A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy a year ago and we had instant attraction and started seeing each other. We were just sleeping together and hanging out for 2 months and got along really well but he was holding back a bit. We stopped seeing each other cause he wasnt over his ex who really hurt him and he was meant to be moving away. We stayed friends and he ended up not moving away and he wanted me back but I was in a relationship at the time so I didnt. We slept together at the end of last year once but it didnt happen again cause we didnt want to ruin our friendship. He has always been there for me and supported me through everything from family dramas to breakups and other things and iv supported him through a lot as well. We are best friends now but we have always had the attraction and cant help but flirt at times...even when I was in a relationship with someone else, I still got a little jealous when he was with other girls. Iv been single for a while now and we have been getting closer...we saw each other in town the other night and he got jealous of other guys talking to me and was being over protective. We went home together and talked. He said that he doesnt know what we are doing and said we should be together and see where it goes because we are kidding ourselves that we are just friends. We slept together that night and he held me tight all night and was being really sweet and loving the next morning. I dropped him home and he sent me a cute text and now hes gone distant on me all of a sudden. Maybe he got cold feet about it or something. I havent heard from him for nearly 2 days and he hasnt txt me back. Im just going to give him space and let him contact me when hes ready. I want to be with him and im hoping that what he said was true and not just drunk words.
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best friend, drunk, flirt, his ex, jealous, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): YouWish is right OP, it's been a year and this guy has done nothing but string you along. He used you as a rebound in the beginning. Tried to get you while you in a relationship, flirts and gets cozy with you regardless of whether you have a boyfriend or not. Get's jealous when you talk to other guys yet won't take the next step with you, decides when drunk it would be a good idea to fuck you and talk about having a relationship and now he's ignoring you?
OP what kind of friend is this guy? I don't care how much he helps you with family stuff and things like that. When all is said and done he's picked you up, fucked you then thrown you away lots of times. Is that how friends treat each other? They fuck with each others emotions like that yeah? Don't give me this "he can't help himself" bullshit either OP he's an adult and needs to grow up.
I bet you a 100 bucks (and I'll even PM my bank account details :P) that he'll come back and spout some shit about making a drunken mistake. He doesn't know what he wants, he values you too much as a friend, he's really sorry, you deserve better than to be treated this way, yada-yada-yada.
The truth of the matter is OP, this guy has major issues. Kind of funny that he only really wants you when other men are hovering around you isn't it? You see you were single for quite a while, yet he hasn't so much as stole a kiss from you, yet when he sees other guys talking to you he flips out and jumps into bed with you and now he's probably going to go back to the "I don't know what I want, I really like you but I don't want to ruin the friendship" crap.
Now I could be wrong, he may just be getting over his hangover and was serious in what he said. But his pattern of behaviour is one of a guy who is using you. Now if the above is wrong and he's ready for a relationship then fine, he has to step up and can't play hot and cold anymore. If he tries to worm his way out of this OP and go back on what he said then that has to be the final time you get hurt by his inconsistent crappy behaviour. A person who only wants you when you seem to be getting with someone else is a horrible, horrible person regardless of how good they may seem in other ways, that's not a person you will have a healthy relationship with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): He never said he wanted to be in a relationship with you. He just was saying he wanted to be able to continue having sex with you, wherever that might lead. I can tell you all that means is you will remain his back up between other girls. How flattering...NOT!
He doesn't have "intimacy issues" that require your fixing. He doesn't see you as someone he wants to commit to or fall in love with but you'll do in the interim. That you want to be with him and allow him to use you like this shows what low esteem you have..he sees that...and that's why he finds you suitable only for this arrangement and nothing more.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 You're not going to like what I have to say to you about this situation, but here goes:
This guy is a cancer to you. He is toxic. Some toxic people don't feel initially toxic, but they insinuate themselves into your life, break apart your true relationships, disrupt your ability to move on and develop new relationships, and give you what feels like the real deal, but in truth, it's only a parasitic drain on your affections and social and sexual attention.
He's giving you nothing and taking everything while at the same time playing you for a fool. You've been seeing him while you see other people, and he likewise is mistreating his other girlfriends past and present while sleeping with you.
He has intimacy issues (sex is NOT intimacy), commitment issues, and he's not really that into you. Remember, words spoken in the moonlight that can't hold up in the cold light of day mean that the words were worthless.
Whether or not his intimacy issues are because of his ex hurting him is irrelevant to you. He needs to get over it, or zip up his pants. It does not give him a license to use you, which at the end of the day with his flowery words and ego jealousy over you talking to other guys and his holding you all night stuff....it's still using you. He's not giving anything in return.
You have one choice -- be used, or move on. I suggest moving on, because you can't change him, and he's not willing to get past his commitment, and life is short.
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