess at least if I talk about it here I'm not hurting anybody. I will just have to look forward to next time we meet. To others in this forum my heart goes out to you all it is very hard to deal with when you cant talk to anyone

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010):

best thing is to talk to her. if you've both got famalies its not a good idea

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A male reader, Riggins United States +, writes (21 February 2010):

People need to have common sense and make good decisions. Put yourself in the position of advising your own son who someday comes (now he has a child) and says he wants to date his wife's sister.

You would be asking for trouble on so many levels. I actually dated my wife's sister before marrying. She is drop dead gorgeous and so is my wife. I still have a special feeling about her that I would never reveal. However, I am not stupid enough to act on the feeling. Instead I just enjoy being around her and concentrate on being a better husband to my lovely wife. My wife added many pounds after going to the gym. We dieted together and got a gym membership. Everyone changes. Common sense says control your thinking, don't be an idiot and put all your effort into making your marriage work first.

This may not be what you want to hear but it is common sense. When we act, we need to think about how our actions would hurt others and your plan would ruin your marriage, ruin the relationship between two sisters and probably alienate you from your own son.

Be a man. Honor your obligations and control your thoughts.

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A female reader, me2you Australia +, writes (31 December 2009):

Mate, you poor bastard, I know exactly what your going through,an a affair of the heart, mine has been hidden for 13 odd yrs and have loved my brother in law since the day I laid eyes on him, fueled by mixed messages or straight out messages that can't be denied, children involved, personal changes in your self, your partner and that of your hidden love that you'd never thought would influence your emotions, unfortunately distance does make the heart grow stronger and fonder-(even though you would both try to ignore and deny it) where just to hear the sound of their voice would make your day/no! your whole year feel worth while to survive it, what's worse you know in your heart 'n' soul the other party feels the same way whether or not they openly admit it(which they can't and never will as long as the parties that would be hurt still exist on the scene).

But the truth of the matter is that neither of you ever will make it open enough to do anything about unless you are willing to hurt the ones you love (in one way or another) such as your partners, children, your beloved kin, each other.

My situation is, I have 3 children to a man I have been with 4 more than 13 years that I have fallen out of love with thru his attitude and actions, I love and respect his brother more than life itself and yearn to be close to him or just to hear his voice, I know he has deep feelings for me as I do for him, and both of us have come very close to letting the other know many times, to the fact that we don't need to say the words or actions any-more, because it really is just a tease, both of us would never break the heart of his brother, create confusion for the children invoved, or pretend to be at peace with a decision to alope(so to speak), I'm sorry but you will never receive the response you want from your sister=in=law, even if she wants to give it to you, there is just 2 many people that could be hurt from your actions and intentions.

if you pursue this avenue of lust or love you will lose your children, either by your partners choice or the childs choice,

THE QUESTION IS; WHAT CAN YOU LIVE WITH? AND WHAT CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT?

for me I can live with the pain of unrequired love, as long as I get to have him in my life at some level,

I can't live without my children, I can't live without my childrens love and respect, I can't live with a guilty concience of breaking peoples hearts(when their really not that bad a person, If my husband was a complete and utter asshole all the time who beat and degraded me constantly it wouldn't be that hard of a decision to make to run away)

I couldn't live with possibly loosing both my children and the one I truely love.

Each person has to choose for themselves what they CAN and CAN'T live WITH or WITHOUT, in their own life situations within their own emotions or consciences, this is all I can offer, both pathways are painful, both with their equal pro's and con's, both in their bitter and sweet ways

GOOD LUCK MAKING THE RIGHT DECISION FOR YOU AND YOUR LIFE!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009):

My brother in law and I have been in love for 16 years. He has lived out of state for the past 10 years and for the past two years we have been talking on the phone or e-mailing. Currently we have decided to quit because we know its wrong and we would never want to hurt our spouses. I cant stop thinking about him. I dont know how to get him out of my mind.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009):

