A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend (of 11 months) yesterday. I went through his cell phone (something that I really hate and very unlike me) and found msgs to other girls. I found the same type of msgs in January and confronted him about it. He said he was sorry, didn't mean to hurt me, and thought it wasnt that serious. I got over it over time and we were back to normal. But I just got a feeling again that something wasnt right. So thats when I went through his phone again. Well, after I found the msgs yesterday, I grabbed all the stuff I bought for him (that I could find) and attempted to leave. He saw me leaving with a bag (he was out front playing basketball) and ran over to the car. He kinda followed my car, screaming my name. Then he called me multiple times until I answered. I cursed at him (really badly), called him a liar, told what I found in his phone (again), told him that he was nothing, and to never call me again. He hung up in my face (he was VERY upset). Now I think I may have overreacted... Im sure he hasnt cheated on me (yet)but I really want to talk about the situation. I love him and want to at least maintain our friendship, but dont know where to start.. Should I call him? Or wait for him to call me (if he does)??? Where should I go from here?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 If you want to solve this problem quickly ,
call him out and then talk to him about it.
Apologize if you felt you have over reacted or wrong.
If he does not want to talk to you or come out to talk ,
try another time on another day.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Without knowing the content of the messages it is hard to judge, but it sounds like they are very incriminating. What I'm saying below assumes that they are clearly sexual messages, or very flirtatious.
If so, don't call him, and don't wait for him to call. Don't have anything more to do with him. You now can't go back... if you do he will take it as a signal that he can mess around and that you will forgive him. Meaning he'll keep on doing it.
For his benefit you need to leave him so he learns it's not ok to treat women like this.
For your benefit you need to leave him because he will cheat on you and break your heart.
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 You're not being very clear - what /kind/ of messages were they? Generic 'Hi how are you' messages, or 'hey sexy babe wanna hook up' kind of messages?
If they are just friendly, conversational messages, you need to realize that it's quite possible for your boyfriend to have friends who are girls - this does not mean he is cheating on you.
If they are 'hey sexy babe' type messages, then that is something you need to talk to him about.
Either way, the fact that you continued to look through his messages, even though you say you hate that, and that you say he hasn't cheated on you 'yet', indicates to me that you may have some trust issues.
Don't wait for him to call you - you call him. Talk it out, explain to him what has made you so upset, and why it has done that. See what happens. Keep us posted.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Texts from other girls can only mean one thing, he is cheating. Sure you love him, but he doesn't love you. Leave him and find someone better.
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