A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm upset because I looked at my bf's history and found that he had looked at youtube clips of women. They weren't nude but were huge busted women wearing bikinis and lingerie. He feels very bad about upsetting me and feels bad that it's such a big deal to me - though it wasn't a big deal to him. He uses youtube a lot to watch history, punk and gang violence and said he just clicked on those clips when they they showed up on the side without thinking, and that it was just a distraction from the heavy stuff he was watching and also curiousity on what youtube allows. He said it wasn't a big deal to him and he watched each clip for a few seconds and can't even remember what he watched. Seeing how much it upset me, he doesn't want to do it anymore and says it's not even important to him.When I expressed my insecurities, he said that I "hold up" to the women on there and that I'm "pretty big" (b-cup) and I know he's attracted to me because he always wants to have sex with the lights on and is always looking at and playing with my boobs and butt. He also said that I'm the only woman and body type he wants and he wouldn't trade anyone in the world for me.He is a good guy and doesn't ogle women and even when he was single he didn't look at porn but I still feel insecure that he would be looking at women who are so much more endowed (probably surgically) and I'm not sure how to get over it. I keep seeing the images of the clips in my mind and feel very depressed and obsessive about it (the irony is that he doesn't even remember what he watched). I had b.f.'s in the past who were addicted to porn and unfaithful and this is a different guy but it still brings up all those bad feelings I had about myself. How do I get rid of these feelings and move on so I can have a healthy relationship with a genuinely good guy?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): In dutch we got a saying "jammer tieten" (pity titties). If you cup the breast in your hand then everything that falls outside it is a pity. (it sounds better in dutch)The point is, your titties are the ones he is playing with. We may look dreamingly at a Ferrari but the car we wash each saturday is our Ford. The problem is MOSTLY you (unless he starts asking you to take breast implants) being insecure about your breasts.So let me try to explain why a man thinks when he sees various sizes of breasts.A Cup: Boobies!B Cup: Boobies!C Cup: Boobies!D Cup: Boobies!E Cup: Boobies!Yes there are men who really have a fetish for a certain type/size of breast just as some woman crave a man with certain attributes, but most men simple think "Boobies!" and that is it.Study after study have shown that female insecurities about their body are solely in the mind of the females inquestion.The most obvious example is shoes. Women spend a small fortune on them, men don't even LOOK at them, you can track a persons eye movements and it has been shown that when looking at a female men do NOT look the the feet/shoes. It simply is NOT part of the scan. Yet women will buy 20 different pairs to look good for men. Most men care NOT about the size of your boobs unless they really are on the extreme ends of the scales. And remember, large breasts can be a turnoff for men as well.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): My boyfriend was similar but I began to say things like "Tony at work said how nice my hair looked today - I thought that was really sweet of him." He said nothing but I could tell by the look on his face that I was being made to feel good by other guys and he didn't like it (even if I had just made it up) but the point is sometimes they need a smack between the eyes to realise these kind of things damage your esteem. Sit down and have a look on the internet about make-overs - I did this recently and got some great tips. I re-vamped my wardrobe on a tight budget and bought some new make-up and indulged in the way I looked. I found such pleasure in doing this that I didn't care whether my guy looked at big small or medium breasts. One more point and I know this is a wake-up call but..... I worked on a lingerie department once as a manager. The women in tears in the fitting room were the ones who had to wear really giant bras with huge bulky straps that dug in their shoulders. Over sized breasts are not always practical or comfortable and some women will go for breast reductions. The other women were those who had been for surgery to remove a breast or both during cancer treatment. Whenever I have felt bad for the size of my breasts or even mildly inadequate I remember the scars I witnessed and the devastation of those women and I am just glad for each day that my breasts are healthy and whole. Be proud and look after yourself.
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Dont make a big deal out of it unless it continues. And it doesnt really matter porn is enertainment, and isnt cheating to watch it, it can be consided by some to be cheating if they maturbate to it tho. Also he may have just been curious about the diffrence between sizes if he has never seen the diffrent sizes. And he could very well like you size better after checking it out. Some like smaller or medium breasts over large or huge breasts.
Im odd i guess i will go for any size if i really like the person, they can be small or large. But i prefer medium. B or C breasts. Once they get so big it becomse a turnoff for me.
But some people are sickened by large breasts actually.
I hope this made u feel better.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, Escalaya +, writes (5 February 2008):
 This probably won't help much, but remember that when it comes down to it at the end of the day, you're the one whom he goes home with.
They're videos, it's like watching a movie, it doesn't mean you want to be the person in the movie, just means that it interests you.
Shit, I like porn, do I want to have sex with half the girls I see in porn? No, not really. I'd much rather have my girlfriend. I'm sure it's the same way for him.
I'm sure you're a beautiful young woman, don't be hard on yourself!
One love
~ Escalaya
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