I have been in love with my sister in law for many years. She is one of the most gorgeous women I have ever known. It's rather sad because I never acted on my feelings because I knew it would crush my wife (who I never loved in the first place....married her because of pregnancy) and would cause irreversable damage between her and her sister. I know my sister in law has always liked me as well and she is still attracted to me although she is married now and seems to be fairly happy. I've thought many times about telling her how I feel but I just cant face the mess it would create. One thing is for sure, I need to get away from my wife and find something that makes me happy instead of worrying about satisfying everyone else.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009):

I am in love with my sister-in-law, too. She acts like she wants me. I catch her giving me head to toe looks and leaning over me to get to something, brushing against me, playing footsie, anything to touch me. But I don't know if it's just an act. She keeps getting more and more beautiful over the years, and I am left with a dull, void feeling: something has gone missing.

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A male reader, brettmichaels89 United States +, writes (17 February 2009):

my wife is in love with my brother and he with her,,he is in a serious relationship with 2 kids and my wife and i have 1,,they both know that i know the situation and i have told them they r free to do anything that they like when he has the chance to get away from his g/f.so there is nothing wrong with your feelings u just need to see how she feels and decide from there what the 2 of u should do,,and if niether of u r happy in your current relationships and want to be together than that is where u need to be

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009):

I've been in love with my wife's sister for 10 years now. I first met her when my wife and I were still dating in college. I dismissed my feelings because I figured it was just infatuation, but now I am 30 years old and I see her weekly and I still feel that feeling in my stomach when I see her. I know that I do truly love her. I could never hurt my wife though because she is such a wonderful person. I suppose I will have to just learn to live with it, but it is very hard, and sometimes I want to kill myself so that I won't have to live with the pain of unrequited love and guilt that I feel any longer.

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A male reader, Dave128 United Kingdom +, writes (20 January 2009):

I too love my sister in law. I fantasize about her all the time. It's mainly a sexual thing as I can't imagine I'd leave my wife nor her her husband.

We have flirted in the past and sometimes I think she's serious but then nothing becomes of it.

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A male reader, Dave128 United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2009):

I've been in love with my sister-in-law for almost 30 years - she doesn't know, but I wish I could tell her. I married her sister 20 years ago and she was married about 5 years ago to a man she met because she didn';t want to get on the shelf. I dream about her and masterbate fantasinng were making love virtually every day. I think I love her more than my wife. This is not some pervervter fantasy. Writing this I now know I really love her, but I still don't know how to tell her.

Neither of them know how I feel, but I wish I could tell them.

I suspect my wife knows because of things she's said - she even stated I hadn't to try and shag her sister when she stayed at outr house once - I nealy did too. How can she hate me for loving her family? I don't remotely fancy her other sister who looks even more like my wife - same hair colour and body shape (very slim and sexy but not the girl I love).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

I too know how you feel. I wouldn’t even been to think that I am in love with my sister-in-law, but in the same respect I can not stop thinking about her and what might have been. See, she is my wife’s older sister and initially my wife was dating my buddy and she was supposed to set me up with her sister, but she didn’t. She, (my wife) being as fickle as always decided not to even tell me about her sister and then proceeded to break it off with my buddy and wanted to date me. I thought this was ok with my friend, because I thought they were done. No, as I found out later she just dumped him. This caused a falling out with my friend who decided to move.

By now we had been dating for a while and I realized that my now wife struggled with many emotional problems. Witch should have been a sign, but I felt sorry for her and wanted to (for some reason) to take care of her. To make a long and painful story (and marriage) short we now have two kids and 8 years together.

Lately I know the fire of our relationship is down to almost nothing. I have tried many times and ways to help it. But, she refuses any outside help. I have been nothing but supportive through all her bad choices; job changes, whole career changes, just a complete mis-management of her life. I have always been there with the reliable career. I have been pretty much an only parent. She always wanted nothing to with being mother. She wanted to be a mom not a mother.

So I got used to taking care of the; kids, house work, yard work literally everything. All on top of a 50+ hour work week. But, I just figured it was easier than a divorce and split home for the kids.

