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I regret breaking up w/ him, but we weren't getting along b/c of personal matters. Now he's afraid to get back together!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 January 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 20 October 2010)
A female South Africa age 30-35, *llanon writes:

I need some advice... I had been going out with my boyfriend for a year and broke up with him last week.. i am not sure why i did this. at the time my parents were splitting up and one of his close friends had died. we were both being crappy and fighting.. i immediately regretted my decision tried to get back together with him, but he is deeply hurt by it. i have tried apologising and explaining that it was not on purpose, that i was confused etc. but he says that i hurt him so much he can't go through that again. he says he still loves me and just needs time but doesn't believe that i ever loved him or that he can believe me even now.

I just need to know that if i give him space he will think that i don't care / if i call him it will only push him farther away. what should i do?

View related questions: broke up, get back together

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A female reader, Gustafin Namibia +, writes (20 October 2010):

u guys both need space,..

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (9 February 2007):

AskEve agony auntI wouldn't mention anything from the past. Start afresh and greet him with a big smile. Tell him he looks great! Ask him how his day was and tell him about yours. Let him know you've missed him too. Keep the conversation light and friendly, this way you're not putting any pressure on him. If he wants to bring up the subject then fine but I wouldn't as he might not want it all dragged up again.

Have a nice time!

Eve

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A female reader, allanon South Africa +, writes (8 February 2007):

allanon is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi there, thank you for your advice, i wrote him a letter explaining my reasons and apologising... it was very honest and sincere and he said it hit home alot... we have met up a few times and spoken to eachother on the phone from both sides... he says that he doesn't think all hope is lost but that he will need time and if i mean everything i said to him that i would wait. he said he wouldn't be talking with me if he didn't think we could sort it out but at the same time can't make any promises. I do really love him and believe that we have so much potential so i want to wait... but at the same time his unsureness and hesitance is killing me and my self-esteem... waiting on someone to decide if you are worth it..? but at the same time i was in the wrong to begin with.. is what i did so truly unforgiveable? I am seeing him tonight - i initiated first contact after 3 days of no contact he sounded really happy to hear from me and agreed to meet up. what is the best way to approach the situation...? i don't want to mess things up more than i already have?

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2007):

AskEve agony auntBoth of you have been through quite a traumatic time, his close friend dying and your parents splitting up. I would send him a card and write in it how you feel. Tell him you respect his need for space (hence the card) but explain to him that your parents splitting up made you unsure and scared in case the same thing ever happened with you both, hence the reason you finished with him sooner before he did it to you. Also let him know that you sorely regret it now, he's the best thing that's ever happened to you and you love him dearly. You were just so confused and upset because of your parents splitting up. Tell him you never meant to hurt him and would never do it intentionally and that you love him more than anything else in the world... all you want is another chance to prove it.

Then wait... ;o)

Eve

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2007):

I know the feeling, i tryed to break up with my boyfriend loads when i didnt really want to. I think what it was, is that i didnt want to mix him up in my feelings. Or at other times, because i was unsure of myself and everything around me. I tryed to leave him so he would make a fuss and get upset and ask me not to finish it. Maybe so i could be reasured that he still cared. If your parents were splitting up, you could have had loads of reasons in your subconcious for why you did that. Tell him you love and it was a stupid mistake. Everyone makes them. And anyway, you could have done alot more to hurt him than that. Seems like hes just pulling you along/getting is own back when he says you hurt him so much.

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A female reader, cd206 United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2007):

cd206 agony auntTell him that BECAUSE you love him and want to prove it that you're going to give him some space to come to terms with everything that has happened between you and his friend dying etc. The only thing you can really do is do this and make sure he knows how sorry you are for what you did. The thing is that if you hurt him too much he might decide he doesn't want to take a chance again but I think if you don't give him his thinking time he'll just feel stifled and it'll work out worse for you.

CD

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