A
female
age
26-29,
*irl8867
writes:Dear Cupid, Me and My Boyfriend, we love each other so much. We've been together for 7 gonna be 8 months. And we're extremely happy together. The thing is, maybe two years ago, he had sex multiple times with his ex let's say her name is C. And I just can't picture him ever doing something like that.. I'm having a HELLA hard time getting over it and forgiving him. Sometimes I get so disgusted of him that I push him away.. literally! I really do not wish to be this way. I wish all this would end. I hate being a "jealous" person. I trust him now, bur just.. thinking about his past makes me upset. But the funny part is that when we first started dating, I thought it was "impressive" that he wasn't a virgin. Also, we had sex for the first time a couple weeks ago and I gave him my virginity. He told me that when he did it with me, it was WAY better than when he did it with C. That's a good thing, obviously, but.. I don't know.... I ignore his text messages a lot because i'm pondering it. Like right now for instance. I just want to let it go and not become bitter over it. All I do is cry over it and throw my phone and be mean. I'm trying so hard, but I need more help... So, I'm asking.. anyone out there, please help me? I'm begging.... Thank you so much 3
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male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (31 October 2011):
Concentrate on all the good things you like about this guy. If you do love him, over time, you will start to see that his past is less important than how your relationship is today.
You have not been together long, and it takes time to establish a secure and firm foundation.
You should NOT be ignoring his texts, as this will only damage your relationship and push him away. If you have negative feelings, you need a way to talk to him, but without making him feel bad, or in a way that makes him at fault for his past.
The problem here is that you are upset that he has a past, this is not his fault, he didn't know about you when this all happened.
What you need is lots of reassurance, and also find your own confidence and I think you will feel much better about what is eating away at you right now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2011): "Everyone has a past" except for the millions of people who don't. There are virgins in all age groups. There are still lots of them in their teens and 20s.
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A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (31 October 2011):
 Firstly, you have no right to be angry or jealous over his past, it has nothing to do with you, he wasn't with you when he did those things and couldn't make a decision based on the fact that he might be with you, that is the first thing that you need to realise. Secondly, jealousy is an unnattractive atribute, we all get jealous from time to time, but when it becomes destructive and overbearing, it is very bad. You need to concentrate on what you and he have, not what happened before you were together. You are still very young, but imagine if you and he break up because of this jealousy, then you find someone else and they react this way because of what you have done with your current boyfriend. Stop thinking about it because it is not important, or relavent. When those thoughts come into your head, make yourself think of all the things that you love about your boyfriend, all the good things you share. Also stop treating him badly because of things that happened in his past, because neither you or he can change the past, and it is none of your business anyway. It is the past leave it there. I hope that you can find a way to get through this, without losing this boy or pushing him away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2011): What he did previously, and who he did it with, is non of your effing business. When will people learn that?
He's with YOU not her for a reason. Remember that. That reason is the sex just wasn't enough, however good it might have been, to put up with each other's bullshit.
Stop living in the past and enjoy what you have.
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A
male
reader, Pleh +, writes (30 October 2011):
Getting over someone's sexual history can be a daunting and rather confusing prospect, particularly for a teenager. As you get older and more sexually experienced yourself, it becomes less of a challenge and more of a normality (be that good or bad).
I think really you have to ask yourself the question:
What do you care more about; him as a person or his lack of sexual purity?
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