But here lately, it’s been so painfully obvious to me what wonderful woman her sister is. She has been the most amazing wife and mother (I’ve noticed) over the years. She got involved (and pregnant) with my now brother-in-law. But he was horrible, I had no respect for him. He was verbally abusing, would constantly go into rages and break her things, he wouldn’t let her work but rarely gave her money. He would never tell her that he loved her. He wouldn’t even marry her, but he had to or his insurance wouldn’t cover their second child. So he just had a judge to marry them. Romantic huh. He also would have nothing to do with his kids, which made me the most mad. She has been nothing short of the perfect, respectful (even though she shouldn’t have been) wife and mother. I felt so sorry for her.

Anyway, we as families have been spending a lot more time together. With joint vacations, camping and picnics. And of course, it’s just been her and her kids because her husband won’t have anything to do with the rest of the family. And I just can’t stop thinking about her. She is everything I wanted in a wife and person. And it’s not a sexual thing, I respect her too much just to think about that. It’s everything else. Maybe, it’s me but she always over-thanks me for the things I do help out. She always makes comments to me that she wished her husband would the things I do, as far as cooking and house chores and what not. I always figured it was because of way my brother-in-law was. But, recently, her and her kids stayed with us because her husband was out of town. She usually does this, because she does not like being alone.

But this time was some how so different. The way she would look and talk to me, and the comments….just more intense I guess. She seemed to notice how more her kids had warmed up to me, considering the father figure they had. We even stayed up talking until two in the morning, and that has never happened.

It has just been driving me crazy for the past two weeks. I can’t stop think about her. I can’t sleep or eat well. I’m having trouble concentrating at work. I even broke down on morning when I heard a love song on the radio, and all I could think of was her.

Now, it’s not a physical attraction. Because, my both she and my wife are very good looking. They are less than a year and sometimes are mistaken as twins. So, it’s nothing like that. I like women on personality.

I would never dream of telling this to my sister-in-law unless she gave me some super obvious sign. Because I think she is much like me, it that we both resigned ourselves to being the role of the reliable and supportive spouse, and to be there for our children until the end. But it is comforting to know that I am not alone in my daily pain and despair.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008):

I too am in love with my SIL and she's in love with me. We first expressed our feelings for each other over a year ago. I was single at the time and my bro and her have 3 kids together. We never went passed a simple peck once or twice as my morals kept me under control. We did meet up for dancing once and had a couple heartfelt emails with each other, but the physical stuff never transpired. Unfortunately, for us, we sort of "got caught" by my brother and stuff was messed up for quite sometime and I went from seeing/talking with her almost everyday to once a week if lucky. After all that, I found a girlfriend and done my best to move on. Recently, we've gained my brother's trust to see each other by default and my SIL and I had a few talks and we're still in love with each other. But what are we supposed to do? My "new" relationship with my girlfriend is awesome and she's really the greatest thing to ever happen to me. My SIL isn't happy in her marriage, but that's a problem I wish I could help, but can't. We both have to just move on. To me, my SIL is the greatest woman on earth and I'll love her until the day I die. But all I can offer her is my love. That's it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008):

The lady who wrote that obsessions come and go all your life is so right. I was obssessed but luckily did nothing about it. Coming out the other side, I kep my wife and children and ended up with a good friend in her sister.

A much longer lasting and deeper relationship that I could ever have hoped for.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008):

well ive been with my wife for 10 years we have a 6 year old boy my wife has just found her half sister they havent seen each other for 20 years i was chatting on msn one night to my sister in law while my wife was in bed and she sent me a pik of her now hair do only she sent the wrong pik it was of her breasts so i made a comment on them (huuummm nice love what about your hair though) from then on we txt everyday sent piks to each other and then she came to stop for the weekend this is where it went wrong my wife was downstairs in the seller kitchen and i was half asleep upstairs my sister in law got on top of me and started snogging me i responded by snogging her too i must say it was good but my wife came in and cought us the s*it hit the fan iam love my wife but my sister in law is horny like me i think we should have a 3some lol but still trying to talk the wife into it bless her

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008):

I am the WIFE in this situation. I have been married for 20 years, two kids, totaly faithful and would have loved my husband to the end. However he has been flirting with his brothers wife for some time now, and recently I have found a lot of evidence that proves its more than that, text messages, phone calls, he goes to see her at her home alone etc...

