A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm a 20 year old female and I'm in my second year of college at a community college. Throughout my life (and even now) I'm struggling with being very overweight. I know it's my own fault that I'm overweight but I find it really hard to lose the weight even though I've tried many different things. It's something I've been dealing with my entire life and it's frustrating. I don't find myself physically attractive at all.Anyways, that's my first problem. My second problem is that me being very overweight causes me to be insecure and very shy with other people. Most of the girls at my college are very thin and beautiful and have outgoing personalities which obviously gets men's attention. I'm not like that at all. I don't have any friends and obviously no boyfriend because of my insecurities. I feel so lonely and out of place not only at my college but in life in general. I just feel like someone like me should have friends and a nice boyfriend, and should be happy and be having fun in life. And it really hurts me to know my life doesn't consist of any of this. I know the obvious way to help this is to lose weight but I've really been trying hard and it's not easy to do. I'm scared my life is going to continue down this road. Does anyone have any tips or advice for someone who is struggling so much with losing weight? Any advice or comments about any of my issues are very appreciated. Thank you all.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 March 2014):
 Dear OP,
I used to weigh 300 pounds (at 5'2") and I had gastric bypass 4.5 years ago. It's not a miracle and I still have to work hard at maintaining my loss but it makes the mindset so much easier to manage.
That being said, there are things that have to be done to maintain or lose.
you need to MOVE... being very overweight can be very overwhelming... and moving is the last thing you want.
It does not have to be big at first... the mere fact that you carry excess weight will burn MORE calories than when you are thinner.
Here is my advice:
MOVE... ten minute walks 3 times a day. to start. that's it. just walk for ten minutes. once you are moving increase the time and or speed... eventually you may want to look at the couch to 5k program.
drink NO calories. that means do not drink juice or soda with sugar (diet soda while calorie free is also not great for you on a health level but one thing at a time...so many young folks have soda addictions now... if you have one... switch to diet soda... if you are already doing diet soda... then we need to wean you off of soda) I HATE water but i Need fluids so I have permission to count any NON-caffeine drink as fluids.. herb tea, crystal light, Vitamin water zero... all of these count as fluids. my doc even lets me count decaf coffee as fluids...
FOODS: avoid all white things: white flour, white sugar, white rice, white potatoes.... move to whole grains.
There are several great diet plans out there..
Weight Watchers is probably the best for all around control....
but a Mediterranean diet is acceptable. I did very well quite easily for a time on South Beach Diet.
basically I would plan this:
8 full glasses of non-caloric non caffeine beverage a day... try your water warm or cold or room temp till you find what works. even if you have to get up and drink a glass like it's medicine...
vitamins... make sure you are getting a good multi vitamin daily. make sure to get decent B12 and also Iron is important for younger women. Do not take your iron with your other meds (space it apart by 2 hours)... also calcium and vitamin D are critical (please take them I did not take them as a young woman and I have permanent crippling disc disease because of it)
breakfast should be high protein eggs (a hard boiled egg is fine) oatmeal made with milk (add some nuts for crunch or cut up dried fruit for texture) DO NOT skip breakfast. IF You are not a morning eater (I am not) then you may replace breakfast with a high quality protein shake such as those the bariatric patients use.
morning snack: something easy... cheese stick or a handful of dry roasted or raw nuts...
lunch: get some veggies... and some protein... a bit of fat will help hold you over too.
snack: greek yogurt or other protein snack.. fruit is good if canned use those canned just in juice.
second snack or dinner again with protein I like veggies and hummus here....
dinner: veggie, meat/fish/chicken/ good carb (baked sweet potato, quiona, beans, or barley about 1/2 cup is plenty)
snack: something high protein to hold you over..
snacking is my downfall...
things to avoid: chips, pretzels, sugar....
also note that the more you weigh, the more you can eat at first and still lose...
if your eating habits are bad let's work first to change your food taste, once you like all the foods that are good for you we can move to smaller portions...
if you like to graze all day, that's fine but make sure that your portions are reduced to reflect the constant noshing...
feel free to PM me if you want to discuss this further.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): Look up the Paleo diet. Worked for me! And weight training with some walking everyday. Walk instead of running to burn fat instead of glycogen
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): Green tea can also help with weight loss.
