A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there guys and guyesses! Well I am openly and surely gay, I have a boyfriend who i think the world of, but the thing is i still feel really uncomfortable with accepting myself as being gay. I mean when you get some friends who you haven't seen for a while and they ask you 'have you got a gf?' and you say no i am gay, it just feels awkward and uncomfortable. I mean i love my bf to pieces, im not saying that i dont or anything, but it's just the other day someone asked me if there would be one thing you could change in life what would it be? I answer something silly like eyes.. but i thought to myself later that i would change me being gay and make me into girls again. I mean is this right? Should i be thinking this? I know that i am not bi because i dont fancy girls, but i wish i could somehow change myself into liking girls again and not guys! Is this possible and if so how? Thanks to those who answer. RSpencer Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Star_07  +, writes (17 November 2008):
 I dont think gay men and women want to face all this stigma, discrimination, and hatred. Why would they want that for themselves as a matter of being cool or because they are trying to find their identity?
I think the lesbians you are referring to are actually bisexual. Maybe they thought it was for them at the time, maybe it was an experiment, maybe they really loved another woman? Who knows.
Trendy? I think not. Thats experimenting not necessarily gay. I know plenty of gay men that DO NOT have major depression and have accepted who they are. Maybe the difference here is AGE. This young man is 16 or 17. It might take some time for him to fully accept himself and come to terms with his sexuality.
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (15 November 2008):
 I know my take on things is not the popular though these days but I don't think you are born that way. I also think that people are still young and trying to find identity. I think its normal to have a crush on someone your same sex, but its also possible you can convince yourself that you are gay because its trendy.
I actually have known a lot of women who were big time lesbians BUT low and behold! They met a man that rocked their world, got all feminine, and all of them ended up getting married and having children.
I think everyone in the world today is confused about everything.
If you aren't comfortable about it. Sticking to the gay lifestyle will only pull you in deeper and from what all my gay men friends tell me, it can get really dark. All of them have major depression too.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (15 November 2008):
You can NOT make yourself like girls. I think that you either gay or not, it isnt a choice. Think about this way. Did I choose to be straight? NO. I am naturally attracted to men. And you are naturally attracted to men. There is nothing wrong with it. (So no, I dont agree with Teacake AT ALL.)
So, you have to have these uncomfortable moments when people ask if you have a girlfriend. Well, this is not your fault and nothing you should feel bad about. We live in a world where we ASSUME that everyone is straight UNLESS we are told otherwise. And this puts the burden on you that you have to explain yourself or feel awkward. The truth is, when you say, "Yes, I have a great partner, HIS name is...."
They are the ones that will feel stupid, Im sure. At least I would!
So try not to be so hard on yourself. Accept who you are and people that matter will accept you too!
Take Care!!
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (15 November 2008):
Hi R. I'm a straight female but I think being uncomfortable about it could perhaps indicate that you were molested as a child and might want to deal with all the shame and feelings of mistrust and betrayal that most often is the history of gay men and girls.
I'm on the side of thinking people ARE NOT born gay, but that something emotional and psychological happened early on.
The important thing is to be happy with who you are in general. If you are uncomfortable there's a reason and only you can figure that out with a therapist.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (15 November 2008):
I dont think its possible, alot of people with they could change things about themselfs but they just cant. Perhaps you will grow into your skin eventually and feel more comfortable. I can understand why you feel embarrest, but you dont have to be. You are who you are if people dont like it then they are not worth knowing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): What do you mean by being into girls "again"? You are either gay or you are not!
If you are gay then be proud to be gay as the Tom Robinson band said.
If you are not loud and proud then you are not gay!
I am not gay but my son is and I have no problem with that.
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