How foolish I have been. I certainly don't want a husband who wants to be with someone else. If he had have told me about this earlier, we could have both moved on respectfully. Now that I have found out that this has gone on behind my back, I don't hate him, but I don't want anything to do with him anymore. This has completely destroyed our families which used to spend every party, BBQ, Xmas, Birthday, Anniversary, you name it, any occassion we could find to get together. Now we never see each other anymore.

My advise to you would be:

( 1.) Its a tough problem you have if your brain isn't strong enough to rule your body and your penis takes over, so have a wank while thinking of your sister in law. In the next crutial moments when your brain takes some power back to think, try to assess how much damage there will be if you go ahead with this.

( 2.) If you are OK with the assessed percentage of damage and you do want to go ahead with this then tell your wife you want to separate because she is fat and you don't love her anymore. At least she will respect that you had the balls to tell her.

( 3.) Move out, not forgetting that if you do end up with your sister in law, the pressure will be on because if you think that much of yourself and you put on a bit of weight she may well leave you for someone thinner. Then you will be fat, alone and your ex wife will have moved on while your penis was ruling your life.

( 4.) All this sarcasm, look if you don't respect your wife anymore why are you with her. Talk to her about it and leave her, she might suprise you and be happy about you leaving, but don't leave her because you think you want to be with your sister in law. Obsessions come and go and will do your whole life, get used to it...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008):

i feel you guys i am too in love with my sister in law.. i mean i probably will never tell her but it is more thanjust sexual attraction i feel for her... of course i want to fullfill all my sexual fantasies with her but i just cant bare it anymore... i go to sleep thinking of her.. i wake uo thinking of her... she has caught me sometimes checking her out but says nothing,.. she know i got the hot for her but im scared i will loose her somehow. what do i do

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007):

i totally understand i live with my sister in law with my wife and son i have fantasies about her and have been for years my wife knows i fell in love with her but she thinks it was a phase and it is over in a letter i wrote her after a fight me and my sis in law had i told her that at one point i was in love with her i think it freaked her out but she was flattered at the same time i know she has been attracted to me in the past but i have not made a move and most likely wont

i have to accept the fact that that cant happen and you should too

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A male reader, madman??? United Kingdom +, writes (17 December 2007):

I'm to in love with my sister-in-law.

Suddenly that happen.

I was a bit scared to talk about it with her, because she likes (just likes) a brother-in-faith, but I decided to go bit by bit.

Every single night I dream about her.

Then that was my first step.

I told her: I have had a dream about you!

She just smile.

but I said. That was the number 1000.

A thousand times I had a dream about you.

and just leave the place where I was.

Now she knows at least I dream about her.

Next step is to tell her I'm not happy with her sister.

And the next is to say to her how much I love her.

I been marriage before, had two kids, than split up.

I met my actual wife on a swimming pool. She was with her young sister. My brother marriage her old sister.

My sister-in-law is just like me. We like the same sort of music, computers, blogs, orkut, msn space, and things like this. And be irresponsible a lot. lol.

I just love her. It's not just sex. Sex I have with my wife. I want to be with her. Maybe I give up my marriage, and ask her out. I don't know. I just don't know.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

