A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 2 years have spent the last 4/5 months very much on off. We initially broke up 4 months ago because we started back at uni and he was spending none of his time with me, with all his free time dedicated to going out with his friends, and only seeing me when it suited him. Despite the fact that I know he was treating me poorly seeing as we'd been together for so long, it left me incredibly upset and hurt. A couple of weeks after the initial break up he said he thought it had all been a mistake, and wanted to give us another shot. I agreed, which in hindsight was probably not a good idea. We were good for about a week then he went back to his old ways, and became really distant and not himself. After a month of trying to make it work we broke it off again. He said that he wanted to enjoy his student life, and effectively I was preventing him from doing that, which really hurt me, as all I wanted was for him to give some more of his time to me, I was never asking for him to give up his social life and enjoy uni. We spent a month broken up, then he messaged and said he wanted to talk. He told me that he'd been going through some depression and that he believed that had been why he was being distant and not wanting to commit to me. He said he wanted me back, and that he wanted to get back to where we were. We've been back together for the last couple of weeks, but I'm just so concerned that we'll go another couple of weeks then he'll be back to wanting to go out all the time and not commit some of his time to me. We're about to go home for Christmas (we go to the same uni so when we go home for the holidays we're about 4 hours apart) and I just don't know if staying with him is the best thing for me. I love him to bits and the fact that he's been feeling so low is really concerning for me too, but I still don't know if he's prepared to be in the sort of relationship I want to be in.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 December 2017):
 Honestly it sounds from your post that this relationship has run its course. He sounds like he is very confused and doesn't know what he wants at the moment. Off course that is not fair on you. Generally when a relationship is on and off like this it only means one thing and that is that it is not working out. Some people stay on and off for years and then wonder why they done it to themselves. If you are left wondering if he is going to be the one for you then you have answered your own question really. It seems he cares about you but he also wants to enjoy college life as a single guy.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (10 December 2017):
 If you have to ask this question I think deep down you know it's not going to work.
Relationships should be fluid and natural not having to force things and wonder how things are going or what state it's going to be in in the near future.
I think when a couple breaks up for the first time it can never gon back to what it used to be. There's always that reason why things broke down and it will never entirely go away. In all honesty I think this one has probably run its course and it would be better for you both to part ways and find someone where you don't have to ask questions like this.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (10 December 2017):
Haven't you asked about this guy before? The only way you are going to know is if he changes his behaviour. If he's willing to stay in with you and seems happy then you know it's possible he wants what you do. If he reverts to type, starts going out with friends then that isn't the behaviour of a depressed man and its the fact the fact that he is stuck between resenting you for keeping him from doing what he wants to do and missing you that is making him sad. Just because he misses you doesn't mean all will be well, as he might not miss you more than going out with his friends. There's no crystal ball, and now you're apart for a couple of weeks at Christmas so there'll likely be a good patch afterwards. Only time will tell. Good luck, but stop flip flopping- the uncertainty is more miserable than anything else.
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