A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy verbally and emotionally abusive bf of 3 years dumped me yesterday. I know i should be relieved that i wont be abused anymore. I dont need to walk on egg shells around him anymore and i dont have to scared everytime he calls me or i call him.My brain knows all these stuff, but my heart behaves in a different way. I want him back at any cost, may be cause of my low self esteem. So how do i stop wanting him. As soon as he broke up he blocked me in his phone, email, and facebook. He owes me money, how do i get my money back. How do i move on. I dont have friends, he made me leave all my friends and cause of him my family wont even talk to me, now im alone. Please help me,
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broke up, emotionally abusive, facebook, money, move on, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): He did you a HUGE favor. Since you were not strong enough to leave him for obvious reasons, he did it for you.
Owing you money is an excuse to try to get back with him. Cut your losses and forget about it. It's a small price for the bigger price of being with an abusive partner for three years and one more day.
You are worth more than what you have been living with. This is not normal and it's not okay for anyone to treat another person that way.
Find a counselor, make an appointment and go and talk to them about this. You need some help to break free from this man, this cycle and to realize you are important and you deserve to be with someone who will treat you with respect, as an equal and who will love and cherish you. Learn to love yourself and understand you do NOT need to be with this man or any man to make you whole or to be happy. When you can do all these things on your own and be comfortable in your own skin, have self confidence and self-worth, the rest will come, with the right kind of man. If you continue the way you are, you will only attract controling abusive men who can sniff you out a mile away.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): Your family an friends understand give them a call! An for your broken heart the only thing that will heal that is time.you will probably never get your money back.. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): he wants you to run after him and try to contact him thats why he has blocked you. so dont do any of those things and unless he gives you thr money back then you cant get it back so i know its horrible just forget yhe money. i had all this myself, just watch him get scared when you dont try to contact him or mention that money he will be losing his control over you. find some friends or at least one good one fast so you have someone to talk to. do anything you can to ignore him and just watch
he will not like it one bit when you show your not bothered.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): Give yourself some time. It is natural to feel this way after a break-up, even if the relationship was bad.
From experience, the pain will go away (it REALLY will), just let it be. Get together with friends, journal, consider therapy, and mostly be kind to yourself. You are grieving and there is nothing strange about how you are feeling.
All the best to you. Keep us all posted!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): "I want him back at any cost, may be cause of my low self esteem."Also because he told you everything you wanted to hear to butter you up, and despite the abuse you miss him paying attention to you. The only thing worse than being abused is being ignored. Sadly, I suspect you'll get him back at any cost. I wouldn't be surprised if his "dumping" you and blocking contact is just a ploy to exert more control over you so when you come crawling back to him on his terms, it will be even worse than before."He owes me money, how do i get my money back."You don't. You cut your losses and chalk it up as a lesson learned. "How do i move on." You need counseling, or else you'll wind up in boyfriend's clutches again or you'll find yourself falling into an equally disastrous controlling abusive relationship. You have to learn to understand the tactics that charming manipulative controlling con artists use to lure in emotionally fragile, vulnerable, lonely women who are desperate for male attention and affection.Contact your family, very possible they'll be delighted to know he's out of the picture and will do everything they can to protect you from falling under his spell again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): First of all, congratulations and welcome to your healthy life! I mean well when I say this because you are much better off without than with anyone who treats you badly, and your head (intuition) is the best friend you have right now! Your heart is like a baby, doesn't know better, only knows how it feels, and needs to be guided by your head. Trust me, you will move forward and every day will offer you an opportunity to make a new friend, even if it's something as simple as talking to perfect strangers at a grocery store, men and women alike! They are your angels in times like these and will offer smiles, which is what you need, the positive strokes, to heal yourself. I think with all you have going for you, you need to also check yourself out in the mirror and give yourself a few compliments, and better you, write yourself a letter and seal it inside an envelope to be opened six months from now. Let this letter be one that shares from the heart, the positives, the negatives, the OMG's, the discoveries about yourself that you recognize along the way on your journey to self-discovery. You have so much going for you. You have much to offer. You deserve the best and nothing less. These aren't just words. These are truths that maybe you aren't used to hearing. I left my guy in 2001. Even to this day, I occasionally think of what drew me to him in the first place, but when I do this, my intuition comes back at me and says, loudly, remember why you left. I then realize I really did do the right thing and I am much happier because of it. Mine was emotionally, mentally and physically abusive. got away. I'm glad you did too.
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