I've been married to my wife for almost 6 years. we had a lot of trouble before we wed but things seemed to smooth out in time for the ceremony. it was great for a couple years. then she tricked me ,so to speak, into having a second child which I didn't want. it was around that time that she had slipped back into her old habits, putting a strain on our relationship yet again. during all of this her sister and I became best friends after we both began to smoke pot together. it wasn't long after that,that I became infatuated with her and soon I felt like I was in love with her. moreso than I ever felt with my wife. shes the prettiet thing I've ever seen and she has the best personality ever. we jus click I guess. plus shes redheaded jus like my wife and that's a big plus for me because I have a thing for redheads. I don't know what to make of the deal because everythings so erratic. sometimes we'll stare at each other for several minutes and just smile. I feel like were connected but I'm afraid to tell her my true feelings for fear that she will end our friendship. but she is simply irresitable. I want her more than life itself but I still love my wife in many ways and I don't want to destroy my family(we have two boys). but the fact still remains that I think about her night and day. I feel so weird for feeling that way about her. like I'm some perverted freak. but my feelings for her are so definite now that I can't fight them off. recently she moved in with us because of problems at home and it has been the best thing ever. but at the same time the very thing that tempts me so much is in front of my face more than ever. ill see her coming out of the shower or walking down the hall with a skimpy tank top showing her belly and I become overwhelmed with emotions. I know I don't just want sex. I just want a kiss to know if she cares for me at all. the funny thing is, I've never cheated on my wife and said I never would but my wife has accused me of doing just that twice before. I felt so untrusted. now that I want to, I feel like my wife sort of deserves it after falsely accusing me before when I was totally against the idea. its all very weird and I really need some helping words.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007):

Sometimes you just marry the wrong person, men and women have affairs when this type of thing happen, just because you conect with someone allbeit your brothers wife does not make it wrong, especailly if she conects with you.

what you have to remember is that regardless of the title of sister inlaw she is still a person with her own identity and personallity which you love regardless.

however if i was you i think you should say something to her like, " i really care for you, love you, and wish i eas with someone like you" and then leave it and get on with you life with your family.

this way you have put the ball in her court and she knows she can have you whenever she wants, which oneday she might take you up on this offer, thats what i have done with my brothers wife, whilst she has not commited in any way i know that if or when the times comes she will be with me. and she is that good i will wait forever for that to happen, good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007):

I am in the same boat. I am 46, and my sister in law is 39. She has two kids and so have I. I had a roll with my wife one time, and I seek her out for comfort. In her car (during office lunch time, we had barely a precious 30 minutes), I hugged her and told her I think of her every day. She seemed delighted to know that she is been admired, but I cannot read anything further than that. We didi not do anything else besides hugging, and I somehow felt that she hugged me in return just to comfort me. It seemed like an obligatory hug.

But that precious 30 minutes which happened two years ago still lingers in my mind. Ever since that time, we never didi anything else and neither have I talked anything more about how I felt for her. By the way, I never failed to call her in the office to say happy birthday to her every year for the past four years. She is always on my mind, day and night.

But the fear of losing my two lovely kids if this thing becomes know is holding me back. My wife... I will never do anything to hurt her, though she has been nasty to me at times (Her family always rank above me).

I am in pain. What can I do. I look at her picture evry now and then (I cut her out from a family snapshot). Maybe I will never ever have a chance to do anything more than just pretending, whenever I see her, that no special feelings exist). She knows that I crave for her, but do woman take the initiative if they want something?

She stayed over at our place a month ago after a roll with her husband. He hit her with a punch to her arm. It wasn't anything serious, but the fact that the rascal hit her just bothers me (Otherwise when he is sane, he is okay, a responsible dad, to be fair). I can't even protect her.

Help me... I feel such a greta vaccuum inside of me, so dried up and unloved. Does she like or even remotely love me. Any chance at all? Should I ask her out. If a woman in her situation give an excuse not to go out with me, should I pursue further?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007):

male reader me too i have fallen in love with my sister in love for the last 3 years .i really want to have sex with her but i dont know how to tell her.please help if you have any ideas.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007):

my brother in law is 16years older than me. we have had sex and spent loads of time together, he is a great guy but married to my sister, he is forever telling me that he is in love with me but i dont know if i actually believe him, part of me just thinks he wants to sleep with me. i dont know what to do, i am really tempted but i know it would destroy my sister as she has three kids with him and my family if anyone ever found out!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007):

I am longing to be my SIL's slave. She is strong, sexy and she despises me, because she knows that I am a weak character.

But that's making her even more attractive for me. So she

is playing the game with me: look, sucker, you can't have

me. And that is turning me on and on and on and on.