You SHOULD be drinking 8 servings of water a day, but if you need something extra, green tea is a good option. Also, green tea frappe with mango instead of milk is a good menu item at coffee shops instead of fatty lattes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 March 2014):
 Read up on NON-ZERO system.
If you want to lose weight, then set a goal (but not crazy high) for your daily exercise. Like walk 45 min, go to the gym for an hour, go swimming, do workouts at home.
If you have a day where you are NOT feeling it, then DO 1 push up, go for a shorter walk (like take the stairs instead of elevator/escalator)
NEVER have days where you do ZERO.
If you want to make friend, MAKE a goal of talking to 1 new person EACH day. It can just be a hi, how are you? but then make yourself progress to more people, longer conversations.
NEVER have days where you do ZERO.
Having a calorie app is not a bad idea (an a food journal). As long as you stay TRUTHFUL to yourself. Don't go overboard with changing your diet overnight and DON'T use food as a reward. Drink a glass of water when you feel hungry and it's not around a meal time (it's actually easier to lose weight if you stick with 3 meals and 2 snacks - instead of eating less or trying to only eat 2 meals a day).
Give up coffee & soda. If water is boring buy the Mio water flavoring or Crystal light.
If you are bored, don't eat, drink a glass of water and go for a walk.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 March 2014):
 Oh yes, I have a great tip for you!
It's simple and scary all at the same time.
Simple: go see your doctor.
Scary: if you don't have a doctor and have all these worried feelings about seeing one and being lectured.
I like the Lose It! app. It keeps you honest. Calories in, exercise out. No specific diets. Move more, eat less. Not rocket science.
Go see your doctor! Be brave, girl, be brave! It may be the very best thing you ever did for yourself!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): Weight has nothing to do with making friends. Personality is what helps you to make friends. Being warm and friendly, and reaching out to people. Not hiding in shame, because of your weight.
You can't like other people; if you're too busy hating yourself. It's a turn off to people when they see someone always berating themselves; and complaining about their weight. Frowning in discomfort all the time. Awkward and fidgety when around slimmer people. It's your problem more than it's theirs.
I was out all day, and all I saw were average-looking people. Many were over-weight. Smiling and walking with their husbands, wives, kids, girlfriends, and boyfriends. I didn't see many "pathetic" over-weight people. The church had many chubby people at worship. They seemed pretty thankful and happy to me. No one seemed ignored or rejected for it.
You've convinced yourself your weight keeps you from making friends, and attracting boys. You spend all your waking moments and spare time being self-critical, and doing nothing about your "personality."
People will like you for being friendly, kind, loyal, and funny. That's hard to be when you're always down on yourself.
You only see people from the outside, and can't see beneath the skin. That is where the heart lies.
You think good-looks is going to guarantee you friends?
Super-models and gorgeous actors have committed suicide for the lack of true love and good friends, my dear! They abuse drugs and alcohol; because people only see their beauty. Not what goes on beneath their appearance. A heart crying out for someone to care about them like a person, and not a thing just to be admired.
People can't like you; because you don't like yourself. It's not all about your weight. Hating yourself makes you eat out of anxiety. You turn to food and sugar for the comfort hormones they produce.
You probably don't exercise for fear everyone is looking at you. You may have a disorder called body dysmorphic disorder. An obsession about your body-image. It is crippling you emotionally and socially. You may see things wrong with your body that others don't.
My dear, your parents should have taken you to see a doctor or a therapist long ago. You may have a social disorder that is preventing you from enjoying your youth and making friends. You see everyone superficially. That means, you base everything on the way people look; and how they look at you.
