A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started talking to a girl and we hit it off straight away. We began talking as if we were together, everything got stressful, it was too much.We stopped speaking for a bit, to which she proposed we could be together in the future and whatnot. Time passed. We started speaking again. She is very up and down. She changes her mind often. My friends said I should let it all go. I still care a lot. Whenever we speak it is ALWAYS on her terms. I hate feeling like it's always up to her. I bought her a present to let her know I was thinking about her. She liked it and said I had made her day special. That is what I had wanted! She seemed happy, and I was also pleased that it went down well.Fast forward another month, we were speaking but mid conversation, when I started to talk about myself she stopped replying. This is what she does and I don't understand WHY. It is so upsetting for me because I have done so much for her, I am always there for her and she knows I care. Maybe she sees that I care too much so she plays games with me but it upsets me beyond belief.What do I do because I am really upset about this? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): This is the OP. Thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate it.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 January 2016):
 She doesn't want love from you, she sounds like she keeps you where she wants you to boost her own egos. But she doesn't want to get to know you as a person or hear stories about you.
I think you know already that this doesn't feel right. I am totally aware that you have feelings for her, and its frustrating and upsetting, but the longer this goes on the harder it is going to be. I think you just need to tell her its all or nothing, and if she doesn't change, show her the door, you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 January 2016):
 I think she believes she got you RIGHT where she wants you, and that is with HER in charge and you playing along.
That doesn't sound like a caring or happy relationship.
Maybe it's because she is immature, but those kind of manipulation tactics are not those of a person who deep care for you. You are just convenient for her. And she is WASTING your time if you ARE looking for a loving relationship. I think you know that.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 January 2016):
 Playing games is what people usually do when one of them cares too much to drive the other away. So it's advised to tune it down to make the other miss you. I've never heard people playing games when you are already wearing your heart on your sleeve. It's a different game. It's a game that only she wins. Her objective is to make you stay at a level that you have to win her over and over again. It's an endless pit that never stops. Once you are an equal it's useless because she thinks that's when men stop pursuing and she loses power.
There are indeed women who expect men to treat them like a princess, to wine and dine them, bring presents every time. Otherwise don't bother contacting them. She doesn't want a relationship. She wants eternal courtship. The only thing she would give you is an approval pat, like thank you, you made my day. Something similar to giving a dog a treat when it behaves well.
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