I am sure if I could have her it wouldn't be that hot.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007):

Go for it. I am in the same boat. I want to nail her so bad that I get hard thing about it.Try it and see if its any good and go from there. Mine is my wifes sister.I would just like to know if she is any good.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2007):

well just go for it if she sais no well she just doesnt love you but you will never know if you dont try

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007):

I think i'm in love with my SIL & i don't know what to do.

I met her when i started dating her sister 10 years ago before we eventually got wed. She's married to someone who takes her for granted, never helps out around the house & i've always had a 'soft' spot for her & looked out for her.

We've always been quite close but recently we are getting closer & i can't stop thinking about her.

We walk our dogs together so we talk about all sorts of things..but she's started to show what i think is more affection....like she might stroke/touch my arm when we are talking about something because we mention something amusing, she also confides in me (says i'm a great listener) & something happened during christmas when everyone was round at our house so it was tight for space, when we passed each other we touched hands but we both reached out as we passed so we were touching hands/fingers for longer as we passed....

Is it just me or does she have the same feelings as me from all/any of these actions mentioned? I look in her eyes & i'm wondering if she feels the same..i really want to kiss her but what if i'm wrong & it's just all in my head? It's driving me nuts? I can't stop thinking about her!

Does anybody think she has the same feelings?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007):

If it is sex you are looking at with your SIL then trust me you will eventually get bored after you bang her a few hundred times. If it is purely love then go for it with a proviso that no sex atleast for first 6 months of dating and if you both remain in love still, then all's fair in love and war as they say. But no wham bams and quickies with relatives as you will fall in the moral abyss.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (8 January 2007):

eyeswideopen agony auntOnce again we have a poster who isn't remotely interested in getting any advice. Not sure he's even looking for approval, but maybe just getting off posting his situation. How tiresome.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007):

Well, I love my sister in law, and unlike Dr Ravenscroft assumption, she isn't my brother's wife, she's my brother-in-laws wife - but that still makes her my SIL.

She's had a few affairs which her hubby has caught her out on, and my wife has her self a few affairs from work which I have found out about. My wife has always blamed her figure on "Baby weight", but our youngest daughter is thirteen, and my wife is a bountiful 20+ stone... I think the cream cakes etc are the real reason...

Me and my Sister-in-law have a very special relationship, both with children involved, but one which will continue in private for as long as possible. And when the truth comes out, at least we can state that both our spouses were the first to cheat.. but we bless them for bringing us together.

So basically, if your spouse is cheating on you, and your sister in laws spouse is cheating - then befriend her, she needs it and so do you!

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A male reader, agu30 +, writes (11 December 2006):

I to once have feeling for my sister in law when I was a little younger. I was about in my early 20s when this sudden lust occured.However if you repect your brother you will end this now.I belive that this is all in your mind.I think this is a act of jealously noless maybe you think your sister in law is better then your wife and you may even catch yourself comparing them however this is not always the case it could just be that your jealous of your brother and want his wife instead or feel a need to try to woe her away from your brother and atempt to prove something for yourself.But please listen to me when I say you must stop this it is very easy to stop thinking about her when you think about your brother....only a low life would have a affair with his brothers wife.

Good Luck,

Dr.Ravenscroft

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A male reader, dorfmeistersfan +, writes (2 December 2006):

dorfmeistersfan agony auntWhen you told your sister in law you had a fantacies of her....how did she react? what words did she use to respond to you?

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A male reader, whitetie +, writes (1 December 2006):

Dear Lustful.

Many men feel trapped in various relationships be it dating or marriage.

Your sister in law is not in love with you, she loves your brother. You are married with children. You should just forget about your S.I.L ad focus on rekindling the romance in your relationship. Many women feel very insecure about their "baby weight". The weight is easy to shead but a marriage and family is devastating to lose. You have to focus on your wife and forget about your brothers!!!!

You obviously fell in love with your wife, and from that love came a child. Rescept your family and yourself, forget about your sister in law. Rekindle your romance with your wife.

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