I don't care what you look like on the outside, you have to like yourself first.
You will always struggle with losing weight; until you realize that's not really your problem. It's what's going on inside your head. What you project to others through your actions and attitude. Not your looks.
If you're beautiful and mean, you'd be just as lonely and rejected. Then you'd claim everyone was just jealous?
If you commit to a diet, and keep your body active, you will maintain weight-loss. Unless you have glandular problems. That is why your oblivious parents should notice what's going on with you. Where the hell are they through all your pain? Are they just sperm and egg donors or what? Don't they see how unhappy you are?
If you have no personality, you will still be unable to make friends or get a boyfriend. What do you plan to do about that? I think you should work from the inside out.
Ask your parents to help you find a counselor to help you deal with your insecurities first. Find out where they come from, and how to deal with them. Meanwhile, there are books and local gyms all over the place.
You can read about health and nutrition, and learn to prepare your own healthy meals and snacks. You need to join clubs and participate in school social-activities to become familiar with people. Get used to being in public, just as you are.
The only reason you don't have friends or attract boys; is because you're in hiding. You don't know how to be a friend. You don't know how to open-up and see the good in people; that comes from the inside. You don't know how good you are; because you don't like the packaging.
You have a lot of work to do on your attitude. Not your body. See your doctor to rule out thyroid or other glandular diseases before anything else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014):
I used to be a big girl, my down fall is coca cola haha . The best way is you need to be determined to lose the weight.. But trying to stop everything will make you just jump of the band wagon .. The 5 days eating normal and two days dieting .. Is a really good diet.. The normal calorie intake on the dieting days is 500 hundred but for you I would begin at 1000 .. And slowly lower it over the next month..
Cut out as much pop ( juice) as you can on even your normal days I allow myself a soda at dinner time but I mostly drink water now..
Exercise as much as you can walking is good .. And then as your weight comes down your confidence will soar
Take care keep us posted ..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): First of all you are not alone , and secondly it can be resolved ! The more you worry about your weight , your self esteem and confidence disintegrates .
See your doctor for a healthy eating plan - but start with small changes ....even small of changes of eating your five a day fruit and veg will really boost your health and make you feel more positive.
How about dancing ? Salsa ? Ballroom ? All style of dance or zumba are ideal , building up fitness in a fun environment .
Beauty is from within remember that , and your self confidence and weight loss will be gradual ,,,but you will get there ! Good luck !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): Hi Op,
I'm a personal trainer in England. A bit of quick advice: First thing I'd recommend is exercise, try to run at least 20-30 minutes at a medium to high intensity atleast 5 x a week. If you'd rather exercise at home, I'd recommend doing circuits for 30 minutes 3 x a week which could consist of squats, press ups, running on the spot, sit ups, jumping Jak's etc. I'm sure there's probably websites/ YouTube clips that'll show you the correct way to do these exercises.
The above is providing you don't have any high blood pressure problems, otherwise, speak to your doctor before embarking on an exercise programme.
Dieting: - dieting isn't a good idea in my books, it's short term and a pain, & in a lot of cases people put the weight back on. So instead, I recommend making a few changes in your longterm eating habits.
1. Drink 8 pints of water everyday. You may be mistaking thirst for hunger when you eat sometimes.
2. Plenty of fruit and veg. These are natural, low fat foods packed full of things that do good to your body.
3. Portion control. Switch to diet bread (about 50 kcal a slice) these are low kcal and smaller in size than normal bread do fillings will be less too. Switch to low fat versions when possible in mayo, yoghurts etc. every time you want a snack get the smallest versions available, this means mini chocolate bars, kids sized crisps etc.
4. Chew eat bite you eat at least 10 times (this way you'll eat less by the time your body realises it's full)
5. Stop eating when you are full, don't eat out of boredom, or as a source of comfort, it'll make the problem worse.
Also OP, if I were you I would read some inspirational self help books, to help with your confidence and self belief.
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