A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid i need some advice on my marriage i usually have pretty good judgement when it comes to problems but in my marriage what seems like the right thing to do leaves me feeling not at ease and unwilling to give up. you see I've been married for several months now and before i was married i was living with my now husband for 3 months for those 3 months he was not working and trying to find a job so i was the one paying for everything he and i both needed.while we were living together 2 days before the wedding i found out i was pregnant .so naturally i kept working until my doctor began to see some signs of concern.since then I've been having to relay on money i had saved and on my husband who since we got married left to work up state . everything seemed fine at first and when my savings began running low i made it clear to him that i needed money for my up coming doctors visit one month in advance .He seemed to understand but then days came and went and still he sent me nothing .so of course i was upset and i told him over and over again don't forget and all he'd do is give me the excuse that he was tired or that he feel asleep ,hes sorry and i couldn't get a ride .Now my doctors visit is tomorrow and as usual i'm waiting for him to see if maybe now he'd come threw but as usual he sent me a text saying he couldn't .he told me to ask my parents for money and i was upset i mean its his responsibility not there's to pay for my doctors appointment they themselves need to pay for things .i had told him before i resigned that if he couldn't take care of me or the baby to let me know so i could do it myself he assured me he could but hes been paid twice already and i have yet to see any of it go toward helping me pay for any of the baby's things or anything .he told me he loved me and not to give up on him that he will come through but to be honest its been 5 months and i'm about ready to just give up on him and do it on my own. its hard because my parents are disappointed in him and tell me that i should just get a divorce that its more then obvious he doesn't want to help and as it is his job requires him to be away for months at a time he recently told me that hes giving up seeing me for the 10 day vacation he gets to stay and work. so i haven't seen him for 6 months last i saw him was 4 days after our wedding then he left . There's other women who's husbands are with mine and are doing the same work and they come visit every other weekend even if its for a couple of hours and i can't even get mine here and i'm pregnant it makes me feel so alone in this and sad but now i have to think about my son and the reality is i have to take care of him because no one else is going to not even his dad. should i just do this on my own like i plan on or should i wait a little longer and if so how long until its considered enough ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (28 October 2011):
 The longer you wait the more accustomed both of you will be to this unacceptable state of affairs and the harder it will be to change things in the future. He's already had several months.
I suspect, not that he's hording money, but that he doesn't have it to give you because he's been irresponsible with it.
For all intents and purposes he is fending for himself. You'll have to do the same. Your son needs at least one person he can rely on.
Don't go it alone though. You've got your family who love you (even if they might say 'I told you so'). Go ahead and do what you need to do now. You can always take your husband back later, AFTER he has changed.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2011):
 I feel very sorry for you, it sounds to me like your husband is a very selfish man and has used you up until now, if he loved you like he said he does well then he would be doing everything in his power to want to spend some time with you and also be sending you money to make your life more comfortable when you are pregnant. Am not sure why this man married you, but it sounds to me like he just used you to get through life when he had no money as you where paying for him and now it sounds like he is just not interested in you or his baby. I think you need to have a serious talk with him, tell him that either he shows you he is going to look after you or else you are getting a divorce. Tell him you are giving him a month to prove his love to you and if things don't change well then unfortunately I think the best thing to do is to forget about this waste of space and set up life alone for yourself and your son. Don't forget though by law he still needs to support his son when he is born so take him to the court if it goes that far and make sure you demand child support. I am so sorry you have to go through all of this and I wish you the best of luck in the future.
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